opinionjamboree

17.11 "I wanna be aligned with the good guys."

2008-12-11T18:57:00.003-08:00

Kenny really is getting to be insufferable--I hate that Bob is falling for his whining after Bob and Corrine semi-played him.

Bob keeps winning stuff--I love it. What I don't like is when people come on Survivor and get all pious about their integrity. Bob's promise to Kenny was stupid.

I like Matty, but he doesn't have much of a personality.

Crystal's decision to bully Matty was a HUGE mistake. Sugar was set on sticking with Ken and Crystal, and then they revealed their arrogance.

I like the carnival games--last week giant gorge skee ball, this week, mini baseketball. ANd the blindfolded obstacle and puzzle was awesome.

Kenny wants to use Bob's dumb promise against him. Bob is irritated at Kenny's whiny request, and he should be, but he put himself in this situation. But Kenny REALLY over played the necklace thing. He should've let it lie. Kenny also came off like a punk calling Bob out about it Tribal. The jury was happy to see him keep it--they don't realize he's safe anyway.

I LOVED when Sugar told Matty to let her do the thinking, LOL, that was awesome. Sugar is awesome. But she should never play poker. Interesting that Jeff didn't ask Sugar anything of substance at Tribal. I think he knew Sugar might give something away. Jeff claims he's not biased, but he violates the Prime Dirrective every now and again.

LOVED Sugar giving Matty the Idol--and the jury was thrilled. Corrine may hate Sugar, but she hates Crystal and Kenny more. Can Kenny win? I doubt it--unless he goes in with Susie. Interesting. Not super compelling, but interesting. I'd like Sugar, Bob, Matty...then Kenny then Susie--Susie flat out hasn't done jack crap. Kenny at least has played a good game (at times). But I'm hoping for Sugar or Bob. Time will tell...

Peace Out!

Christine

See ya Crystal.

17.10 "He smelled like a campfire, he smelled good!"

2008-12-11T18:57:00.001-08:00

This season has had it's moments, but it's easily the worst since Vanuatu--another season that had some great scheming but not a lot of rootable players.

I did like that Bob and Corrine's plan was plausible and their execution was almost flawless--Corrine was a little too suck uppy with Ken. Ken was so quick to buy their story. I don't QUITE get being so anxious to dump Matty as a physical threat when Corrine has all the friends of the jry--she absolutly needed to go, and not just because she's a hateful witch.

I really really hate the Nobag name.

I loved when Susie yelled at Corrine about what a baby Corrine was being about the fact that everyone else is playing the game too--and they're playing it better than you, Corrine.

I loved the discussion of how to spell Corrine's name. Hah!

I'll be glad when this is over.

Christine

It was nice to see the loved ones, and I got weepy when Sugar and her sister spread the ashes

Survivor 17.9 "Wait for it. Wait for it."

2008-11-21T21:25:00.000-08:00

It continues to boggle my mind how Corrine can continue going around talking about how stupid Sugar and Matty are, when it is her who is continually being played.

I'm glad they got rid of the whole "pooling money" thing from the auction a little while back. Kenny played the whole thing very badly--too passive. I think he does well when he can immerse himself in the "game," and be this character he's created, but when things get social, he gets shy and awkward. He was wise to defer to Matty, who needed some sort of reassurance of thier friendship, but why not bid for the clue? Fortunatley, it didn't help Corrine win in the end, but still. In Guatemala, doomed Danni parlayed a leg-up in ONE challenge to an eventual Championship.

Wasn't it classic to watch Randy and Corrine actually talking about Randy's strategy of REALLY BEING AS ASS, as like, a new and exciting strategy and not, you know, RANDY? But then it got even better--logical Randy actually got Matty to lobby the others to dump Bob before Randy...and then undid it by insulting Matty to his face and being ugly and hostile to Susie. Oh, but everyone ELSE is stupid, right Corrine?

Does Sugar come off even remotely dumb to anyone else? She's sweet, witty...yet Randy, Corrine and Bob don't think for a second that she has it--even when Bob reads ALL the clues and doesn't find it, he thinks it's still out there, and Randy and Corrine just flat out don't thing she found it--and remember, Marcus told her she was continually sent back because they all thought she'd need to use it to stay alive--so they think she must be annoying as well. I think she's delightful.

There was a smart side to Randy and Corrine's plan--they were correct that they couldn't pull off any sort of niceness and "let's be friends" fakeness (though Corrine really should be trying to flirt her way in with Kenny--it really wouldn't take much more than talking to him every now and then). Anyway, we've seen the Idol switcheroo work wonderfully in the past (bye, Edgardo)and they're desperate. So, okay, there's a chance Bob has the Idol, so the plan is reasonably sound...and you plan to blindside...SUSIE. Just 'cuz ya hate her. Kenny and Matty would make a lot of sense. I get NOT getting rid of Matty because he doesn't totally hate you, but firemaking notwithstanding...is Susie really a threat? But maybe they're so hatefilled, they don't see any of them as threats so who cares?

So, Randy's a goner no matter what happens, but Sugar spices it up by convincing Bob (who confided in her that he has a fake Idol) to give it to Randy so that he can make a jackass out of himself by using it. The look of smugness on his face--the way he tried to pass himself off as a good and generous person as he recounted that ridiculousness over the cookies--oh, he so had it coming. I loved, too, how everyone could hear Crystal yelling her hate as she cast her vote. It was all very awesome and mean spiteful Randy had it coming--though I'm curious as to why Bob went along with such a mean scheme. I'm hoping Sugar's plan involves overthrowing Kenny, Crystal and Susie. I'd like to see Sugar, Bob and Matty make it to the end. I'd also, just out of curiosity like to see Olympian Crystal do something...you know...athletic?

Randy finishes in 8th place, just like Poor Jenna, mean Jerri (though she seems downright cuddly next to Corrine), bitchy Brandon, weird Zoe, Ken the cop, Deena who outsmarted herself, dear Rupert, brave Chad, weak Janu, paranoid Jamie, sweet Sally, snotty Candice and arrogant Mookie. In China, goffball Frosti ran out of luck.

Peace Out!

Christine :D

Survivor 17.8 "I have to act like I care about her."

2008-11-15T16:56:00.000-08:00

Why are Randy and Corrine so full of hate? Why does everyone continue to underestimate sweet ol' Sugar?

I loved when Corrine and Charlie had their post-Marcus meltdown and said he "deserved" to stay in the game longer, and Kenny and Susie shut them down. Deserve ain't got nothing to do with it. Randy's inabilty to get over Matty's "not listening to him" about his 100% chance vs. Matty's 90% chance to win the game--which they won, EVEN AFTER THEY WON just showed how unstable Randy is--Now that Matty has more power in the tribe, he should be mending fences right around now.

I loved how Charlie was lamenting losing Marcus's brains--"he did a lot of our thinking" when genius boy's throwing away the Idol was monumentally stupid. Survivor at it's best is one Aesop's fable after another and people keep getting cocky. Kenny better watch out.

Uh, Bob's fake Idol kicks ASS! I'd fall for it.

Did anyone else think Randy's criticism of Crystal and GC, was loaded with racial overtones?

Loved how Randy mocked Crystal's patheticness re: building a fire, and then he couldn't do it either. Who did? Susie and Sugar. Loved it.

Randy is Buseyesque, don't you think?

I loved when Sugar told Jeff she wouldn't have annoyed people around camp had she spent more time there, because she doesn't talk crap about people.

LOVED when Jeff had to have Randy explaing that his C.C. vote was for Crystal Cox.

LOVED that Sugar voted against Charlie, after Corrine went on and on to us about how stupid Sugar was to believe Corrine's fake friendship.

Charlie wasn't as bad as the rest of his group, but he was getting smug. He finishes in 9th place with goofball Greg, finger-wagging Alicia, falsely accused Kelly, Cry baby Johnny pots and pans, busty Erin, Dave the rocket-scientist, Ryan-O, Sarge, Coby, Bobby Jon (his 2nd ouster), Austin, self-enamored Nathan, Edgardo (best blind side EVER??) and ca-raaazy Jean Robert.

Peace Out! :)

Christine

17.7 "I am an extremely vindictive person and I will get my revenge."

2008-11-10T23:43:00.000-08:00

Ha! I was very pleased with the twist that brought a premature end to the dull alliance of Marcus, Charlie Randy and Corrine. Turns out, they're gonna have to prove they can roll with the punches.

Observations:

I laughed when Randy chewed out Susie for assuming was being a complete ass the ONE TIME he wasn't being a complete ass.

Loved how proud Marcus was about his oh so brilliant idea to manipulate everyone into not taking the Idol and instead, dumping it in the ocean. You're right, Marcus, that HAS never been done before! What was up with the Fang's not trying to get it? The whole "We'll look like jerks if we admit we have no power and feel vulnerable" thing was troubling.

I hate Randy.

I lobster hate Corrine.

Random that Marcus is tight with Crystal's cousin--loved how Crystal played him. Marcus seems like a great guy--but he also seems like the kind of guy who assumes everyone's rooting for him because he's such a great guy. Crystal quardupled her standing as a major player by recognizing that Marcus' offer to take her in as a replacement for Susie was a bad deal, especially as he wanted to eliminate her best bud Kenny.

Enjoyed the drama of Sugar realizng she ousted Ace too soon and that she'd been played by Kenny--it's very soapy.

I'm very tired of Susie saying she has to be Top Three--it's like Rain Man and Wapner. Susie definitly has to be Top 3.

I was frustrated with that horrible Kelly's inability to communicate a few weeks ago, so was therefor gratified when Crystal laid it all out for Susie--when she did the social math for her about how Marcus couldn't promise her anything because Randy and Corrine hate Susie.

Blidesides rule. The only sadness I have is for poor Charlie. I hope he recovers.

Marcus finishes in 10th place, like Survivor's first ever major blindside, Gretchen. In the Outback we lost mean Jeff and in Africa Clarence Black of beancangate fame. Boston Rob was dismissed in the Marquesas (but will we ever be rid of him?) and in Thailand we lost that seasn's only sane, rootable player Shii Ann. Roger was ousted by those rotten kids in the Amazon. In the Pearl Islands, all kinds of wacky crap went down--upshot is, we call 110% Andrew, mean Shawn and Osten the quitter as all tied for 10th place. Sweet Bobby Jon left the game (but not my heart), Farmer Brandon, nice guy Nick, prickly Jenny, Michelle...who's escaping me at the moment. In China, Jaime's fake idol couldn't not protect her.

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 17.6 "I want to stab her in the face"

2008-11-01T16:28:00.000-07:00

This season kinda sucks. It's not Thaliand bad, but it's Vanautuish, there's just no one to really root for. Prt of the problem is we know so little about Kota, and we know too damn much about Fang. When the tide started to really turn on Ace, I was thrilled, but had Crystal gone, it would've been no big deal.

Poor dumb Dan bumbled around telling everyone how super insecure he was, Randy got meaner and meaner--when Kota won that challenge and he was like, "The bset part about having all this food is THEY don't GET any of it!!" You could tell the others were shocked. The power click of Marcus, Corrine and Charlie have dumped weird Bob for mean Randy...what does it all mean? No one wants to give Randy a million dollars, is what it means.

