Survivor 14.14 "I am a truth teller. I am Dreamz."

FINALE: FINALLY! :D

Okay, this is gonna be short and sweet because Survivor: China starts in a couple days. It's also short because I actually missed the first hour of the Finale, and because it happened right when I was moving, I forgot to ask anybody to save it for me. And, after reading my illegible notes of the Reunion, I decided not to recap that either. So, here we go.

PER THE OFFICIAL WEB SITE

According to the CBS website, here's what I missed in the first hour: Yau's almost ouster causes a nervous Earl to declare "It's all about cannabalism now!" Cassandra tries to explain to Earl that she betrayed Yau because it's the time in the game where you've got to look out for yourself. Yau realizes that giving the truck to Dreamz has made him an even bigger target--he feels he MUST win Immunity in order to stick around. In the Immunity Challenge, which was apparantly one of those "search for stuff in a maze while your blindfolded" deals, Yau got his wish, securing Immunity for himself. Everyone agrees that it's time to eliminate Boo, but a wary Dreamz brings all his stuff to Tribal Council, just in case. Boo finishes in 5th place, joining the inexplicably dense Brain Surgeon Sean, and the Outback's honorable Rodger. In Africa, the equally decent T-bird got the boot while loudmouthed Sean talked his way out of the Marquesas at this point in the game. In Thailand, Ted was shocked to find out he wasn't Porn Star Brian's BFF, and America rejoiced as One when stupid, mean and shallow Heidi was eliminated. Smug Burton was voted out for the second time at 5th place in the Pearl Islands and Jeff's too-young-for-him girlfriend Julie was a 5th placer as well. In Palau, Caryn got the shaft from Tom and Ian and in Guatemala, Cindy chose to give herself a car instead of give a car to each of her fellow players, and it ticked them off. Crazy Shane was blindsided by Aras at this crucial juncture, and last season, dumb Adam ran out of luck.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

The hardworking Kenward, aka Boo, works construction during the day and manages the club he owns at night. Not surprisingly, he's a fan of mixed martial arts AND Gilligan's Island.

MORE STUFF I MISSED

THe Final Four of Yau, Cassandra, Dreamz and Earl do the tradional "Here's all the people that got voted out" montage and light torches in thier honor. Dreamz claims he plans to try to win Immunity and give it to Yau-man. They arrive at the Immunity Challenge and Jeff stuns them by revealing that there will be a Final Three (like last season, which they haven't seen). Yawn. Final Three SUCKS, if you ask me.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Okay, this is where I came in, and it was like Survivor: Guantanamo Bay! The Survivors were sunjected to this water torture, which Dreamz ultimately endured longer than the rest, to win the Immunity...that he promised Yau in exchange for the truck. But Jeff's revelation that there will be a Final three instead of two has further complicated things for the already capricious Dreamz. That should be the name of a racehorse. Capriciosu Dreamz. The others are all pretty sure he'll honor his word though, "He's a good kid," mainatains Cassandra. Yau must be getting more bad vibes--he goes to Dreamz and asks him to at least not VOTE against him, if he chooses to back out and keep the necklace. Dreamz starts to agonize, "I took out a whole alliance...did I trade a million dollars for a truck?" Of all the Survivor seasons Ever, this one has got to have been the Aesopiest. Then Dreamz declares (ironically, we will soon find) "I am a truth teller. I am Dreamz."

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Boo still looks kinda scuzzy, even though he's presumably cleaned up. Dreamz starts laying the ground work for screwing over Yau by remindidn everyone that Survivor is a game of lying, and that Yau gave him the game out of strategy, not generosity. If Dreamz gives up Immunity, he WILL be out of the game. The jury seems skeptical when Yau claims he never tried to lobby Dreamz to live up to his word, and the already-duped Edgardo looks almost physically ill at Yau's trust in Dreamz. Dreamz tells Jeff he's keeping Immunity, and then he starts crying as the votes are read--revealing that Yau is out 3-1. A nation mourns.

