Survivor 7.2 Bad Blood

THE WOEFUL STRUGGLES OF THE MORGAN TRIBE

Wow, being a member of the Morgan tribe is almost as frustrating and sad as
being a 49er fan these days. The Morons spend their nights freezing in the
wind. I know they don't have any clothes, but doesn't it seem like they
could dig
into the sand more? And build more of a wind break if that's the main
problem? Captain Andrew is worried that the lack of sleep will soon lead
to hallucinations. Nerd Ryan declares, "This isn't working for me, the no
food and sleep, but I'm confident I can come up with a better coping
strategy and start giving that elusive 110%." Yup, Ryan's hallucinating
allright. Osten tells us, "Skinny Ryan on his best day is still worse than
me on my worst day--I'm not knocking him, he just doesn't have anything to
offer." Okay, seriously, how is that NOT knocking Ryan?

THE IRRITATING PARADISE OF THE DRAKE TRIBE

Meanwhile, Drake is doing better than most previous tribes who DID get food
and supplies from CBS. They lounge around eating copious amounts of
seafood and rhapsodizing about how being in Drake rules and singing, "Yo Ho
Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me!" Anyone who's watched Survivor knows that a
happy tribe is probably a doomed tribe, and more often than not, the grand
winner has come off the tribe that struggled in the beginning (Tina, Ethan,
Vecepia, and Brian all came off tribes that lost at least two immunity
challenges in a row) Shawn drinks a coconut and spills it's contents all
over himself. When fellow frat bat Burton teases him about not knowing how
much milk is in a coconut by now, Shawn sniffs, "Well maybe it's just
coconut oil in their now--maybe it's just suntan lotion now!" Yeah, Shawn
ain't too bright. Rupert approaches Burton and shows him the precious
food-catching spear, "I just need to do some foreshadowin' so lookit how
the pointy spearhead could just fall off at any time!" Burton nods, "I'll
remember this conversation when someone loses it."

THE RICH GET RICHER

The tribes prepare for the first reward challenge and Nerd Ryan knows he
only avoided eviction last week because Nicole was an idiot, "I don't think
any player in Survivor history has ever been under more pressure to perform
at a challenge than I am right now." Jenna Morasca and Kelly Wigglesworth
may beg to differ with you on that. He continues, "The problem is,
everyone here thinks I didn't give 110% and I gave 120% so now I have to
look like I'm giving 130% when I've already exhausted myself in doing the
mathematically impossible!"

The tribes meet up at Reward beach, where Jeff gives both tribes a shovel
and a key to a buried treasure. The winning tribe will get the first clue
and a piece of a map, plus they'll get to raid the other tribe and take one
item from them and that will be true of all future tribal reward challenges
which is sure to engender all sorts of bad blood. Gee, these "writer-less"
reality shows sure come up with neat twists. The challenge itself is a
brutal mutha: There are five items on the seafloor, one at a time a
tribe-member swims out, throws one of the items in a treasure chest. When
all five items are in, then the entire tribe swims out, carries the
treasure chest to shore and places it on a pedestal. Sandra sits out for
Drake. For some reason, Nerd Ryan goes first for Morgan--maybe he wanted
to prove himself, maybe the team hoped to pick up his slack in the
following legs of the relay but Ryan bonks hard core. Drake is on it's
third item before Ryan finally quits and brings his item for Cute Ryan to
put in the treasure chest. It was truly awful, it was like Nerd Ryan only
had one lung or something. Ryan O. doesn't do much better and Drake
finishes well ahead of the demoralized Morons who are so demoralized
they've become unmoralized.

HATRED OR PLASTIC?

The Drake's are amped for their treasure hunt. Even though they only have
one piece of the map, they have figured out that it's at the edge of their
island, at a place that can only be accessed during low-tide. Then they
strategize for their Morgan shopping spree. Shawn wants their water jug
while Jonny Not Funny cackles, "Let's take their tarp--that'll really hurt
them." Rupert responds, "We don't NEED to hurt them." This from the guy
that stole all their shoes. An eager-to-plunder Sandra is elected to go,
much to Michelle's relief. She says wisely, "No matter how nice you are
about it, the other tribe is gonna hate whoever goes over their to take
something. I was really glad it wasn't me."