I enjoyed both teams competing for individual immunity on the log roll--Fang was actually able to have fun. Winner Marcus was then able to give Immunity to Sugar, hoping to turn the tide against a "strong player" like Ace, Matty or Chrstal. I think everyone's waaaaay underestimating Sugar. Ace sure was--he certainly didn't anticipate her turning on him before he turned her in. Good riddance to Ace and his come and go British accent and all his Coup d'whatevers and lambs to the slaughter. Ace finsishes in 12th place with Bible-thumping Dirk, stinky kimmi, Stupid Silas, hippie Gabe, dull Stephanie, tough Jeanne, pointless Michelle, Lisa who was misinterpretted by mean Ami, James who should've been Jom Bob, Smart Brian, crass Bobby, charming Brad and James who I so relentlessly called Rocky, I didn't know who James was until I reread my old blogs. Last season, hot but dumb Aaron was the victim of a tribe switch-up.

Beacuse of the double elimination, we finally spent some quality time at Kota. I'm intruiged at the bond between nice-guys Marcus and Charlie and meanies Corrine and Randy. And I'm glad they didn't get rid of Susie right when she revealed herself to be crazy (read: interesting). It was truly stupid of Susie to reveal to Corrine that she was going to vote for her, but man did Corrine over react (see above quote in title). I'm wondering if this group has what it takes to survive a merge? Should be interesting. I especially loved at Tribal when Corrine used "we" in talking about how her clique had decided to vote and then she akwardly said "I mean, I..." I think it'll be hard for them to keep Bob from sensing he's been dumped for the less appealing Randy, and Bob might join up with Matty, Kenny, Sugar and Crystal.

Poor Dumb Dan finishes in 11th place with Joel, Michael who fell in the fire, angry Lindsay, doomed Gina, Dumbb Robb, Shawna the hostage, Trish who flipped on Rupert, John K., Ibrehim, Amy the cop, Dan the Astronaut Man, someone named Rebecca I barely remember, and that horrible Lisi from Fiji who quit and insisted she didn't. In China, Sherea wore out her welcome.

Next up: looks like a merge, hopefully the non-elephant parts of the show will start to get interesting (you gotta love those elephants).

Peace out!

Christine

Survivor 17.5 "He's the troll under the bridge."

2008-10-23T23:28:00.000-07:00

Gotta agree with Crystal--Randy lost big time points with me for mocking Fang over their continued starvation. He was right about them eating too much rice though. ANd it was Jeff who said "Hey, Kota, why don't you eat these danishes in front of Fang." That wasn't cool, Jeff. It's funny that the only jerks on Kota are from Fang, Randy and dumb Dan, who's eating his way out of his tribemates good graces. He's just a tool--which Kota will use and throw away as soon as they're done.

I don't get Sugar--I know a lot of what Ace does is for the camera, so maybe they've bonded in a real way. But to give him the Idol? Really? I hope she gets closer to Kenny, who I think is more genuine. Matty's alliance made a certain amount of sense. Matty's gone a little native and nuts, no?

Oh, sweet Sugar, crying because the others can't share in the fruit she gets in Exile. Oh, stupid arrogant Ace, ordering everyone out of his way so he could bleep up the flag pole all by himself. I'm glad Kota will vote someone out next week, just so we can see the discussion--the preview looked great!

Is there anything more irritating than Kelly's utter lack of affect? That monotone voice, those dead shark eyes--like a doll's eyes...Oh, sorry, that was "Jaws." I enjoyed how Crystal and Ace aren't friends but bonded in an odd way over their hatred of Kelly. Ace as usual viewed her ouster as a bigger victory than it was--anothe coup d'gras!

Kelly finishes in 13th place along with sick Ramona, skinny Mitch, "Did your momma never hug ya?" Linda, big boobed Sarah, rage filled Ghandia, superstitious Joanna, Burton the Bully who was shamefully allowed back in, Bubba the guy that wore the Bob Barker shirt, Angie the Illustrated Girl, Nurse Margaret, classy Ruth-Marie, Jessica aka Flicka, Camp Cookie Anthony, and craaaazy Dave the ex-Model. Bet they all wish they'd kept Jackie around, eh?

Peace out, Christine :)

Survivor 17.4 "Maybe he got eaten by a monkey, dude."

2008-10-16T19:25:00.000-07:00

I enjoy Sugar's happiness at going to the Sugar Shack but wish she'd tried to be a little more sly--why tell everyone you kicked back and ate fruit? Why not pretend you looked in vain again? She pretty much told her tribe she had the Idol.

And what was with Dan's cockiness? Trying to rile up Kota to think of themselves as "The Evil Empire"? Poor dumb Dan-trying too hard, as always. But if suits Marcus, Corrine and Charlie, who ares till floating under the radar--but out a 4th with jackie's ouster. I liked how they were pretty much like "Kelly sucks" to her face when they realized Fang had dumped valuable Jackie for Kelly. Randy might make a good fit for Macus/Corrine and Charlie. ANd bless Charlie for his compassion towards hungry Fang.

GC's continued big baby-ness was entertaining and obnoxious. Again with the "I'm a grown man" crap when Crystal JOKINGLY tells him what to do (EAT! for crying out loud)Then he goes off on his very un-grown-man-like pity party. I was glad that everyone was suitablly ticked, and liked Crystal's refusing to call after "A grown man." Crystal knows what the term means. Was Kenny being sarcastic or loyal to GC when he referred to GC's behavior as "how he rolls"?

Ace's screw-up in the Immunity--he actually listened to Randy on the other team instead of his own caller, Sugar--was awesome. Why didn't he get more flak for it? he was still prancing around with that smug smile like he's a master manipulator. It helps knowing he doesn't have fans on the other tribe either but seriously--is he a sociopath? Why can't Sugar see through his crap?

GC finishes in 14th place. In season one, 14th place Stacey the lawyer accused the producers of engineering her ouster. In the outback, Mad dog was betrayed by pal Tina on her way to the top. In Africa, Carl the dentist was punished for having a job and nice things while my husband Hunter was evicted because Boston Rob was so jealous of his awesomeness. Lame Jed went in Thailand, weak Daniel in the Amazon, HORRIBLE Lill the femalebou scout was booted but allowed back in, Brady the FBI agent was voted out and never heard from again, Willard pretended not to be a lawyer, Blake talked too much about his girlfriend's boobs, Misty wasn't as powerful a flirt as she thought, and Cristina and then Rita...I got nothing. In China, Leslie the ultra-Christian got the boot.

Peace Out,

Christine :)

Survivor 17.3 "I will do my best despite hating each and every one of you."

2008-10-09T20:23:00.000-07:00

Heavy Sigh. I'm finding this season a shade...of an effort. It's not Thailand bad, but I'm just finding hard to root for anyone. There are an awful lot of whiny babies this round, no? I did enjoy the shake-up, and Kenny's smart game instincts that had him overriding Ace and picking weak-link Kelly, and wasn't it nice for CHarlie to inform us how happy he was to still be on a tribe with Marcus? Really, you like Marcus? We didn't know.

In this episode, more than the previous two, Ace's accent really did seem to come and go--though that could be a reslut of his playing it up for his tribemates. Since I hate Ace, I was at first happy for Kelly when she found allies in Crystal, GC and Kenny but once i saw her in action, I'm with Ace and Sugar--Kelly sucks. ANd she knows it ANd she doesn't care. What an abomination of a player she is. I mean, to quit in the middle of a challenge has precedent, but shw was actually whining about it while the oterhs were trying to win. Even GC said she had a bad attitude. Still, Kenny and co. were fearful of Sugar and Ace's bond and Sugar's potential Idol ahving. It was smart of them to see that Sugar would never give Kelly the idol, but MAN is she terrible. I'm still rather flabbergasted that Kelly 1) had the gall to criticize Kenny and Crystal at Tribal KNOWING she sucked and KNOWING her head was on the block and 2) she got away with it. ANd then she even looked smug about Jackie getting voted out, when the only reason she hersefl was being kept around was because of how unliked and lame-ass she is! I kept having to remind myself that Ace was disappointed--again, he made a show of his petty little vendetta with Kelly, like his vote against her would really fix HER wagon. He reminds me of Sideshow Bob--with a lot less hair, obviously, but really.

Porr Jackie. She finishes in 15th place along with BB who quit, Kel who snuck food, Jessie who puked, Patricia who bossed, Tanya who puked, Janet who snuck food, Skinny Nerd Ryan, mean Mia, useless Kim, useless Brooke, Melinda who I can picture but that's it, Crazy Cao Boi, forgetable Liliana and pro-wrestler with the fake rack, Ashley.

Peace out! Christine :)

Survivor 17.2 "I'm not sure that accent is real"

2008-10-03T18:39:00.000-07:00

Randy said it all about Fang: They're stupid, and they don't know they're stupid. ANd man, I just want to punch GC. Arrogant for no apparent reason, his petulant reaction to Randy's logical suggestion that they stop eating three meals a day because they're, you know, on Survivor was embarrassing. Sweetdumbdan looked quite scared when GC tried to bully Randy into admitting he was the leader--I wish Randy would've just stepped up and said YES, I'm the leader--someone's got to do it! But he's a Fang, so leadership is a disease. I still enjoy his observations though, and the look he gets on his face whenever Jeff's explaning a challenge like, "Can they make us do that? Is that legal?"

We did finally spend a lot of time with Kota--a huge tip-off that they were gonna lose ImmunityAce has sweet but maleable Sugar in his pocket. Weak link Paloma is so out of the loop, she brags to the camera that she's not bowing down to Ace like eveyone else. Sweetie, most of them are in a semi-secret alliance and playing Ace like a violin. Sorry you didn't get the memo. Ace continues to be smarmy and boorish--his stage yawn before the challenge was such a jerky move. It wasn't a bad idea to push Paloma into the spotlight in the challenge so everyone would realize she sucks, but it was really dumb to try and make out Sugar's performance as anything north of meh. Everyone saw through it, and acted like they were the only people who saw through it. There's some smart people on Kota, but I don't think any of them are are quite as smart as they think they are.

I now totally heart Sugar after her stay in Exile--she's a hoot. How the hell is she the only one not hip to Ace's lame game? I'm with Corrine--he's a slick huckster with a possibly fake accent. Sugar marvelled at beating the lawyer to the idol--haven't any of these people met a dumb lawyer? I have. Anyway, it was fun to see Kota lose to Fang, with Ken the gamer out mathing Professro Bob (who's so pale he looks positivly ghoulish looking at times. I thought the show did a good job at making it seem like Ace might go, though it does seem early. Ace may lack subtlety, but Marcus was masterful in his fake but plausible praise of Ace as a like-minded ally. Telling him exactly what he wants to hear, but not in an over the top way. As much as I hate Ace, I'm relieved I won't have to hear Paloma squeak about him anymore. I did enjoy her classic exit speech--did CBS intentionally cut her off before she could finish her vow to never watch the show again if Ace wins. I wouldn't go that far, but I know where she's coming from.