Yau finishes in fourth place. In season One, held on Yau's native Borneo, Stoopid Sue met her bitter end in the same spot, and it's also where we bid adieu to the pre "View" pre-Hasselback, Elisabeth Filarski. In Africa, Big Tom was shocked to be the one cut out of his alliance here, while in the Marquesas, Paschal lost a "grab the rock" tie-breaker that paved the way for Vecepia's unliley win. In Thailand, we lost yet another of Brian's dupes, Helen, and in the Amazon, it was explusion time for Butch the principal. In the Pearl Islands, Darrah was targetted and in Vanuatu, it was good riddance to the irritating Eliza. In Palau, Gregg's equally dull ally Jennifer wsa dispensed with and the trying Lydia was silenced here in Guatemala. On Exile Island, Cirie COULD NOT build that damned fire, and last season, we said goodbye to our friend Sundra.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Well, he's yet another really likable contestant from...where? That's right, the East Bay! Last season's winner, Yul, is from my hometown of Concord, Ca and Yau lives in neighboring Martinez, where I worked all through college at the Contra Costa Cinemas. Anyway, Yau works for UC Berkeley and graduated from M.I.T., so we believe him when he says his favorite show is 60 Minutes.

FINAL THREE

Dreamz is sort of broken up about breaking his word. Sort of. But it's just a game, after all, he reasons. Earl is upset at himself for turning on Yau once Dreamz had reneged on his deal with Yau, "I turned on Yau--they're gonna turn on me," fe frets, in regards to the jury. But he's gotta know he's a leadpipe cinch. That jury sure as hell ain't gonna give the money to the very lucky Cassandra and the very duplicitous Dreamz. Which is what Earl was thinking when he wrote down is friend's name. Later, the Dharma Initiative airlifts them a breakfast feast that Earl has to go out and swim for. Survivor plays the "camp cookie" music as they all revel in still being there--especially the unathletic and surprised-as-we-are Cassandra. Then Dreamz says he's so happy that, "I feel like I'm standing next to Oprah." Hokay then.

FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL

Opening statements: Earl feels he played an honest and clean game, and he reminds everyone that no one ever voted against him. The chess player feels he "made the right moves," and that he deserves the "respect vote." Cassandra plays up her sounding board skills and claims to have never voted against an alliance-mate, which doesn't track with her voting out Yau. Dreamz talks up his big heart, and how much good he could do with the million. Then it's time for the grilling.

Michelle asks everyone to say what their biggest hardship was. Dreamz reminds everyone that he was homeless, so sleeping outside wasn't a hardship fo rhim--but the thirst was crippling. Cassandra reckons it was her inability to swim and Earl reminds everyone that he's the only original member of Ravu, the tribe that got the shaft and suffered, plus he wsa sent to Exile a lot. Edgardo simply asks Earl how HE found out that the My Little Ponies had the Immunity Idol. "Dreamz," Earl replies. "That's it," Ed says, sitting down. Mookie tries to get Dreamz to own up to his betraying him and Ed and Alex, but Dreamz just recites the "game" mantra. Then Alex gets up and goes all Perry Mason on Cassandra, accusing her of using and then discarding poor Stacy--who, it must be mentioned, treated Cassandra like garbage throughout the beginning of the game. Alex probably didn't notice because he was king of the hill at that point and Cassandra was beneath his notice. ANd of course, I have to be the one to mention it because Cassandra fails to defend herself. It was was really infuriating--every time Cassandra went to speak, ALex was like, "Stop talking! I get to talk now!" I really wish Cassandra had stood up for herself, but she didn't. ALex is an ass.