The sad-sack Morons are indeed already full of hate towards the arrogant
(and let's face it, COMPETENT) Drake tribe. Capt. Andrew speculates, "What
if that little motormouth (Jon?) wants our tarp?" "Oh, HELL no!" Osten
laughs, and then reality sets in and he realizes the tarp is pretty much
the only nice thing they have. He insists, "If he takes our tarp, I'm
outta here, I'm going home." Andrew laughs because he thinks he's kidding.
Then Sandra arrives via speedboat and is met by Nerd Ryan. "Are you the
Ambassador of Morgan?" She wonders. "No, I'm the goober of the Morgan
tribe," Doomed nerd Ryan laments. It's all polite smiles as they make
their introductions and Sandra pretends not to be horrified by Morgan's
pathetic living conditions. Then she pokes around for the water jug and
when she can't find it, she decides on the precious tarp, which forms the
primary wall and roof of their pitiful shelter. No one will help her take
it down, so she dismantles the entire thing to get it. Her attempts to
seem cheerful just come off bitchy, "There we go. That's not so bad.
You'll be able to put it together in no time!" Darrah drawls to the
camera, "She tried to act all nice and everything but...that whole tribe is
a bunch of bleeping bleep bleeps!" Whatever she called them it was so bad
that CBS didn't give us a clue. Meanwhile Morgan continues to stew as
Sandra chirps, "Nothin' personal, I gotta do what I gotta do!" "Not
necessarily," Andrew growls. If I were there, I'd be fuming at Sandra too
but objectively, they had nothing else to steal and there was no way to
take the tarp without destroying the shelter. Sandra is angry that "that
black girl" wouldn't let her use Morgan's knife to cut down the tarp.
Sandra, her name is Tawanda. "I'm sure you'll have it back up in no time,"
Sandra chirps, "Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite, no hard feelings!
A Bird in the hand is worth two in the bush and there's no use crying over
spilled milk!" "What a bitch," That Black Girl hisses.

BIG BICEPS: BIG BABIES

The morons scramble to rebuild their shelter and Osten informs the gang,
"When we finish this, I might decide to leave. I'm spent." This is the
last thing beleaguered Capt. Andrew needs to hear, "We're just barely
getting by as it is and we need people who are digging this game! It's a
real morale-killer to have a big whiny baby like Osten crying that he wants
to go home!" Tijuana takes him aside and tries to give him a pep talk,
"You're leaving would be a loss to the tribe and a personal loss to me!"
but Osten is apparently morbidly afraid of catching pneumonia, which he's
had in the past. "Can't you just at least wait UNTIL you actually GET
pneumonia before you throw in the towel?" Tijuana asks. Big Whiny Osten
huffs, "Yeah, that sounds like a GREAT idea." Every time you think Morgan
is as miserable as they can get, they drill deeper.

ALL SURVIVOR SHAWNS ARE STUPID

Back at Drake, Dumb Shawn is carelessly dragging the precious spear behind
him, and the tip falls off. By the time he realizes this, he has no idea
where it's gone so he has to fess up to Rupert, who doesn't buy Shawn's
claim that he searched as hard as he could, "He kept sayin' that he was
exhausted by the search and he was thrown in tuh the rocks--look at our
bay, it's like a bathtub!" Shawn is put out by Rupert's frustration, "I
had a mishap that could happen to anyone as careless and self-centered as I
am. I don't like it when people aren't adoring me and Rupert's especially
angry because he'd become rather addicted to eating food." No one is happy
with defensive Shawn and when Christa jokes that they should make a pact to
not allow Shawn to use the spear ever again, Shawn whimpers, "You know
what? I took a risk. I went fishing. I could have not gone fishing and
therefore NOT risked losing the one thing that stands between our tribe and
starvation but I was brave, I ventured out of my comfort zone and I fished
and yes, I made an error and lost the -tip. But let's not forget the most
important thing, and that's that I TRIED my best." Christa muses, "Dude,
Shawn is the biggest puss I've ever met in my whole life and I'm a frickin'
hippie." Shawn plays the martyr and insists he will go out all by himself
to find the lost piece, but Rupert is heartsick as the group talks of
violating his beloved spear by tying a fork to it, so he goes out as well.
He searches in a grid pattern and eventually finds it. When a relieved but
unredeemed Shawn asks where it was, Rupert shoots back, "In the ocean."
Rupert rules. :D

