Survivor Africa Week 3

This review was almost late because I had to stay up late making
necklaces--it's a "Generation X" thing for all you OLD people, I don't
expect you to understand, OK? Not that we're not friends, we TOTALLY ARE.
Just not "necklace friends."

Lions, oh my. Episode three opens with lions snarling and circling around
Boron's camp. Kinda puts my fear of opossums in perspective. Kelly yells
at them to go away before she has to call campus safety, than bangs on some
pots. That may work at TKE parties, Kel, but this is Africa! One of the
Survivor's (Lex) realizes that "this is REAL!" Everyone take one drink.
Tom claims that his mind told him to stay, but his feet told him to go.
Since he didn't run, I'd say it was actually more the other way around--I
mean, how often do you think Tom's mind wins an argument with any other
part of his body? And what did his buttcrack have to say, I wonder?

Back at Samburu, the four Boomers wake up early to fetch water. The kids
are like, so tired from doing nothing? That they don't EVEN want to get
up. Lil' Kim explains, "The old people like, do stuff? Like work? And
we're all still sleeping and whatever so we're like...whatever, you know?"
Lindsey, "They do all the work, so we can save our strength for making
necklaces--all part of our fiendishly clever plan!"

Brandon, sporting a ridiculous turban that would get him beat up in a gay
bar, tells Teresa he'll make breakfast in her place, then proceeds to
overfeed the lazybeans, arguing, "Think of all the ancient ones have put us
through, lo
these long seven days! They do all the work, get all the water, make the
fence
and TOTALLY rub our faces in it! Now they have the gall to go off and get
more water and TALK ABOUT US!! BEHIND OUR BACKS! They are horrible,
hard-working people!"

It occurs to me that a lot of potential employers watch "Survivor."

Out at the watering hole, Teresa tries to give Silas the benefit of the
doubt, but Carl tells "T-bird" that Silas has--shockingly--decided NOT to
be their stooge. He wants to be a big fish in the little gene pool. The
four boomers are discouraged, but Linda, angling for a regular gig on Oprah
when this is over, warns them that they mustn't return to camp with "broken
spirits", or there'll be a scolding from Mother Africa. "I've been here
before several times, and it means more to me than to the rest of you! And
I'm black! Listen to my wisdom!" Linda hella bugs.

They return to camp and find that Brandon has "accidentally" (tee-hee)
burned their breakfast! Yet another Machivellian bartender on our hands,
kids! The mind reels at the cunning!

Back at Boron, the tribe checks out the pawprints left by the
lions--they're mighty big! Lex, apparently due to all those surfing
safaris he's been on, is elected wildlife expert, and tells everyone what
to do when they encounter an
lion--don't "walk, don't run" just...stand around until they leave? Maybe
he's a scoutmaster in Santa Cruz, I don't know. All they have out there is
raccoons, as far as I know...Maybe they just want to listen to Lex--because
Lex IS SO FREAKING COOL! The
tribe works as a unit to fix the fence. They aren't divided by age, the
gender war has subsided, everyone does their share (while keeping one eye
on the beancans and the other on CB).

Back at Samburu, the girls are fixing Lindsey's bitchin' necklace--how is
it this ISN'T a luxury item, when other people's necklaces, good-luck
charms etc.--ARE? Anyway, Lindsey's bestest friends back in Oregon made it
for her and each bead stands for someone special in her life! Kinda
reminds me of the vest I made when I was a campfire girl.

And yes, Lindsay, I WAS in the fifth grade. Crap, I'm on FRANK'S
side...NOOOOooooooooo!

You know who's side I'm not on? Yours, Doc Carl. Talkin' bout my
generation. I don't think any race, creed, culture, orientation or
generation deserves to be judged solely on those members of said group that
choose to go a reality television show...you baby-boomer sell-out. What
were you doing in your twenties? I'd wager a disco and some gold chains
were involved...

Lindsay likes that the necklaces show that they are four tribesmen sharing
one brain. Brandon thinks they are like, totally "in your face!" C'mon
Brandon, unless there's some piercing involved, jewelry is rarely "ballsy."
Silas (I
just have this really strong "Of Mice and Men" vibe off the guy, anyone
else?) wants the old people to know he's TOTALLY with the young people,
"Kim and Lindsay are hot! I'll bet they TOTALLY put out at the Nairobi
Hilton when all this over, if I play my cards right! h'yuk." Kim
concludes, "We're gonna show the "working" people, (like whatever), that
our
childishness and our sloth is going to carry the day. These necklaces
represent power--the power of twentysomething!"

United We Stand Annoying.