Last season, like All-stars, was too wacky to count in my recaps of who finished in what place. You can't put Tina and Yau-man down with the Paloma's of the game. Anyway, Paloma finishes in 16th place. Sonja and her ukelele was our first 16th placer, back wehn 16th was last place. Then there was Deb the crybaby prison guard, crazy lying Diane, Peter who talked too much about his (ahem) body functions, Bossy John the reverend, Ryan the flirt who wound up on an all-dude tribe, Nicole who I barely remember, equally unmemorable John P., Jeff who "hurt his ankle", some chick named Brianna, Tina the lumberjill, a woman named Stephannie, Gary who was medivaced out, and last but not least, Chicken. You don't forget a guy named Chicken.

Peace out!

Christine

Survivor: 17.1 Gabon premeire

2008-09-29T17:51:00.000-07:00

I've decided to start posting some reactions to Survivor again. Nothing near as in depth as I've done in the past--I didn't even take notes so I've got no quote :)

It's great that they've returned to Africa for the first time since season three. That was a brutal season and this year proves to be as well--hence the semi-built shelters and giving the losers flint anyway--you just know the CBS legal department was like, "If you don't give these people water and shelter, someone will die."

So far, we have a winning tribe, and a losing tribe. Kota has mildly smug but hella useful Bob and the unbelievably vain Ace, who's accent and attitude (and bald head) makes me wanna sing "I'm too sexy my buff" everytime he starts singing his own praises. It's fun to watch him boast about his awesomeness while a strong alliance forms under his nose---and Charlie's constant gushing about how awesome Marcus is adorable, but troublesome. Charlie seems a little naive for the game.

The Fang tribe is one of those tribes that comes along every once in awhile, that seems more like a rehab group therapy session than a bunch of people playing a game. You've got GC the angry young man getting into it with the chatty know-it-all Gillian, with cynical Randy giving hilarious running commentary throughout. Randy is my favorite player right now. Makes me laugh every time he opens his mouth. But Fang is factionalizing in non-strategic ways. I mean, they're just dumb. I couldn't believe how close those idiots came to voing out strong Dan because he might have the idol and thus "be in control of the game." What?? It isn't magic, folks. Worse was the idea Matty and Crystal (the unathletic athlete) had that Dan must be smart--because he's a lawyer. Remeber Dr. Sean the brain doctor? How are they missing the perpetual look of confusion on Dan's face, be he happy or concerned? You know those soup to go commercial with that guy who always has the soup mustache? The um yummy guy? That's Dan.

Oh, and I almost forgot Ken, the gamer, who was so devoted to possible hook-up Michelle, except Survivor isn't actually an alternate universe. It had "Beauty and the Geek" potential, except what made the first couple seasons of that show work was the girls were actually nice. My favorite scene of the premeire was when Ken told Michelle the others were thinking about voting her out because she was bitchy and never talked to any of them and she was all "Ug, those guys are so lame! That's why I never talk to them." Classic. Gillian's departure only surprised me in that she survived one elimination after suggesting the group should look in the elephant dung for something to eat. On the FIRST DAY.

And again with the fear of being the leader. Yet many winners--Rich, Ethan, Porn Star Brian, Jenna, Tom, Aras, Yul, Earl, Todd...have all played some sort of leadership roll in their tribes. It's not leadership that gets you voted out, it's arrogance--and some of the above survived that too! The problem with Fang is they are too dumb to know the difference between being bossy and being inspiring. And they could sure use some inspiration.

Michelle was voted out in 18th place, joining a guy named Brook in Vanuatu, Jolanda from the doomed tribe of Palau that never won, ol' Jim from Guatemala, Cecelia from the Cook Islands and Erica from Fiji.

Gillian was voted out in 17th place like sweet Dolly in Vanuatu, Ashlee in Palau, Morgan the magician's asst. in Guatelmala, hot but arrogant JP in a stunning early Cook Islands twist, and Sylvia in Fiji who used big words that threatened her tribe. It's ok if you don't remember most of these people, as they are losers.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Christine :D

Survivor 15.12 "We're the meanies." and predictions

2007-12-15T18:38:00.000-08:00

Niners Win!!! Sorry, but I don't get a lot of chances to say that ;)

The reward challenge this week said it all about Peih Gee's status as the ultimate outsider. Each player was given six arrows that would be fired from a repeating cross bow, but they had to secretly distribute their six arrows amongst the other contestants and give none to themselves. Courtney got 12, Todd got six, Amanda got 4, Denise 2 and Peih Gee gets a pity arrow from Courtney. Denise mutters something about being at "the bottom of the totem pole" but it's Denise, who's positively existential about her place in the game, refusing to act. Peih Gee just continues to get more and more bitter. Todd does remarkably well and when Jeff marvels at his shooting skill Todd quips "It's secretly a hobby of mine." But it's Courtney's misfires for Denise that make the lunchlady the winner, so she picks Courtney to go with her. When she has to pick a second person, she goes with Todd, and a tearful, bitter Peih Gee can't believe that after taking her to the Shaolin Temple, Denise would opt not to take her to two straight rewards, but Denise doesn't want Peih Gee to get any stronger. Peih Gee later regrets her meltdown, a pattern for the odd girl who can be remote and volatile at the same time. Amanda also hates being on the outside for once--hey, it's no fun being Denise, is it? Amanda takes the time she alone with Peih Gee to ask her why she doesn't like her, and Peih Gee and she clear the air and establish what seems to be a actual respect and fondness for the other. The two bond as they eat a double helping of rice and later that night, Amanda disses the passive Denise as a perpetual puppet, first for Jean Robert and James, and now for Todd and her. She tells Peih Gee's she's open to changing things up...

Elsewhere, Todd does his Flight Attendant routine for the gals and then they are blown away by the Great Wall of China, but not so much their feast, which involves heating raw meat in hot sauce. They don't like it, they don't get it. Courtney reveals to us that Todd was brought along so's not to incur his anger. That Night, Todd speculates that if Peih Gee wins Immunity, they should think about dumping Amanda, who's probably well liked by the jury. "We're the meanies," Courtney adds. She shrugingly agrees, but she also points out that they'd pretty much be plotting to dump whoever wasn't hear. Denise is troubled by how easy is is for Todd to talk about backstabbing his closest ally, but we all she's unlikely to do anything about it. WHen the gang gets home, they're irrationally miffed that the girls aren't waiting with bated breath back at camp (they went to fetch water). They wish they'd at the well when Courtney and Todd proceed to bitch about how weird the food was. They actually complain about winning a reward! Then Denise tattles on Todd--that they'd brought back sandwiches which he ate on the plane, so Amanda has to be content with some nuts and berries Denise scrounged.

The Immunity Challenge combined a bunch of past challenges--Courtney is a sport when Jeff reveals the rope cutting puzzle that left her spent and unglued early in the season. Todd is out early when he can't manage the throwing stars. Then we have the gross eating challenge, where they have to eat that chicken fetus with feathers. Peih Gee eats it with relish as Denise gags again (she choked last time). Denise quits, which irritates Probst. He's pretty sick of her "I ain't gonna do nuthin" attitude. I can't fault her for not eating that thing--I mean, I can't eat a lot of things that most people thing are delicious, let alone that horrible thing, but everything about her gameplay, if you even really want to call it that is very "I'm just along for the ride." Courtney asks Jeff is she still has to eat if Denise is quitting, and he says yes, so she does. Courntey is out on the bouncing a ball on a drum thing, and Amanda and Peih Gee slug it out hacking those ropes and building that puzzle of heavy rings and Amanda wins.

Back at camp, Denise and Amanda give Peih Gee props for how well she played, and Peih Gee's chances of surviving are bolstered a bit when Todd complains about how much rice Amanda ate while he and Denise and Courntey were eating meat on the Freakin' Great Wall of China. But Denise balks at the idea because she thinks she can beat the shifty Todd with the jury. Todd and Courtney go to get water and Todd asks if Peih Gee's lobbying. Courntey says no but then wisely adds, "Unless she's just not talking to us."

At Tribal Courntey again whines about the "bad reward food," and Peih Gee blows a great opportunity to rag on she and Todd legitimately, and making a case for her being a fighter and a more sympathetic person, by instead getting whiny herself and making the ridiculous claim that unlike them she's a "positive person." Uh...yeah, okay. She does dig at Courtney for being "carried" but, I always hate that argument, especially as Courtney has played a rather impressive social game If Peih Gee had tried to be just a little more pleasant to be around, instead of being a grouchy martyr, maybe she could have made inroads. Then Todd answers Jeff's question about who he would take into the Finals: the most deserving or the one he could beat, by proudly stating he'd go with the most beatable. Amanda grimaces, because she must know he just said "I'm taking Courtney, not Amanda." But she doesn't vote him out, and Peih Gee goes out in 5th place. Todd makes a big show of rolling his eyes and smugly smiling as Peih Gee and Amanda hug, earning a very angry look from Eric. Todd had better watch his attitude--he wants to be another Richard Hatch, but his cockiness reminds me of Boston Rob in the All-Stars, and we all know how that worked out, and Todd is unlikely to marry Courtney or Amanda and get the big check anyway.

PREDICTIONS:

Denise seems the most likely vote out at 4th place--she's being brought along for her vote and she's just outlived her usefulness. But really, I think Denise is the best person to take to the Finals--all this "She's a mother, so people will vote for her," stuff is crap (the jury is all a bunch of young singles) and the fact that she hasn't "pissed anyone off" is a direct result of her not having done much at all, game wise. People like to vote for someone who beat them, and she didn't beat anyone. But Denise will go 4th. Next will depend on who wins Immunity. I'd love to see Amanda and TOdd square off, but if they go back to a Final Two (and the promos say 3 Tribal Councils, so i looks like it), then it will be up to the Immunity winner. Todd and Amanda would both take Courtney, and Courtney will take Todd, so Amanda has to win to have a chance. I personally am hoping Amanda wins, though it'll probably be Todd, who has played a great game. I just wish he wasn't so full of himself. Oh, and no car this year? Could they not get one past customs?

Peih Gee ends up in 5th place, where Dr. Sean the idiot brain surgeon did in Borneo. The Outback's good-natured Rodger and Africa's plucky T-Bird were, like Peih Gee, outnumbered when they finished 5th and in the Marquesas we were freed of Sean's big mouth. In Thailand, Ted was blindsided by Brian and Clay and in the Amazon, the guys got rid of the odious Heidi. In the Pearl Islands the girls blindsided smarmy Burton, who left the game for the second time and Jeff's too-young girlfriend Julie was gone here in Vanuatu. Cranky Caryn was booted in 5th place in Palau and the car-curse was brought to a whole new level in Guatemala when Cindy was kicked out after opting to keep her car rather than give one to each of the remaining Finalists. Crazy Shane bought in here on Exile Island and dumb Adam was 5th in the Cook Islands. Last season we bid adieu to goofy Boo.

Peace Out!

Christine :D

Survivor 15.11 "You can almost forgive that, that's funny."