KEEP YOUR PANTS ON, ITS IMMUNITY AN CHALLENGE

Immunity Haiku:

When op'ning a box
Is a Herculean task
You're probably screwed

The tribes assemble for the challenge and Jeff asks Sandra about her trip
to Morgan, "Did you enjoy being a pirate?" She sing-songs in the
affirmative and Jeff reminds her that payback is, well, like her to hear
the Morons tell it. The challenge is of the complicated variety--three
tribe members are tied to a raft that is being sent out to sea by a pulley
system operated on the beach by the rival tribe. The people on the boat
get untied, take a bamboo box from the raft's mast, and swim back. When
they are all together, the tribes then open the box to find coordinates
which show them where to dig, they find their flag, attach it to a pole and
then plant the flag pole in a stand and they win. Morgan actually gets out
to a sizable lead by pulling, untying and swimming very well but then comes
time to open up that fragile little box with the digging coordinates in
it--and they can't do it. Drake catches up and wins. It's hard not to
feel bad for the defeated Morgan Moron's, even when you're furious with
them. And they sink into even deeper despair...

THERE'S NO "I" IN TEAM, BUT IT IS IN QUIT...

At camp, Osten tells Nerd Ryan to vote him out. This gives the skinny
scapegoat some hope, "I was surprised at first but if you're heart's not in
it, you're heart's not in it. Many a Dungeons and Dragons Tournament has
ended the same way." Big Whiny Osten, still looking like an advertisement
for the Bo-Flex, insists to the camera that his body is just plumb giving
out on him, which fills Lil with rage as she watches him and Cute Ryan (are
they calling him Rhino or does Ryan O just sound like Rhino?) play catch on
the beach, "He's just quitting because he doesn't like getting beat all the
time." Tijuana is disappointed to learn Osten asked Nerd Ryan to vote him
out, though it seems that he's the ONLY person Osten asked. Andrew
implores Osten to stay in the game, insisting they don't have a prayer
without his physical strength. Is Osten going to be held hostage like last
season's Shawna?

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff has already had just about enough of the mewling Morgan's and their
lame-ass excuses. He mocks Andrew when he blames Sandra's taking their
tarp on their lack of sleep when they weren't getting any sleep or warmth
in the first place. Nerd Ryan thinks they haven't been focused or
communicative enough and when he says they need an agenda, Andrew and Rhino
nod in agreement. When Lillian gives the tribe high marks for their guts
and heart, Jeff takes exception to her saying they've been close to winning
all the challenges, "Hey, thanks to Floaty McCan't-Dive here, you'd
probably still be at that Reward Challenge!" Everyone laughs at Nerd
Ryan's expense. Osten owns his hatred of all things rough and rustic.
Lillian says the only think they need to do differently is fish more and an
incredulous Jeff Probst can't get wise Lillian to rise to the bait. He
asks everyone what they'll base their votes on. Lil and Nerd Ryan talk
about heart, Andrew talks about the weakest link. Lillian is devastated
when her only true friend Nerd Ryan goes down in a hail of votes, 5-2. In
his exit, he regrets not making friends with the right people, and feels
his knowledge of the game should have meant a better finish. He also feels
he didn't give 110% and the only bright spot to losing him is that maybe we
can retire that cliche? Ryan S. joins "Vote me out" B.B., "Search his bag"
Kel, the pretty but dehydrated Jessie, cantankerous Patricia, the pretty
but dehydrated part deux Tanya and "Search her bag" Janet.

Next week, it's hard to imagine Morgan pulling it together but... they have
to eventually, right??? I think Lillian would be next off. She's a
troop-er, but she's also kind of a wet blanket, and who needs that when
you're freezing to death? Fact is, she just doesn't fit in. Darrah is the
only other real option unless Big Whiny Osten really DOES quit this time.
If Drake loses, I'd expect pointless Jon to go, but it could be one of the
ladies--hard to say who's the weak link as we haven't spent a lot of time
there. Despite Rupert's feelings on the matter, I doubt they'd dump
Shawn's upper-body strength this early. Peace Out! Christine :D