Later, Silas--master-manipulator that he is, "tricks" Carl into revealing
that he's got money. Silas laments that all he wants is $20,000 so that he
can buy a "vehicle." Carl senses a trap, and when the kiddies try to get
him to reveal what sort of car he drives, he vows never to tell them!
EVER! The girl's needle him, c'mon, tell us! The girls, incidentally,
are
doing push-ups--the necklace gang only exerts themselves when it can't
benefit other people--no fetching or working allowed! Carl hold firm,
"I'm not telling you."

But then, he...senses..."Are they implying that there's something WRONG
with owning a Mercedes Benz??" And his yuppie imperative to defend the
conspicuous ownership of really nice things must be answered!

"Yeah, I own a Bennie. And a Porche! My wife bought that one, though, as
a birthday present. She's rich too--nothing wrong with that! What, I'm
supposed to feel guilty about having money?!"

Well, No, Carl but you really should feel guilty about being out-thunk by
Smiley Silas.

Carl tells the camera, "This Generation X has got no work ethic...and they
almost never floss." Makes me all anxious to go to work this morning and
pay into that social security pool that Carl and his boomer peeps are gonna
suck dry before I see dime one. Carl is also "glad to be 46 and not part
of all that." Always interesting when an older generation complains about
the next one as if they had nothing to do with how it turned out.
Actually, Carl's two kids are "generation Y," so maybe usefulness skips a
generation? Go back to Florida and doublebill some insurance companies,
Carl, I don't want to hear anymore from you!

Brandon is angered by Carl, "He's always talking about how he has money,
and like, a career? Like he's a better person than me because he makes
some sort of contribution to society? Whatever! Survivor should only be
won by a total loser who can't be expected to make a living without
television exposure, OK? I don't even know why they let people with jobs
go
on the show."

Mail call. The poem-writers didn't even try, it was like:

"Push a boulder as a team
through some flags--it'll be a scream
finish first, duh duh duh....sun beam
Uh...then you'll win a water stream!"

The challenge involves pushing a giant Hollywood prop boulder through some
flags. For water. Surprisingly, Lil Kim and brandon volunteer to sit out
the challenge to even up the teams. Silas has so much fun throwing the big
ball-y around that he forgets about the flags. There's a lot of yelling
and falling. Boron sticks together as a team and WINS SOMETHING!! Yay!
Brandon and Kim shrug as they watch Boron celebrate, "It's not like WE have
to fetch water anyway, that's the old people's scene, OK?" Kim and Brandon
grimace at Tom, but I couldn't tell if it was due to his barf or his
buttcrack.

Poor Jessie, the good-tasting water came a day late for her :(

At Samburu, Jerri makes a surprise cameo in the form of a destructive
whirlwind, and knocks over a rice pot. Lil kim and Lindsey go to the
mailbox and bring back news ( in that "I never stop talking" croak of
Lindsey's)
of the immunity challenge--a distress signal that will be judged from the
air. They did this in Survivor One for reward--the box o'target crap went
to evil Tagi. Kim seems impressed with the "totally unique challenge."
"We'll be building an SOS signal? And we're going to be competing. And
get this? We're gonna be competing against the other tribe! Dude, I
know, how awesome is that?"

Frank tries to suggest using bright and modern objects to draw attention,
and Silas responds, "Um...yeah, whatever." Frank is indifferent and goes
about dragging branches in keeping with Silas's plan (seriously rethink
your life decisions if you ever find yourself in the position of following
"Silas's plan"). Lindsay snickers, "It's would be sooo sweet for one of
the older players to be weak or lazy for even a second. It hasn't happened
yet, but when it does, whoa nelly, the Necklace Bunch is sooo all all over
it!"

At Boron, Good Old Kim dyes fishing nets bright colors using the paints she
brought as luxury items. The tribe strips down to their skivvies and dance
around to draw attention. Kinda like that Janet Jackson video? Only with
ugly people.

Tom sticks a feather, or a sock or SOMETHING that shouldn't be there, in
his now-legendary buttcrack and wiggles around. The man spends waaaay to
much time with goats, agreed?

Lindsey goes all Crouching Tiger on some branches and winds up hurting
herself. Lil Kim is stunned to find her crying and lying on the ground,
"That is soooo totally unlike Lindsey. Unless she's sleeping in, or making
necklaces, or proving a point, or shirking her responsibilities, or getting
a suntan, Lindsay NEVER lies down." Lindsay cries that she might have
broken a bone, but when Linda comes by, she barks at her to go away and
leave her alone! Linda gloats to the camera, "Mother Africa opened up a
can
of whoop-ass on that ungrateful child!" Lindsey starts throwing up,
"Bleh....shut up, Blehh...Frank..." as frank advises the gang to wave and
make themselves known to the plane--he's so bossy! Oh yeah, and RIGHT.
Samburu loses.

United we Stand America--begging Farmer Tom "In the name of all that is
good and holy, pull up your damn pants!!"