2007-12-10T22:44:00.000-08:00

This episode began with Peih Gee rather obviously refusing to take part in a group hug, and that's her problem--she's a little too honest for the game. I kinda respect her for it, because she knows they want to get rid of her, but still, it wouldn't hurt to fake the funk a little. Then we get the tearful family reunion.reward challenge. We meet Eric's mom, Amanda's sister, Peih Gee's dad, Todd's sister, Courtney's stuffy English dad (who was rather put out to have to partake in the silliness of a challenge) and Denise's husband. When Todd asks after his pregnant sister, he learns that she suffered a miscarriage. Everyone teams up with their loved ones to win a cruise and a phone call home, and Denise and her husband git r done (Amanda and her sister make bird calls to one other during the blindfolded game, which didn't help). Has anyone notice how well Amanda's holding up? SHe hasn't seemed to have lost that much weight. I really do enjoy how Courtney keeps telling Jeff to shut up during his annoying play by play--I'm shocked it's taken 15 seasons for someone to do it. Denise gets to take two people, and she goes with the Power Brokers, Amanda and Todd, which ticks off Peih Gee, since she took Denise on her trip to the Temple.

While they do the usual "Food rules!" bit, the others question whether Todd's sister really lost her baby or if he's just pulling a Johnny Fairplay. It was refreshing to hear contestants directly reference a past cast member, I thought. Courtney's recreation of Todd's getting the news, and Jeff's role in eliciting the information was truly hilarious--Courtney really is a riot. Courtney thinks faking a dead baby is a lot lower than a dead grandmother. Todd assures us the news was real, but understands it may have come off like a play for sympathy. He and Amanda concur that Denise is a threat to win the money because she has kids, whereas they and Courtney are on fairly even terms as single, directionless 20-somethings. Denise apologizes to Peih Gee for not taking her, insisting she has to stay in their good graces to stick around, and again, Peih Gee's like "Mix it up, Denise, join me and Eric!" The Immunity Challenge is demanding, muddy and awesome--the players have crawl thru a mud pit, answer a true and false question and take a key back to the start. If they chose right, they unlock one of their three locks--if not, they have to go all the way back and get the other one. Anyone else notice we've been blissfully puzzle piece free for a couple weeks? It's a nice change of pace. Todd goes out to an early lead, but when he chooses the wrong key for his last lock, Peih Gee is once again able to swoop in on Individual Immunity--admit it, haters, Peih Gee's playing a hell of a game!

Back at camp, Eric passively fights for his life, and Denise considers flipping, but in the end, even though she knows she's fourth in her group, she sticks with it and Eric goes home. I think Denise might have flipped if it was a sure thing, but she could only force a tie, and if Todd beat Eric, she couldn't take that awkwardness and anger back at camp. Denise doesn't do emotional!

Eric is gone in 6th place, joining fellow pretty young thing Colleen, who won America's heart, did a crappy movie with Rob Schneider, and refused to do All-Stars, opening the door for Outback 6th place also-ran Amber to come in and win the dang thing. Lil' Kim shuffled out of Africa here and the General (nickname the only thing interesting about him) departed the Marquesas. In Thailand, Jake left, never understanding that he wasn't being voted out because of his work around camp, and deaf Christy got arrogant and expendable in the Amazon. In the Pearl Islands, Crista aka Big Bird flew the coop and Ami the Evil Lesbian was vanquished in Vanuatu. Smarmy Gregg got the heave-ho in Palau and mean drunk Judd threatened death by crocodile when he was blindsided in Guatemala. On Exile Island, we were put out of our misery when annoying Courtney was cut loose and in the Cook Islands, crafty Parvati couldn't flirt her way any further. Last season, mean Stacy ran out of game.

And We're caught up! Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 15.10 "I'm ready to make the whole freakin' pie."

2007-12-10T22:10:00.000-08:00

Before we got to see what Jeff had planned for our intrepid Survivors at Tribal Council, we had a Thanksgiving clipshow, full of stuff like: the monks had to cover up the girls' boobs before they entered the temple, the Survivors ate worms, etc. There was a great scene where everyone was lazing about and James basically bullied Aaron into working and acting like a leader, and then Aaron wound up "abdicating" in a snit. But, you know, nothing earth-shattering.

So FINALLY, we got to see what Jeff had up his sleeve. James was terrified because he had (very arrogantly) left his Idol's at camp, but it wasn't another vote (like in the Cook Islands. It was a Reward Challenge involving Chinese Trivia, and Peih Gee wound up winning it. The reward was a trip to a Shaolin Temple, and she took her pal Eric and Denise, who she's still trying to get to flip on the Apple Dumpling Gang. She really SHOULD think about it, as the rest of the gang has a "We're the Final Four" fish fry in her absence. But this is where we get our first real surprise, as Amanda reveals to us that she wants to shake things up--she tells us she's not crazy about winding up in the finals against Todd, Courtney or James. Meanwhile, the others have a blast at the Temple, especially Denise, who's been studying the Karate for some time. They get to learn some moves from some adorable children, and Denise gets to show off some of her moves. Peih Gee vows to "keep on truckin'" no matter how dire her situation seems. When they return, it's pouring down rain, and the others are huddled in a cave, being anti-social and rude. When Denise tells Todd that Peih Gee lobbied her to flip on them, Todd got angry at her for, you know, playing the game as hard as he is.

Amanda makes her move, talking up the idea that they have to get James NOW, when he's feeling too confident to "waste" one of his Immunity Idols. Amanda puts a twist on James' apple-mantra, stating that not only is she ready to eat the apple, "I'm ready to make the whole freakin' pie." When Eric wins immunity, James is content to target Peih Gee, but Amanda tells Todd it's now or maybe never with James, but he's now reluctant. Then Peih Gee tries to sway Amanda to get rid of James, and Amanda's all, 'I'm way ahead of you, just play it cool." SO Peih Gee goes back to camp and does a good job of playing "dead" and resigned to her fate. At Tribal, Peih Gee again plays it smart, lamenting how she's been beating her head against a brick wall trying to break into the Apple Dumpling Gang, to no avail. When James talks about how his tribe are winners and they need to get rid of the vanquished, Peih Gee points out that she and Eric have won the last three Individual Immunities. Once again, there is much suspense as the votes are read, and James goes home with two unplayed Idols in his hands. It's very much like an Aesop's Fable. Greed, James. Interestingly enough, Todd beams at the jury with pride, as if he was the architect, even though it was the tearful Amanda who made it happen.

Big, beautiful James goes out in 7th place, where Gervase left us in Borneo and Nick (I swear I'm not making this guy up) left in the Outback. In Africa, we saw the last of kooky Frank and his deer horns while in the Marquesas, dull Tammy was let go. Boring and smug Penny was booted in Thailand and Alex got all drunk with power in the Amazon and got his walking papers. In the Pearl Islands we saw the last of Tijuana and in a shocking coup, Evil Ami's stooge Le Ann was taken out. In Palau, plucky Stephanie's luck ran out and in Guatemala Gary was sacked. In Exile Island, Bruce had to be evac'ed out of the game and shifty Jonathan was taken out to appease the jury in the Cook Islands. Last season, cocky Alex got served.

Peace! Christine :D

Survivor 15.9 "Just don't eat that damn apple."

2007-12-10T21:41:00.000-08:00

This episode started with Denise once again feeling on the outs, because no one told her about the change in plan to oust Jean Robert, so she voted for Peih Gee. She seems to buy everyone's explanation that there was no time (yeah, right). Todd started to fret over Courtney's growing closeness to Frosti, and Peih Gee started to get down about having lost more challenges than anyone else. When her Reward team loses (in part because of James) she takes it out on him and rags on him for half-assing it, which really makes him mad. When she cools off and apologizes, he refuses to accept it, claiming she's just politicking (and with Peih Gee, it really is hard to tell). James starts to fret about having so many of the other tribe still hanging around, and starts his "Just don't eat the damn apple" campaign for sticking with their original five (James, Denise, Todd, Amanda and Courtney). On a reward cruise, Frosti and Courtney get very cuddly, and Eric wins over Amanda. When they get back, they lie about the food they had, claiming to have eaten Chinese and not fried chicken and mashed potatoes, so the others don't get jealous. I'm surprised more people don't do that, really, and yes Neleh, it's STILL wrong that you offered someone your half-sucked mint.

Everyone's down on Peih Gee, and determined to get rid of the off-putting outsider, but then at the Immunity competition, players can opt to not take part in the challenge and eat cheeseburgers and fries instead, and suddenly, only Peih Gee, Amanda, Frosti and Eric are playing and Peih Gee wins the Immunity she so desperately needed and Eric and Frosti are on the block. Frosti lobbies Todd to get rid of Eric because he's so likable, but Todd is more concerned with Frosti's friendship with Courtney, and asks her to vote out Frosti to, in part, prove her loyalty to the Apple Dumpling Gang. At Tribal, she tearfully votes the party line and Frosti is gone. Then Jeff tells everyone they have more business to attend to...a cliffhanger for us to contemplate over Thanksgiving...

Frosti is eliminated in 8th place, where weepy Jenna finally got it in Borneo. In the Outback, a nation was healed by the ouster of evil Jerri, while scheming Brandon was sent home in Africa. Creepy Zoe went bye bye in the Marquesas and Ken the cop was 8th place in Thailand. In the Amazon, Deena got drunk with power and turned on Alex, which angered Jenna so Deena got the axe instead. In the Pearl Islands, our beloved Rupert was felled by that horrible female Boy Scout and amputee Chad was cut loose by the many women of Vanuatu. In Palau, Jeff talked Janu into quitting (you DID Jeff) and crazy Jamie was blindsided in Guatemala. In Exile Island, sweet Sally said farewell and smug Candice was kicked out in the Cook Islands. Last season, we got rid of the unpleasant Mookie.

Peace! Christine :D

Survivor 15.8 "It's almost like a pageant!"

2007-12-10T20:47:00.000-08:00

Since I'm a full four weeks behind, I'm just gonna throw out some quick observations and get get back on track. :D

My favorite thing that happened this week was the introduction of a new credit sequence. Same kick-ass music, same awesome cobra, but only those still in the game are shown now and each week, it shows who's still in the tribe and who's moved to the jury. Love it!

One of the key moments in the reward challenge was when Denise wound up odd person out, and her "free agent" status continues to be in play as we approach the finale. James, Todd, Amanda and Jean Robert wind up visiting a 1000 year old village, where Jean Robert is shocked to learn of the existence of an Immunity Idol. The joke is on him, since James has two of them in his possession, and it was comical to watch the "card shark" get played. Todd grew more bitter over the fact that James didn't offer to give him one of his Idol's, since it was Todd who actually found them, so he hatches a plan to blindside James while he still feels safe.

The Immunity challenge, in which they had to sit as still as possible to maintain their balance on those barrels was a lot of fun, and Courtney continued to be a hoot. When Jeff pointed out that she hadn't moved in 32 minutes, she quipped, "I am lazy," and she accepted the Immunity necklace like a beauty queen accepting a crown. Then Eric finally started playing the game, telling Jean Robert that James had both Idols. This prompted JR to confront James, who played innocent. Jean Robert refused to tell him outright that Eric told him he had the Idols, instead relying on his "I'm a poker player, oooo, I just know things about people, ooooo," bull crap, which didn't impress James one bit. Jena Robert is so hacked off at James's betrayal, he goes to Todd (who, of course, is also betraying him) and tells him they should blindside James, but Todd is so egotistical, he decides to target Jean Robert instead. See, he didn't want JR thinking he was smarter than Todd for coming up with the idea that Todd was already working, so Todd flips on Jean Robert. Now, I hate JR, so whatever, but he was a better dupe than James.

