Survivor 15.1 "We bowed for, like, days!"

WELCOME BACK! :D

Not just those of you reading this, but also, welcome back plain ol' gimmick free Survivor. 16 players, two tribes, no Exile, no Immunity Idols (an least not yet). Ahhh, it feels good! I read where Jeff Probst said he thought the "give one tribe everything and the other tribe nothing" twist was a bad idea: DUH! This Survivor isn't TOTALLY like every other season--it takes place in CHINA, and begins with the Survivors walking through the very NOT remote Shanghai, and then travelling to their remote location by train, which was sooo Amazing Race--except they didn't show anyone bickering and trying to book a flight using a borrowed cell phone. Then Jeff proceeded to name every occupation of every single contestant, "A lady wrestler, a Christian radio host, a lunchlady, a professional poker player, a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker.' And YES, there's another gay Mormon dude--have we ever had a straight Mormon dude? Seriously. Anyway, the train takes them to a Buddhist Temple near (or on?) the "Lake of a Thousand Islands." 39 Days! 16 People! One Survivor!

CHINESE CULTURE FREAKS OUT THE YANKS

Jeff leads everyone into the Buddhist temple that will host the Tribal Council ceremonies. He is quick to point out that the monks will be performing a "welcoming ceremony" that is NOT a "worship ceremony." Peih Gee gets emotional about coming to China so soon after the death of her grandfather, who would have gotten a kick out of it (Peih Gee was born in Hong Kong). Denise, the lunch lady with a rockin' mullett, is blown away by the whole thing, while Courtney--yes, this season brings us another insufferable blonde Courtney--rolls her eyes and complains later , "We bowed for like, days." Whatev. Then Leslie decides she's had enough of the bowing and kneeling in another faith's church and she bolts. Later Jeff asks her about it in front of everyone and Leslie admits she was freaked out because it felt like they were worshipping somebody NOT Jesus in there. Courtney rolls her eyes, "OMIGOD, a person with like, beliefs." Personally, I think I could manage to worship Jesus in a Buddhist temple, even if there WERE a bunch of gold Buddhas around--it's not like God's gonna hang you up on a technicality, Leslie. She also makes a big point of saying that she's not "religious" she just has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, which is one of those Christian jargony distinctions that sound great to Christians when they're talking to other Christians, and may have been a radical thing to say back in the Godspell 1970's, but I think it just confuses non-Christians (and Christians alike, maybe). You could tell the other Survivors were like, "SO...are you a Christian, or what?" Then Jeff tells everyone that their not gonna get to keep their luggage and their gonna have to play Survivor in the nice clothes they're wearing, and everyone freaks out and everyone at home screams in frustration, "Have any of you people EVER watched the show!?" A woman once played the entire game in a Boy Scout uniform, people! So everyone's in nice clothes and high heels, and Jaime tells Jeff she isn't wearing a bra, which, Jeff points out, could work to her benefit.

VIBES OF THE TRIBES

Jeff then breaks them into tribes: The first tribe we'll call Crouching Tiger (the real name sounds suspiciously like John Woo): CHicken, Frosti, Dave, Peih Gee, Ashley the wrestler, Sherea, Jaime and Erik (in yellow). In red is Flying Dragon: Denise, James, Todd, Aaron, Leslie, Jean Robert (Zhan Robear), Courtney and AManda. The Survivor: China logo kicks ASS, and the buffs have the tribe names on them in CHinese--they rock! Then Jeff gives each tribe a copy of "The Art of War" to bring to camp and everyone departs. They travel the river by boat until they find their respective camps: rice is provided, but no flint. At Hidden Dragon, Hot Aaron frets about coming on like too much of a leader too early. Leslie tries to unfreak-out her tribemates by playfully referring to Jehovah as "The Big Guy," like they'll suddenly be like, "Oh, the Big GUY! The Man Upstairs--oh, THAT'S who you believe in--well, now I'm totally not freaked out by your fundamentalism!" The bonding goes well--everyone seems to be getting on and having fun as they compare notes about jobs and where they're from. The only person not enjoying themselves is Courtney the emaciated heroin addict, who scoffs, "THere's like, flight attendants, and Sunday school people, and like, people from the Midwest, and they're all, like, being friendly and nice to each other? Okay, like, I'm from New York, and like, I don't usually hang around people who are like, positive and stuff, you know?" Meanwhile, Jean-Robert, the dumpy professional poker player goes to look for tree mail with Todd, the chipper gay Mormon flight attendant. JR tells Todd, "I think you're devious...and maybe NOT a flight attendant. I got my eye on you kid." Wow, way to keep your cards close to the vest, big guy. Then Todd informs us that he wants to win because, ahem, a million dollars is a lot of money. Every year I forget that, but someone always reminds me. Later, they do some SERIOUS forest-clearing, thanks in large point to large James, a rather quiet grave digger who has the kind of physique you usually only see in the comic books. WHen he worries that he might flounder with the inter-personal side of the game, Leslie the Christian radio host advises him to ask people a lot of questions, because people love to talk about themselves. Awww, Leslie's kinda sweet. Later, the gang has Hot Aaron read from "The Art of War," and Todd declares Aaron the leader and everyone agrees and Aaron is internally freaked out because "Leaders don't do well," even though several of the game's winners have been leaders in their tribes.