Boron wins hands down--er, actually hands and butts a-waving! Linda tells
Samburu that their quarreling has disquieted the peaceful spirits of
Mother Africa, and THAT is why they didn't win. That and your sucky
distress signal, right?

Tribal council day. Lindsey assures us that she was, like, dehydrated?
Which can totally happen to ANYONE, even a badass like her. But now
she's ok. Frank scoffs that 'barbie went down in Africa." Uh, G.I. Joe
ain't doing much better...

Jeff interrogates the factions, the older people make some swipes about the
lack of "communication (read: work ethic) while those sneaky kids giggle
about their necklaces but assure Jeff that everyone is sooooo totally
friends! Why bother? they are very confused. The alliances that have
worked have not made themselves known this early, but at this point, what
does anyone gain by lying to Jeff? Do they think he hasn't watched all the
dailies? Linda isn't hearing any of it, "Where's my necklace!?" she shouts
with a sense of boomer entitlement. "You DON'T get one, Linda, it is a
badge of honor, okay? Why don't you ask Mother Africa to get you one for
Christmas," Lindsey crows.

Silas, pleased with his "strategery" tells Jeff "I read on a cocktail
napkin at the bar I work at once, that if you don't bend, you'll break.
Which must have something to do with this situation since I memorized it
and everything." *Smile* Silas is so pleased with himself for getting one
over on the old folks, and they lose points for creating a situation where
he feels that way.

Silas honestly unnerves me. That boy ain't quite right. He bears a
striking resemblance to Gilbert Blythe from the PBS adaptation of "Anne of
Green Gables," but there's not a chance in hell that he'll will be
challenging Anne Shirley for the Avery scholarship at Queens college
anytime soon. the only scholarship I see in his future involves "drawing
Winky."

The vote is a tie, the elder vote for Lindsey, the kids for Carl. Jeff
asks them to plead their cases. Carl says, "I work. I am a dentist and a
man of honor." Lindsey counters, "Okay, maybe I don't "work very hard," or
whatever? I can't "cook" or "make fire" or "treat people well" or "shut
up"? But Carl, by his own admission, has a career. You'll note my bio
says I'm a "former" advertising account executive? Vote for me, I need the
money!

Another deadlock. Jeff reveals that immunity will be won through a quiz
about survival base on a pamphlet that *obviously* neither Lindsey or Carl
bothered to read, and in this war of attrition, Lindsey sucks slightly less
than Carl and the kids win. AY Carumba, its reverse-Darwinism at work!
Jeff tells Carl, "the tribe has spoken." Because it sounds better than
saying, "The quiz has spoken" or "You have spoken. Incorrectly. Therefore
you have to go." Kinda like on "Weakest Link" when she says "You are the
weakest link, goodbye," Instead of "You are not the weakest link, you're
actually the strongest....but the others voted you out because you're good
and this show is maddeningly unfair, GOODbye."

I'm glad to see Carl go, honestly. I predict a lot of losing in Samburu's
future. The kids are stupid enough to long for tribal council to get rid
of the annoying adults who want to work instead of play dress-up. At
merger, I have to believe the kids will be crushed. Because even of Born
loses the next three challenges, the young turkeys are still only four.
Teresa, Linda and Frank will not shield them from Boron--they'll probably
reveal Lindsey as the most vulnerable (and hopefully they'll load her up
with votes.)

Lindsey is very Jerri to me. Not quite as evil, but she's a mean and
clueless bully. Kim is her Amber, Brandon her Mitch and Silas is Colby,
although not as cute, interesting or smart. One doesn't see him switching
for the good of the tribe--but what on earth is the point of carrying
Brandon and Kim?? I guess when you're Silas, you take the rare opportunity
to actually be better than someone when it comes along.

So, I'm pulling for Boron all the way now, as teresa's the only one on
Samburu who I don't hate...oddly, Frank is moving towards tolerable for me
to...must be the contrast. My only concern is that this is the first
tribal council in which Tom hasn't been able to teach CB a lesson--what if
Clarence doesn't remember that Tom has forgivin--but NOT FORGOTTEN!

Next week, I'd bet Samburu loses again. I just can't imagine them working
in concert with one another on anything and again, I think the kids might
deliberately lose to vote out...They keep saying Frank but I think they'll
dump the less useful and more obnoxious (and more openly hostile) Linda
first. I'm sticking with CB as Boron's next victim, like a lottery number
you have to keep betting on 'cuz you'll feel so stupid if it comes up the
week you didn't play.

Next week--don't underestimate Lindsey--she's a topless biker, OKAY?
Whatever!

Carl gets in YET ANOTHER DIG at GEN X on his way out, as he worries about
the future of America. Oh, tell us about the seventies, oh wise one!

Peace, Christine :)