At one of the coolest Tribal Council's ever, the thing played out like a whodunit, and you didn't know who was gonna be the victim and who was gonna be the killers. Peih Gee and Eric (the only ones to bring their stuff) are aiming at James, unaware that the others are about to do in Jean Robert, and the reaction shots--the raised eyebrows, the nervous smiles, in every reaction shot--genius. This should be their Emmy episode.

Jean Robert is booted in 9th place, where we lost Greg, the coconut phone guy. In the Outback, finger-wavin' Alicia was cut down and in Africa, Kelly was targeted by her own alliance when Lex wrongfully decided she had voted against him (she hadn't). In the Marquesas, Johnny Pots and Pans was booted in a wonderful, surprising coup and in Thailand, we lost Erin, yet another unmemorable contestant in that forgettable season. In the Amazon, Dave the rocket scientist was shot down when the all-dude alliance crumbled in like, two seconds and Ryan-O was kicked out of the Pearl Islands at this spot. In Vanuatu, Sarge was stabbed in the back by Twila and Colby went crazy and talked his way out of Palau in 9th place. In Guatemala, we bade a painful second goodbye to sweet Bobby Jon and in exile Island, Austin was sent packing. In the Cook Islands, Nathan was rewarded for supporting Jonathan with a knife in his back, and last season, Edgardo was cut loose in yet another surprise-filled and awesome Tribal Council

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 15.7 "Boo, challenges! Yay, feast!"

2007-11-07T22:40:00.000-08:00

I know there are serious issues involved with the Writer's Strike, people's livlihoods and whatnot, but I do need to add: If I have to wait until 2009 to see "Lost" again, I will explode. Okay, onto to the review...

The show starts with Amanda telling Courtney and Jean Robert that they have to resolve their differances, and Todd telling JR that he's been impressed with JR's improved attitude and effort around camp--which is all part of Jean Robert's strategy. Courtnye is peeved by the fact that the others aren't totally on her side and against JR. She tells us about Todd and Amanda, "I like them more than I like the rest of the people here--I think they mistake that for friendship." Oh, Courtney, are you ever really happy? Let a little love in your heart. Later, Denise and Amanda squirm as Courtney challenges Todd to stand up for her with Jean Robert. Todd is weary of explaining to Courtney how Survivor works--they need JR to think they want to keep him around or he'll flip to the other team when they Merge. Tood spits at the camera, "Deal with it, bitch!" Wow. I now want Todd to get outplayed by someone--anyone, even Jean-Robert...well, okay, not Jean_robert, but Todd's whole "It's my game, you're just getting in my way" attitude is wearing thin with me.

At the Tiger's camp, Peih Gee tries to convince James that they won the last challenge knowing they'd lose Sherea or Frosti--meaning they're loyal to him. She tells James she respects him as a person and as a player and would like to see him go far. He's sort of grunts and nods. It's kinda hard to tell weather Peih Gee means anything she's saying or if she's just grasping for a Plan B. James waits for everyone else to go down to the river and then he takes down the stupid bats above the freakin' things at THIS camp, and finds the second Immunity idol. He's unable to return the other placard, which he took down thinking IT was the Idol, so when the others get back, they're like, what happened to the stupid bats over the freakin' thing? Jaime finds the non-Idol, and then she and Erik search James' bag and discover he has TWO Idols in there--but it's night, so they down't read the signs on the back, Jaime just realizes he has two of the stupid bat things. So she hangs onto the not-Idol, thinking it MIGHT be an Idol. When James scouts around and can't find the not-Idol, he chuckles with glee at the possibility of Jaime or womeone else playing it and finding out it's not an Idol. He really has no use for any of his new tribe. I also found it interesting that I wasn't all that concerned with Jaime seashing James' bag, even though when Alex and company did it to Yau-Man I was irate. Huh. Also, Jaime never considers stealing one of James's Idols, and I've never really unsderstood why people DON'T steal Idols--maybe for fear of an actual physical conflict? I mean, James could squish Jaime between his thumb and fore finger...

MERGE, BABY

Everyone gathers for the Reward, and it turns out it's time for new clean-smelling black buffs ("Ninja buffs!" Frosti yells) and a feast and "cultural performance." Jeff warns them ominously, "The game never stops!" Everyone thinks about this for a millisecond and then gets totally absorbed by the feast and the booze and the dancing and the amazing acrobats. As Courtney puts it, "Boo, challenges! Yay, feast!" Afterwards, the "Unnamed Merged Tribe" brainstorms a name. Everyone wants something with "black" in it because of their kick-ass buffs, and Jena Robert makes a joke that they'd have to remname it once James, the only black player left in the game, was voted out. Courtney rolls her eyes, but James thinks it's funny and then the half-Japanese Frosti points out that he AND Peih Gee were on the "yellow" Tiger team. THe new tribe is named Hae Da Fung, which means "Fighting Black Wind." THen Jeff arrives with the Immunity neckalace and a surprise IMMUNITY CHALLENGE! He circles everyone up, and quizzes them on the Merge party. Jaime comes oh so close to winning the Immunity she desperately needed, but instead it goes to Frosti.

WHY IS JAMES LYING?

He's not even lying with words, but he keeps grunting these "mmm-hmm's" to Peih Gee, and I don't really get what he gains by making her think he's on her side for a few more hours. Peih Gee is trying to stay afloat, and she and Jaime decide to target Jean Robert, since they know that Courtney voted for him last time (they also know Frosti voted for Sherea, which dampens their hopes that he'll flip back to their side now. When Jaime shows Frosti the blank placard, he realizes it's NOT the Immunity Idol, but he doesn't tell Jaime this :( That made me sad. Amanda and Todd are seriously worried about Courtney's loyalties, and they want Jaime, the Toger's "silent leader" gone. Then Jean Robert corners Todd and makes him swear that the Final Three will be Todd, Amanda and Jean Robert. JR threatens Tood, saying that if Todd screws him over, he will hold him responsible and lobby the jury against Todd. Todd shines him on and then tells us he couldn't give a rat's ass about JR's warnings. Jean Robert woud rather see Peih Gee gone, because he thinks she's more likable than Jaime, and will be more able to ingratiate herself with them. Then Jaime seeks out Todd and tells him she'll tell him who has the Immunity Idol if she survives Tribal Council tonight. Todd laughs at her behind her back and mocks the very IDEA of anyone besides him having a legitamate strategy to win this game. Todd can be very insufferable at times. THEN, Jean Robert makes things even MORE interesting when he insists he's voting for Peih Gee no matter what the others say, hoping to force his alliance into doing the same. James can't believe that JR would be so stupid as to play into a scenario that could see HIM going home! Jean Robert may get the most votes tonight if the Dragons don't all vote the same way!

TRIBAL COUNCIL

There aren't a lot of secrets at Tribal Council: The Dragons are enjoying the Merge a lot more than Peih Gee, Jaime and Eric, even though there isn't the kind of open hostility we was in the previous two seasons. Jean Robert continues to get under Courtney's skin when he tells Jeff that now that it's an individual game, he thinks Courtney will last all the way to the end because no one is in the least bit threatened by her. Courtney tells jeff that this is JR's way of saying she IS a threat, and that she should be voted out. James tells Jeff that Jean Robert is his own worst enemy, and that he should talking once in a while. Word. Peih Gee then make sFrosti squirm when she insists that she has "spies" who've told them of the fractures in the Dragon alliance. Everyone votes, and then Jaime asks Jeff about the Immunity Idol procedure, and he tells her it has to be played before the votes are read, so she gives him the blank placard, says she doesn't know if it's an Idol or not, but what the hell. Jeff tells her it ISN'T an Idol, and James, Todd and Jean Robert are especially obnxious about pointing and laughing. In her exit, Jaime shrugs and says playing the not_Idol was her only play and she doesn't regret it. And really, it woould have been stupider to have that thing and NOT play it and have it turn out to be an Idol. SHe blames James for her ouster, but I'd be more mad at Frosti--he could've at least told her about the Idol!

Jaime is ousted in 10th place, but winds up on the jury. 9 used to be the first jury slot, then it expanded to 12, now it's shrunk to 10. I hope we've seen the last of the Final Three, and go back to the traditional Final Two. Anyway, Jaime joins good Gretchen the Air Force survival guide and Mean Jeffy Jeff of the Outback. In Africa, Clarence Black finally paid the price for eating those stolen beans and in the Marquesas, Boston Rob left the game, but never really went away. In Thailand, Shii Ann was tricked by the fake Merge, and wound up losing out for turning on her creepy tribe too soon (really, she was the only non-creepy person in that whole season). In the Amazon, cranky Roger found out the hard way the reason why there's never been an all guy's final ANYTHING: guys like hanging out with pretty chicks.In the Pearl Islands, whiny Osten and jerky Shawn were voted out, but then Burton and Lil were let back in, and then we lost Andrew the good leader n the next vote. So for our puroposes, Osten, Shawn and Andrew all finished in 10th place. In Vanuatu, crazy Rory left without burning down the women's camp, much to our disappointment, and in Palau, sweet Bobby Jon lost a fire-making contest to Steph. In Guatemala we bid adieu to another nice country boy, Brandon, and on Exile Island, we lost cute Nick. In the Cook Islands, Jenny was cut loose by Nathan, who'd quickly regret that when Jonathan flipped on him, and last season we had to say goodbye to plucky, smart Michelle.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Jaime is on the Dean's List at THe University of South Carolina, and though she's spend her whole life in the South, she's somehow wound up a Buffalo Bills fan. She's also a fellow fan of the Harry Potter books--yay.

Next up: I'm hoping for some major drama--like Todd trying to oust James and James plays the Idol! That'd be sweet. But, realistically, it'll probably be Peih Gee.

Peace Out! :D
Christine

Survivor 15.6 "It's those stupid bats above the freakin' thing!"

2007-10-31T19:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it's Halloween as I write this, and I gotta say, I'm kinda ticked because no one has shown up, and we have all this candy, and I carved a kick-ass jack-o-lantern, and...what, everyone's waiting for the Great Pumpkin?! Sigh. If I had skills, I'd totally post a picture of my pumpkin, it rocks. It kinda looks like Voldemort, if you wanna know the truth...

So, as we begin, James feels doomed at Tiger Town, while at Dragon Land, Jean-Robert's horrific snoring (I think he has health problem!) has him on his tribemates' Imaginary Chopping Blocks. A desperate Todd breaks down and tells bff Amanda about the existence of the Immunity Idol, because he just can't find it himself...