At Crouching Tiger, Sherea is struggling to walk in her heels, and seems to be yet another Black woman on Survivor who has no outdoorsyness whatsoever--Cassandra and Cirie both made it to the top four, so it's not necessarily a game-killer, it's just...can't they find one Black woman who camps and fishes or whatnot? Chicken, the Fiftyish chicken farmer starts bossing everyone around and then when people start disagreeing with his ideas he starts sulking and vows to stop making suggestions, and starts to irritate the others when every time they ask his opinion he says "do' matter tuh me." What irritates ME is they don't subtitle the hillbillies on this show--Chicken is definitely Big Tomesque. Ashley the pro-wrestler starts talking about making her fans happy--my guess is her MASSIVE FAKE BOOBS make that a done deal no matter how she fares in the game--holy cats! Then a bunch of the tribe starts dancing to imaginary music, which irritates the goal-oriented Peih-Gee, who is not thrilled with the fact that everyone's getting their freak on instead of getting their shelter on. She's right on the money, but does anyone else see another casting pattern: the type-A, bossy Hermione Grangerish Asian chick? ANyway, the shelter doesn't get built and they all have to sit out in a lightening storm and get wet. Chicken says something I couldn't understand and the next morning, Ashley is sick as a dog. CBS executives start to worry that the girl with the built-in wrestling fanboy fanbase and giant fake boobs might be voted out on account of illness before she even loses her bikini top while wrestling somebody, as was the plan. Ashley shrugs off her puking, "I've wrestled with a 104 degree fever before--it's in my contract." Then Dave the "ex-model" ("Dave" the model? Dave? Really?) goes up to Ashley and assures her, "Just because you're sick, don't think you're on the chopping block." Ashley's all, "Hey, thanks!" Cut to: Dave looking at the camera, "If Ashley keeps ralphing her guts out, she is GONE!" I honestly get the impression that Dave false-comforted Ashley because he was anxious to lie--you know, work on his game, get in the swing of things.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Jeff gathers the troops, and everyone agrees it's been wet so far. Jeff tells the gang that they'll be reunited with their running shoes for the challenge, and get to keep them the rest of the time--yay! Then he shows them the awesome Immunity Idol, that looks like one of the famed Terracotta Warriors. Sweet! Then comes the challenge, that will give the winning tribe Immunity and fire, via flint. The tribes have to run together as a team, hoisting a giant paper dragon aloft so it looks from above as though the dragons are racing. Then people unlock themselves and perform feats of jumping and such and then return to the group and get their group thru the course. At the end, they have to put the sticks they used to carry the dragons into the proper holes on the ground. It was cool looking, but nothing significant happened game wise, so I won't belabor it. Suffice it to say, Hidden Dragon wins the Dragon Race challenge--uh, can you say "totally fixed?" Next week better be Tiger-related.