Then it gets EVEN worse, when loundmouth Lisi starts off her questioning with "Eenie meenie miney moe, catch a liar by the toe." Considering that the N-word is so closely associated with that rhyme, it was prerry appalling to hear Lisi say it in addressing the all-black Finalists. She then attacks Cassandra for coming to Fiji in the wrong kind of shoes. Again, Cassandra doesn't stand up for herself and I really wish SOMEBODY had said, "Okay, Quitter!" I mean, Dreamz knows what a wimp she was when they were on the same tribe. Lisi then asks Dreamz how many zeros are in a million, because she's a patronizing bitch. She accuses Earl of "Putting on a show," whatever the hell that means. Part of the reason I'm not recapping the reunion is Jeff never calls her on her vitriol, she's just a hateful, tasteless dipstick. UGH! So then mean Stacy gets up there and is not mean at all, and I've gotta give big ups to her for it. She congratulates everyone for making it to the Final Three, and then asks Earl to tell her how she can justify giving the money to anyone but the less-educated, up from the streets Horatio Dreamz Alger, if her choice is need based. Earl replies that just because he has a job and a car, doesn't mean he doesn't need a million dollars--don't we all? This seems to meet with ALex's approval. Then it's Rocky's turn--he wants to hear from everyone what there biggest "kickuh" moment was, in other words, when they REALLY made a bold kick-ass move in the game. Cassandra hems and haws and irritates Rocky, Dreamz cops to his manipulations, and Earl says that no one even thought he was playing the game.

More fireworks occr when Boo steps up--Boo, who should have been this interesting during the game. He applauds his fellow juror Yau, and then calls out Dreamz, as a fellow Christian, for breaking the promise he made to Yau regarding the truck. He asks Dreamz to answer him as a Christian: was he playing the game the whole time with Yau, or did he mean his promise and then change his mind? Dreamz claims he was always playing the game, which is an interesting answer--since we saw so much of his flip-flopping, I'm not sure it's the truth. Boo ends is time by telling Dreamz, "I still believe in you, but you're an immature Christian." He tells him that someday, Dreamz will be mature enough to resist monetary temptation over morality. I mean, HOT DAMN, was that drama or what? Where was this toughtful and comanding Boo during the game? Then it's Yau's turn and he proves his status as just...a superior being, really, compared to most humans, when he lets ol' Dreamz off the hook. He says he's a 54-year-old man who can admit to a mistake. He tells Dreamz he gave him the truck in good faith, and that he should enjoy it. Then he asks Dreams why he DID change his mind, and Dreamz, who seems to be averse to admitting he's so changeable, retorts, "I didn't change, I outplayed you." Whatever. Yau asks Earl why Earl chose to get rid of him, and Earl admits he knew he couldn't beat Yau with any jury, "You played the best game, by far." I know a lot of people are mad at Earl for shafting Yau, but I like Earl, and I'm glad he won, and I get why he made the decison to cut Yau out of the game when the chance arose. Jeff takes the votes away to New York for the reunion. In New York City, everyone is a little heavier and wearing a lot more make-up. Jeff announces Earl's unanimous win. THE END

Although Cassandra and Dreamz both received no votes, meaing they technically tied, I'm giving second place to Dreamz, by virtue of his Immunity and Reward wins, so Cassandra finishes in third place, along with cranky Rudy, pompous Keith, psycho Lex, winning Kath, kooky Jan, crafty Rob, evil Jonny Fairplay, Scout who, like Cassandra, didn't do much to earn her spot except not be a threat to anyone on any level, skinny Ian, judgey Rafe, Terry the insufferable Navy Guy and last season's Becky, who didn't win alot of stuff, but was truly Yul's Executive Officer. Cassandra's bio is quite boring--sorry Cassandra!

Dreamz finishes in the runner-up spot, joining Kelly the wrongly-maligned river guide, noble Colby who honored his word to Tina even though he knew it was probably a 900,000 decision, Old Kim who had the power to take Lex to the Final Two but thankfully chose good and true Ethan instead and Oh my heck Neleh. Also coming in second were odious Clay, bizzare Matt, Lill the whiny martyr who was let back in, Twila who swore on her kid and went back on it, mean Katie, plucky Steph in her second shot at the game, Boston Danielle, and last season's Ozzy of the jungle.

Earl is this season's Ultimate Survivor, joining Evil Richard Hatch, clever Nurse Tina, fair and fine Ethan, coaster extraordinaire Vecepia, sleazy Porn Star Brian, the surprisingly likable once the season was ending Jenna, entertaining Sandra, kinda creepy Chris, Fireman Tom, sports gal Danni, yoga-twit Aras and last season's hot-bodied nerd, Yul.

Thank you for your patience and support--if anyone is indeed even reading this. See you in China! :D

Christine