REWARD CHALLENGE

The Challenge involves racing into these shacks, and untying these planks that are, of course, puzzle pieces. First tribe to use the planks to reveal a Confucius quote wins Reward, a stay at a Chinese Tea House, snacks, tea, a shower/bath and use of Charmin Toilet Paper while they use a "western toilet." Everyone oohs and aahs. Peih Gee and Jamie try to make eye contact with Sherea and Frosti, but they're, well, frosty. Rather than being thrilled at Aaron's ouster (Todd's jaw dropped), Sherea and Frosti seem to be trying to pretend they don't even KNOW the Tigers anymore! Amanda and Courtney sit out, which is utterly confusing because they absolutely sat out the last challenge. Does it mean "back to back Rewards and back to back Immunity"? I don't get it folks. Anyway, it's a close race. At one point, Peih Gee and Sherea are undoing their planks together in the same room and Peih Gee tells her that they got rid of Aaron as a show of allegiance to her and Frosti, and Sherea doesn't even respond. Yikes! Jean-Robert keeps yelling, 'Western toilet, baby!" It's very creepy, and then the Dragons win by decoding the classic 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." TO make matters worse for Jame and Peih Gee, Jeff taunts them as they struggle on the puzzle, because he's still determined to be a biased ass about the whole "Let's lose on purpose thing." James is happily taken hostage, meaning he gets to partake of the reward, and Todd is determined to be the one to get the secret clue, which Jeff insists must be opened in private, as if there'd be any consequence if he didn't...

The Reward is at this gorgeous location, and we're treated to the usual nonsense: food rules! Being clean is amazing! Crest toothpaste is like a gift from God!! Then everyone gathers on the patio for baths. There aren't enough tubs for everyone, so Courtney and Amanda share one, which of course gets Jean-Robert to be more creepy, as he leers and makes suggestive commentary. Of course, one way to avoid that is not sharing a bathtub (bathing suits or no) in front of a weirdo. Then James let's it all hang out by showering naked, his backside for all the tribe (and world) to see. Neither the gals nor Todd complain. Later, Todd tells us he feels like he's the only person who's REALLY playing the game, and then he corners James. He insists that he has a plan that can save James' life in the game, and that James MUST give HIM what's in the tube Jeff gave him. When James says he doesn't know what it is, Todd assures him that HE does, and to leave it all to him. James is no fool, but he's desperate. He knows Todd is a player, but he also knows he's playing with people who lost on purpose last time and, as far as he knows, will do it again to get rid of him, so he agrees to Todd's deal. When Todd gets the new clue, he knows immediately where the Idol is, "It's those stupid bats above the freakin' thing!" I didn't realize those were bats on the plaques, huh. Anyway, Todd and Amanda struggle to get the thing down in front of almost the whole tribe, which they realize is stupid, but they do it anyway. Why they couldn't get James to lure people down to the swimming hole or whatever the hell, I don't know. Frosti sees them and tries to help, even as Todd and Amanda try to shoo him away, so they get the Idol down and wind up cluing him into the whole thing because "they have no choice." Frosti is thrilled. Then Todd goes to James and gives him the Idol. He tells him that the Dragons will win Immunity, forcing the Tigers to go to Tribal Council where they'll vote out James, but he'll have the Idol, meaning whoever James votes for goes home. Todd wants it to be their toughest player, Jamie. James is impressed and thrilled with this elaborate plan, and gives Todd a good-natured punch on the shoulder, which almost knocks Todd off his log. "You almost killed me right there," he mutters. James tells him it's all in love, and it will make him strong. Cute! Then Todd goes to Denise and Courtney and tells THEM about the plan, because, I think, he's a little too in love with his plan, and wants everyone to know how clever he is. Which he IS, and I really like Todd, but...seriously. I mean, they're all gonna try to win Immunity anyway, right? And, as James tells him, the Tigers will probably lose on purpose like before. But not so fast...

Back at loservile, Jamie, Erik and Peih Gee wallow in depression, and question whether losing last week was the right thing, now that Frosti and Sherea seem uninterested in their alliance/friendship. They vow to fight like hell for the next immunity! And to make matters MORE interesting...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

It's the Gross Food Eating Contest! No challenge is easier to throw, or harder to predict. Because even the strongest may not be able to get enough spit going or control their gag-reflex or what have you, and it's pretty easy to pretend you can't eat something. First, things go Todd's way when Frosti beats Peih Gee in eating several chicken hearts (apologies to Bill Cosby). But then Jamie bests Courtney (who was never gonna win an eating contest ANYWAY, right?), downing her eel like it was cotton candy. Then Erik beats Amanda at eating little baby turtles. James has a showdown with his pal Denise, and he pretends he can't eat the (gah!) feathered chicken fetuses. Peih Gee and Jamie cheer him on, the irony of them trying to win now that JAMES is secretly tanking the contest is off course, lost of them, but it's very entertaining for us. But, Denise REALLY can't eat the things, and when she eventually refuses to, she apologizes to James and he says it's okay and finishes off his meal. He seems bummed, but as he's not going home no matter what happens, he really shouldn't be. Finally, Erik beats Frosti at eating "1000 year old egg," giving the Tigers Immunity and leaving Todd in shock that he can't, in fact, control everything.

DAMAGE CONTROL

Denise blames herself for the loss, and even loathsome Jean-Robert won't hear of it, because she had to eat a chicken fetus with feathers on it. Todd, Amanda and Denise strategize at the well and decide they want to keep Frosti over Sherea. They've really taken to the likable Frosti and want to keep him around, which is interesting--I think they may be mistaking his genial disposition with loyalty, but okay. Courtney is told of the decision to oust Sherea, and balks--she likes Sherea, and she's reached a breaking point with Jean-Robert. The idea of voting for anyone but her nemesis is beyond her tolerance. And she makes the valid point that JR hates HER, so why should she help keep someone in the game that hates her and oust someone who likes her and WOULDN'T get rid of her? Courtney and Sherea sit together and watch Jean Robert struggle with the cooking pot. When Sherea suggest they point out what he's doing wrong, Courtney again gives the line delivery of the episode when she mutters, 'That would require TALKING to him." Then Courtney does something that made me gain new respect for her--she actually goes to her alliance and lobbies HARD to keep Sherea and get rid of Jean-Robert. Amanda won't hear of it, saying IN FRONT OF FROSTI that it has to be Sherea or Frosti that goes home tonight and then "Eventually it'll be down to us," and I hope Frosti's asking himself if he REALLY believes he's part of that "us." But Todd finds himself somewhat swayed, and privately tells Amanda that maybe they SHOULD dump Jean Robert. Amanda is upset because she thinks getting rid of Sherea here (probably right before she can re-Merge with her old tribe) is pivotal. But Todd (who's still reeling over the fact that he GAVE James an Immunity Idol and the means to find a second one) is worried that they've gone too far, and that by telling Courtney she can't get her way, they're telling her that they, Todd and Amanda are in charge! "We're setting ourselves up as power players," he frets, "We will get voted out if we don't start doing what people want!" I gotta say, Todd is as smart as he thinks he is, cuz that's some good insight right there. Jean-Robert is unconcerned that everyone is off talking behind his back, 'I like to trust my gut and my vibe," he blathers. Ugh...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff asks Sherea about the mood around camp today and she tells him, "I sensed a lot of shadiness." Jean-Robert answers the same question by talking about how hard he's been working around camp, which gets Sherea riled up, "Did you ASK about that," she asks Jeff. Then she tells JR to wise up, "They don't LIKE you," she says of his tribemates. He isn't the least bit concerned because that's what happens when you're a "Bad Boy." This gets Courtney tied up in knots, and once she starts snickering, she tells Jean Robert how pathetic he sounds boasting about himself when he's really just a "crappy person." Then she hurts Todd's feelings by describing the tribe as a clique that she doesn't feel a part of. In the end, Courtney and Shera vote for Jean Robert, but it's Sherea who goes home. I still give Courtney major props for standing up for herself and her friend.

Sherea is booted in 11th place, where Joel got ousted in Borneo, for laughing at at a rude comment Gervase made. This was key because Joel was urging the group to target a member of the other tribe at the Merge, but most of his tribe thought that was unsportsmanlike (yes, they were that naive) so they got picked off, one by one. In the Outback, Nugentesque Michael severely burned his hands and had to be medivac'd out while in Africa, foul-mouthed and whiny Lindsay was undone, thanks to some of her old tribemates funneling info thru Kelly that she had votes against her and was thus vulnerable in a tie-break (back when previous votes mattered). In the Marquesas, Gina was well-liked by her new tribemates, but not enough to make inroads and in Thailand, Dumbb Robb skated off into the sunset. In the Amazon, Shawna had asked to be kicked out but held prisoner by her own tribe, than cut loose when she she showed renewed interest in the game (in other words, boys). John K. was one of the young Vanuatu boys that didn't stand a chance against the older, fatter dudes OR the ladies and devout and muscle-bound Ibrehem was yet another casualty on "The Tribe That Could Never Win." In Guatemala, Amy the cop went as far as she could go on a busted ankle and Dan the Astronaut Man was jettisoned after he failed at one measly challenge (cuz of the man code) on Exile Island. In the Cook Islands, loyal Rebecca was foolishly cut in favor of shady Jonathan, and last season we were pleased to be rid of mean, dumb Lisi, who couldn't hack it anyway.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Well, first of all, Sherea is one tough grade-school teacher--I can't imagine she gets a lot of back-talk. She is also a twin, a fan "Big Brother" and Real World/ Road Rules Challenge and her two favorite movies are "Set it Off" and "The Sound of Music," which makes for an interesting movie night...

Next Up: Drop you buffs, it's time for the Merge, baby! :D

Peace Out! Christine

Survivor 15.5 "We're all the brains."

2007-10-21T16:19:00.000-07:00

Thoughts and prayers out to all of you trying to survive down in SoCal. Even if you're not in the path of destruction, I understand the air quality is dreadful--Hang in there!

SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE (SHAKE YOUR TRIBES UP)

Sleeping pandas are shown to illustrate how everyone's going to be caught off guard by the tribe shake-up that awaits our Survivors. At Crouching Tiger, Frosti is shown lamenting the fact that the other tribe has James, the strongest player, and Aaron the "great leader." Then Sherea is shown talking about how she's kinda on the outs with the others, and that she's, ahem, looking forward to some "drama" and "change." Now, I try to ignore the elements of reality shows that are staged, but there is just no way in hell I believe that Sherea just said that out of the blue, without say, a producer asking her, "What would you think about a big change around here?" or whatever. I really don't appreciate it. Elsewhere, Jamie and Erik bond and flirt as they swim in the lake. Erik babbles that the setting is "...Biblical, in that there is a man and a woman and we like hanging out." Wow...uh, okay. Anyway, they tell each other they think the other is peachy, and then Erik tells Jamie that he's a virgin, because he wants to wait for the "right person" hint hint, wink wink. Well, not so much wink wink, but Erik's revelation of purity did seem to be his odd way of hitting on her, and oddly enough, it seemed to work because Jamie reveals to him the 411 on the Immunity Idol and tells us that Erik is someone she'd like to "make it with"...er, to the end of the game, that is. Ah, well. Keep hope alive, Erik.