CROUCHING TIGER, WEAKEST LINK

When the Tigers get back to camp, Peih Gee bursts into tears, and is comforted by Dave, which probably means he intends to vote her out. THen she recovers and starts bossing everyone around in regards to their non-existent shelter, which irritates everyone, even though none of them are working and they do desperately need that shelter. She starts to get really frustrated with Chicken, who's built chicken coops and done manual labor, unlike the rest of the tribe, let's face it. But he's still unwilling to put himself out there because no one wanted to listen to him before, and he gets pretty danged stubborn about not answering the simplest questions. Ashley is now recovered and highly judgemental of Peih Gee, for being bossy AND for crying earlier. Personally, I don't think a woman who wrestles for a living and has a giant plastic rack should spend a lot of time judging the behavior of OTHER women, but maybe that's just me. Chicken is no fan of Ashley--he refuses to accept any doctor's excuse regarding her failure to perform camp tasks when she was heaving her guts out. "She ain' don' nuthin'" he complains, and then he adds, "That's what makes the element of the game," to which America says, "Zuh?" Sherea is debating between voting out Chicken or the bossy Peih-Gee, while pompous Dave confides to us that he wants Chicken around because he wants an ally in case the tribe's young people start banding together. And that was the night's BIGGEST surprise: Ex-model Dave referring to the chicken farmer as a contemporary...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Fire represents life, for those who may have forgotten. Jeff asks about the lack of shelter and Chicken weighs in, criticizing the tribe for taking two days to accomplish the task. Jeff asks if they need a leader and Dave nominates himself, whichs draws several "say what?" looks from the others. Peih Gee prefaces her candidacy by saying, "I don't want to be bossy, Buuuuut..." and everyone starts eye-rolling and fuming as she points out that work isn't gonna do itself. Then Jeff asks who's vulnerable and Ashley gulps hard when both Dave and Chicken say it's the "least productive" of the Tiger's, so she reminds everybody that she was sick before. Chicken goes on to point the tribe's weaknesses a little more and then says, "If we don't open our eyes, we'll be seeing you a lot," to Jeff. Turns out, Chicken has attended his first and last Tribal Council, getting at least four of the tribe's votes (Ashley gets two, Peih Gee gets Ashley's vote, spelled "p.g."). When he realizes he's out, Chicken let's out a loud, "DAMN!!!" which was a refreshing bit of honest emotion. Jeff tells him the tribe has spoken, and Chicken replies, "Ah heard 'em." I wonder if Peih Gee would have gone had Chicken just held his tongue a little. I think she was high on some people's lists and then they were like, "Well, it sounds like Chicken's gonna be just as bossy AND he's some old dude, let's get rid of him." Sad, but true. Though I am relieved that the first person voted out of Survivor: China wasn't, you know, the Chinese girl. Jeff lets them take their torches back so they can have fire.

Chicken is eliminated in 16th place, which is once again last place. Fifteen Survivors have failed to make it as far as 16. The first 16th place finisher was ukelele-totin' Sonja. In the Outback, bossy Deb was cut loose and in Africa the tribe parted ways with shifty bean-thief Diane. In Marquesas, weird Peter had to go when he couldn't keep his pie-hole shut regarding...his other, ahem, holes. In Thailand, it was another bossy player, Reverend John who was eliminated and in the Amazon, pretty-buy Ryan was doomed when he couldn't flirt his way further with his all-male tribe. In the Pearl Islands, Nicole just didn't impress anyone and in Vanuatu, John P. was one of the younger victims of the "older, fatter dudes." In Palau, Jeff allegedly "hurt his ankle" and punked out, while Guatemala's Brianna ran afoul of jock Steph when she didn't know what "a pick" was in basketball. Tina the grieving lumberjill was first off of Exile Island and Stephannie wasn't really into sticking it out on the Cook Islands. Last season, Gary was forced out of the game by an injury.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Well, Chicken isn't just a fan of country and western music--he is pretty much a country and western SONG, having raised three children by himself while working as a farmer and spending his free time huntin' and fishin' and ATV'n. It should be noted that he raises grass-fed livestock and poultry. In his exit interview, he predicts doom for his unmotivated tribe and then finishes by giving a fan's tribute to the show, "No one is more proud to be a small part of a big adventure." Aww, hell. We'll miss you too, chicken man! :(

Peace Out :D

Christine