At Hidden Dragon, a close bond has developed between the hardworking duo of James and Denise. James raves that Denise "...is there to complement you and work with you. That’s attractive." He goes on to say that if he was a little older, or if Denise was a little younger, "She'd be in trouble," which is so sweet that I just have to believe that Todd was mistaken to think that James was joining in when Jean-Robert was being all skeevy. I think James is adorable, and I think he's a good guy. And the fact that he has the kind of physique you usually only see in Superman comics? Bonus. Denise and James return to camp from the fish trap when a local messenger arrives. He doesn't speak English, so everyone says "hello" with an accent, so he can understand. He gives them a parchment that says they have to choose two players from the other team to bring to theirs, which sucks for them because they know the Tigers are gonna take James and Aaron. They decide to take Frosti and Sherea (her value has not gone unnoticed by the competition, at any rate). The Tigers don't think for a second that The Dragons are gonna take Sherea...because they don't think for a minute that the Dragons are gonna get to take ANYBODY. Instead they go on and on about how it's gonna be soooo cool to get James and Aaron and now b the tribe with seven people, and the OTHER tribe only have five! They seriously don't "get" it until the boat comes to fetch Frosti and Sherea and then they're like, "Ohhhhh, we're trading two people for the two people we're gonna get." At least Sherea can admit, "That was REAL dumb." No one is happy to lose Frosti or Sherea, and despite the fact that they're getting the Dragons' two strongest players, it's the Tigers who're shedding all the tears. The Dragons are just whining about how they don't like change. Aaron complains that "everything is messed up," and if he knew how uninterested James was in Aaron's continued survival in the game, he'd be even more freaked out. Once the two men leave, Jean-Robert starts moaning about how they've lost their two strongest players--gee, doesn't being a professional poker player mean you have to deal with being dealt a new hand of cards every once in awhile? Denise, the only person who seems to have built an actual RELATIONSHIP with either of the guys is bummed, but shrugs and realizes she has to just shut up and deal. Jean-Robert reckons that James is his greatest ally in the game, but we know from last week that James finds JR to be arrogant. I think that James is just a lot quieter about his distaste for him. Jean Robert DOES make a good move when he suggests that they all agree to oust Sherea and then Frosti, should they lose the next two Immunities and everyone agrees (eventually), but then he undercuts himself by exposing his own massive insecurity by adding, "I know the popular thing is 'get rid of Jean-Robert'..." in a tone that also telegraphs how stupid he thinks they all are. I guess playing it cool was a less attractive option than letting everyone know that he was "on to them," but really, I think he is fairly safe because he IS their biggest guy--by like 100 pounds, and they may not like him, but they certainly NEED him unless the Tiger's oust James. You got to know when to hold 'em, JR. Oh and then Jean-Robert refers to himself in the third person by telling us, "It's been a bad day for Jean-Robert." And grammar.

BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE

The ships transporting the kidnapees pass on the river, and they wave to one another. The tribes are provided with fruit, nuts and booze to loosen everyone up, but unfortunately,no one gets all crazy-drunk and interesting. James and Aaron are struck by how laid-back things are at Crouching Tiger, and when Aaron asks who's the "brains" behind the tribe, he's told, 'We're all the brains." They're all so friendly and diplomatic I can't even remember who said it! :D When James starts hustling to prove his worth around camp, Peih Gee takes a moment to revel in the power she, Jamie and Erik have over the fates of two physically stronger men. Later, Aaron tries to bond with the girls over a swim, and plants a seed against his comrade when he wonders aloud whether anyone will be able to beat James in Individual Immunity once they Merge. He balks when Jamie tries to pry some information about the Dragons out of him though. Peih Gee recognizes that Aaron is the type of guy who people are drawn to because he's good-looking, and fears his craftiness as well. She and Jamie hatch a plan to throw the next Immunity Challenge in order to protect their "real" tribe, and try to get to the Merge with a numbers advantage when they're hopefully reuited with Sherea and Frosti...

THings are less interesting at Hidden Dragon. Todd is very eager to network and make as many alliances as possible, and Sherea is eager to turn over a new leaf of sorts--she goes so far as claiming to be able to "cook a little", which is surely a surprise to Frosti. It occurred to me how weird it feels when Jeff isn't involved in tribe shake-up or Merge. It just feels...slightly less official, some how. Anyway, things go smoothly for everyone until the next morning, when Jean-Robert wakes up early to get the fire started and breakfast ready. As he's working, the rest of the Dragons start making fun of him and ragging on him behind his back, which Frosti tells us was better than breakfast. He and Sherea quickly realize that they have a pretty good shot at endearing themselves to their new tribe. Things look even better when JR starts making orders. Now, he tries to be subtle about it by using this really ingratiating tone, but he's soooo specific about what he wants done, "Denise, if you could come with me and check the traps, and Sherea, you can cook breakfast..." Denise jumps all over him, then the not-to-be-trifled with Sherea joins in. Instead of it being seen as "the new kid overstepping her bounds", Sherea is quickly embraced by Todd and the Dragon girls, as Jean Robert scuttles away.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

The re-configured tribes gather for the Immunity Challenge. James and Aaron seem unthrilled by Todd's chipper acceptance of Sherea and Frosti. Aaron tells Jeff point-blank, "We're on the chopping block, thanks to your frickin' plot twist." Jamie and Peih Gee exchange knowing smiles. The challenge has two players for each team swimming out to a dock and then taking turns diving in order to release these hexagons shaped discs. The discs each have a sign of the Chinese Zodiac on them and really--and I do mean really--resemble the Dharma Initiative signs on "Lost." Then they're supposed to bring them back to shore and three others actually do the puzzle. The Dragons sit out Amanda and *sigh* Courtney. Like, really? I would have thought a non-physical puzzle would be the IDEAL time to play her, but, whatever. maybe she can't pick up the discs they probably weigh, what five pounds? Erik and Aaron swim out for the Tigers, while Jean-Robert and Frosti do the same for the Dragons. Courtney yells, "Go Jean-Robert!" and then quips to Amanda, "It broke a little bit of my heart to say that." Man, I hate to say it because she's so worthless, but Courtney really does amuse me. Meanwhile, James is put-out when he sees how calm Jamie and Peih-Gee are--almost like they don't care who wins...hmmm. The task is very demanding and the four exhausted men struggle back to the beach--Jean Robert comes very close to dumping all the discs in the water but he recovers. When Erik and Aaron drop off THEIR discs, Jamie casually tosses one a few feet way, making it clear to the viewing audience that the fix is in! :D Jamie and Peih-Gee half-ass it, and Todd, Denise and Sherea easily win. Jeff makes a point of returning the "missing" piece to Jamie, clearly irritated, which irritates ME. Throwing a challenge to oust one of your own tribe members makes PERFECT sense when your REAL tribe, your REAL alliance has been split up! Ethan, one of the bestest most moral players in Survivor History did it in order to rid his new tribe of Silas and to protect Lex, Big Tom and Kelly when they were separated in the game's First ever shake-up. I think it's a good play, myself. You know, not everyone can win with their muscles, Jeff.

NOW WHAT?

Aaron and James are furious--and oblivious--about Jamie and Peih Gee's casual reaction to their latest loss. When James insist the girls can't handle pressure, they can barely stop from giggling, so they go off to laugh about how successful their plan was and how the new boys have NO idea what they're up to. Also in the dark is old boy Erik, who is unthrilled when he finds out 1) the girls threw the challenge to try and save Frosti and Sherea and 2) they didn't see fit to clue him in before he busted his butt in said challenge. Or, at least that's what I'm guessing he's feeling. I gotta say--and this has nothing to do with the virgin thing, by the way--but Erik is kinda whipped. He really DOES let the girls dictate what he's gonna do and if he HAS a strong opinion about it, he should voice it, but instead he just comes off mildly disappointed in them. I guess I'd like to see Erik show me he's actually interested in winning Survivor before I invest any interest in him. The gang feels that Aaron is the bigger threat because they believe he has stronger alliance back at his old tribe, but James doesn't want to work hard to support a bunch of losers, so he asks to be sent home. He tells the girls that Aaron deserves to stay, and Aaron agrees because he decides to vote against the presumably doomed James, so's not to cast a vote against one of his new tribemates.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Once James and Aaron have voiced their displeasure in being traded from a contender to Kansas City Royals, it doesn't take long for a still hacked off Jeff to call Jamie and Peih Gee on their being "happy" to be at Tribal Council. Jamie explains to Jeff what SHOULD be obvious to Jeff, which is they'd be doomed at Merge because they lack numbers, so 'Yes, sir," they did throw the challenge. James and Aaron's jaws drop at this, and when Jeff implies it was a stupid move, Peih Gee shoots back, "It's about winning the war, not the battle." Jeff (showing more favoritism than I've seen him show) angrily insists that Survivor is a game about WINNING, but as I said before, Ethan helped throw a challenge to protect HIS alliance back in Africa, which certainly helped him win. What does it gain Peih Gee, Jamie or Erik to turn against their alliance in order to save Aaron and James, knowing they'll vote against them at the Merge? Personally, I think this was the bet play the girls had. I also think that Jeff is thinking that James is gonna go home and that's why he's so ticked, but plot twist happen to good people sometimes, Jeff. Seriously, I thought he was unprofessional and kinda a big baby about the whole thing. Anyway, it is indeed pretty-boy Aaron who's sent packing, leaving James to fight another day--if he wants to. Jeff THEN is able to admit they MAY have made a smart move, assuming there's a Merge. And may I say, it's refreshing that we're shown people LIKE Peih Gee and Jame talking about a Merge at 10 people, instead of the "Has anyone watched this show" people who never seem to see it coming. The only time we HAVEN'T had a Merge was in Palau.

Aaron is evicted in 12th place, where Bible-toting Dirk was banished in Season One. In the Outback, Kimmi the Vegetarian who stopped bathing wore out her welcome with her tribe, while in Africa, the vainglorious Silas was evicted due to Survivor's first ever tribe shake-up. It was beautiful:) In the Marquesas, tree-huggin' Gabe lost the confidence of his alliance when he started moaning about how he didn't want Survivor to be competitive and in Thailand, Stepahnie the really boring firefighter left us. In the Amazon, tough-tawkin' Jeanne was ousted after a shake-up and the Pearl Island's Michelle was cut-loose once she no-longer had the protection of Burton. In Vanuatu, Lisa was cut-down by Ami the power-mad lesbian, who arbitrarily decided that Lisa was out to get her because of something Lisa DIDN'T say. Man I hated Ami. Anyway, in Palau, the tribe that never won continued to lose, meaning the end of the road for James-who-should've-been-Jim Bob and in Guatemala, we said a sad farewell to Smart Brian. On Exile Island, crude Bobby was dumped and in the Cook Islands, dapper Brad was sent packing. Last Season, we were spared anymore of Boston James' "charming" personality when he went out at 12.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Besides being a surfing instructor, Aaron is also one of Survivor's many, many bartenders. He is a cooking nut, and he once appeared on "The Price is Right."

Peace Out! And I will catch up this week, REALLY! :D

Christine

Survivor 15.4 "Flavor has never tasted so good!"

2007-10-21T16:10:00.000-07:00

Okay, I know I'm behind but I was pretty sick this last week--I went to the doctor and everything, so don't be mad ;)

TENSION HEADACHES

Man, is China gorgeous or what? But even the adorable panda's are fighting, to symbolize how each of our tribe's is riddled with tension and conflict. Ad Hidden Dragon, we have to listen to Jean-Robert tells us yet again how he's a pro poker player, which OBVIOUSLY means he's like, the best possible judge of character and super observant and hella crafty, and so on and so on. I said it before and I'll Say it again: Poker is luck and math and weirdo's sitting around in sunglasses and weird hats. JR's plan to suck big time and then slowly improve his work-habits is working, he claims, and then he starts to ramble on about how that's what he's like in all situations: the guy that starts off slow and then gains on the pack to take them by surprise: Jean Robert is one of those people who talks about himself A LOT. He gives himself a lot of thought and he's probably had to explain and defend himself a lot, because he's such an ass. He's not worried about being disliked in the tribe though, because the Courtney the Skeleton is still around, "If she survives the next Tribal Council, she's the luckiest girl in Survivor history," he declares. No, Jean Robert, that would be Amber. Courtney finds Jean-Robert's general odiousness equally comforting, "He sucks so bad, there's no getting out of that." Cue opening credits, with the awesome cobra.

At Crouching Tiger, things are even more tense, because Dave is still...Dave. When the tribe has to deal with separating good rice from moldy rice (because they failed to keep it dry), Dave starts ordering people about and Sherea gets into it with him. When he shoots her a sarcastic and put-upon 'Thanks for listening," she calls him on it, "Yeah, 'cause you just listen: listen listen listen! So shut the *bleep* up!" And yes, she actually said *bleep*. Dave goes talk to his only friend in camp, the camera, and says very seriously, "I am a good leader, it's not MY fault that no one wants to follow me, they're just STUPID. And Sherea just likes to hold on to stuff, like things I did or said last week or yesterday, or a few minutes ago." Then he and Sherea get into a bizarre fight over shells that Sherea wants to throw away and Dave wants to bring home to his mother. Frosti tries to intervene, telling Dave privately, "You're doing some good things around camp, but you need to stop being such an a-hole." Dave pouts, and Frosti tells us that "Crazy Dave" may have worn out his welcome.

REWARD CHALLENGE

Both tribes are summoned to Tribal Council at night, to compete in a reward challenge which requires them to work in teams of two and use giant chopsticks to transport balls of fire into this chute and set off some fireworks--it's pretty cool. The prize involves food and Jean-Robert is quick to inform us that he's kinda fat, so he needs and misses food more than the rest of the tribe *roll eyes*. Amanda seems to gloat a bit when the Tigers are bummed to see Leslie gone. The reward turns out to be veggies and spices and a visit from a fisherman and his family who will teach them how to fish. You will be shocked to learn that the Dragon's sit out the worthless Courtney. The Dragon's win and wind up kidnapping Dave, I guess because he's their leader? Or maybe because Leslie told them that he was kinda on the outs? Maybe? We never do find out for sure, and personally, I thought it was a weird choice.

CRAZY DAVE'S VACATION

Dave gathers wood in an attempt to suck up, I guess (if I were kidnapped, I sure as heck wouldn't do chores). He feels he's on a vacation from all the drama he's usually at the center of--because of other people, of course. Dave's behavior at Hidden Dragon can best be described as "high on coke," as he bounces from person to person, being inappropriate and weird. When he tries to embrace the taciturn James, James recoils and barks, "What did I tell yo about the hugging?" Then he scares Courtney when she tells him she's from NYC, "I miss New York SOOOO MUCH!" he shrieks, prompting Todd to whisper to us, "Dave is a nutcase." Wayyy ahead of you there, Todd. Todd, though, knows Dave has a clue, so he takes him under his wing and shows him around camp, and sure enough, works his magic on Dave who tells us, "I believe I can trust Todd!" So does everybody, which bodes well for Todd, at least until he has to start betraying people. I can't help but like him too, though, maybe because he's a self-professed Survivor Nerd who's loved the show since Day One:) Todd is thrilled to get another clue to the Idol--and maybe more importantly, to keep a lid on who KNOWS about the Idol's existence. He promises Dave he'll return the favor and give him a clue if Dave can get his tribe to kidnap Todd.

THE VACATION FROM CRAZY DAVE

Back at Crouching Tiger, Sherea seems to be the only one basking in the glow of a Dave-free camp. Perhaps it's because without Dave around to do all the work, THEY have to do all the work, and it turns out, it's pretty hard. this doesn't affect Sherea though, who's content to lounge around in the tent. "Why should I waste MY valuable energy doing chores when the tribe needs my strength at challenges? I'm gonna ride the work horse 'til the tail falls off!" Hokay, selfish. The thing that gets me about that though is, there's so many ways you could do nothing around camp and LOOK like you're working, like gathering wood, or "trying" to use the flint until someone comes along to help you--and considering it's a Tribal Council tie-breaker, it seems it would behoove EVERYONE to try and learn to make fire, but Sherea would rather take a nap and incur the ire of her tired friends...

JEAN ROBERT'S NOT TOTALLY WORTHLESS

The Chinese Fisherman and his family arrive, and everyone's happy to see the little kids. Tough Lunchlady Denise says her first words on camera since the premiere. And then Jean Robert blows everyone away by busting out some Mandarin and being able to talk to the locals, which impresses everyone, including Todd, who loathes JR. The fisherman takes Aaron and Denise out to "learn" to fish, but the dude uses trained birds to catch the fish which they can't swallow because of a noosey thing around their necks--something there's no way our Survivor's could ever hope to learn to do. When they get back to camp, James chafes at Jean Robert for bossing him around and getting up "...on his high horse, as usual," but he calms down quickly and admits that Jean Robert's ability to converse with their visitors was invaluable and he really shouldn't get down on him. Still, it's interesting because JR seems to think of James as his closest ally, and James doesn't seem to have much use for him. Then everyone eats and raves about food and how awesome it is. Denise thinks their fish dish is the "delicatist thing evuh," and then raves, "Flavuh has nevuh tasted so good!" I like Denise, but it's still looking like Survivor is never gonna give us a season without someone braying in that obnoxious Boston accent, ugh. Then generic Amanda gives a generic quote about how great it is to learn about other cultures.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Dave is reunited with his old tribe and gets all huggy and intense with them as well, because he's a weirdo. Then Jeff explains that they're gonna dress up in Chinese warrior garb and hurl these bandoleer things to break plates or something while the other team does the same AND try to block the other team's shots. The costumes are easily the coolest things anyone's had to wear on Survivor. If I ever had to go to a Renaissance Fair, I'd hella wear the Chinese Warrior garb and if someone tried to give me crap about it, I'd be like, "This is what Chinese Warriors wore during Ye Renaissance, peasant!" The Dragons win, but it's close, 4-3. James scores two points for the dragons, Tod scores one and Amanda scores one. For the Tigers, as usual lately, it's the women who carry the load, with Sherea scoring a point and Jamie scoring two points with one throw. It's not enough though, and the Tigers face Tribal Council again--someone going home.

WEIGHING THE OPTIONS

Back at camp, everyone commiserates about the loss. Dave wastes no time in antagonizing everyone, hissing, "Let's try to use less well water, IDIOTS," and then wondering cluelessly to us about the "strange vibes" around camp. That's everyone sick of you patronizing them and there's nothing new or strange about it, dipstick. He laughs, "They're back to calling me a 'slave driver' if you can---hold on, they're trying to do a simple task without my input, I'll be right back!" When Dave asks Peih Gee and Erik who they're voting for, they give him the kiss-of-death "Uh, we don't know yet." Which always means, "Probably you, dumbass." He pleads his case, claiming for the umpteeth time that he can change and adjust and that he pulls his weight around camp. "We know, but you're also a massive tool," sighs Erik. Still, Dave does have a glimmer of hope because Sherea's laziness has not endeared her to her pals, who seem torn. When Sherea sees the others talking about her, she contemplates going to them and saying she'll work harder, but opts to take a nap instead. Later, she tells Frosti that her "body comes first," as if she's the only one who feels like crap. Erik wishes he could get rid of both of them...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff asks Sherea about life without Dave and she gushes, "It was great, he wasn't in my face all the time, and everyone else but me managed to pick up his slack so I was able to get in some quality sleep time!" Frosti and Erik both praise Dave's leadership, prompting Dave to get up on his cross and talk about what a burden it's been to be him. Sherea is all excuses, claiming to be too fatigued to work hard at camp, and not a natural camper, like Peih Gee, who likes outdoorsy stuff. Has Sherea ever watched this show? Because it's a 40 day camping trip, okay? Honestly, I thought Sherea's defensiveness and woe-is-me attitude were gonna be her ticket home, but the Tigers surprised me by booting the workhorse Dave, who puts the "ass" in "asset," and proves once again that it's the social game that's most important in Survivor: don't be too weird, don't be too bossy. In his exit, Dave is, well, Dave, "I gave it my all, and I thought I was humble and awesome. Really, everything would have been just fine if they'd all just listened more and done everything my way." Bye Dave! :D

Dave is evicted in 13th place, and he's in memorable company. In season one, America cringed as Ramona gushed about Poor Jenna being her first-ever white friend right before Jenna stabbed her in the back. In Australia, Colby and Tina turned against Jerri and opted to oust her pal Mitch instead of Keith--one of the most pivotal Tribal Council's in Survivor's storied history! In Africa, the slackers got rid of yet another grown-up, but not before Linda uttered one of my favorite Survivor quotes EVAH (to Lindsay the foul-mouthed cry-baby) "Did your mama never hug ya?" In the Marquesas, Chachi's plans for tribal domination were dashed when a tribe shake-up caused him to be separated from his busty pahtnuh Sarah, whom her new tribemates accurately evaluated as "worthless." In Thailand, the dramatic Ghandia was booted (as discussed last week). In another classic Tribal moment, Jeff didn't know who was being referred to on one vote as "The Denver Diva," so Clay had to publicly reveal that his vote was for Ghandia. In the Amazon, Joanna was probably glad to be out of the game, since she believed her tribe was breaking the Second Commandment every time her tribe possessed the Immunity Idol and in the Pearl Islands, we thought we'd seen the last of Burton the bully, but Survivor, in it's worst twist EVER, would indeed let him back in the game. In Vanuatu, the all-girls club got rid of good ol' Bubba and in Palau, we bid adieu to Angie, the Illustrated Girl. In Guatemala, Nurse Margaret tangled with loutish Judd and lost and in Exile Island, the all-boy's club got rid of good ol' Ruth-Marie. In the Cook Islands, our eccentric friend Je-Flicka departed, and last season, it was time for Anthony the camp cookie to hit the trail--because like Dave, he had trouble with the social game.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

I'm sure it doesn't surprise anyone out there that Dave seems to be a compulsive dabbler--he's taken an engineering class here, business class there, subscribes to all sorts of technical mags but works at a bartender, no doubt antagonizing his co-workers ("Dude, I know how to make a frickin' martini, back off!") and dispensing too much advice to his customers ("If you would just LISTEN to what I have to say, maybe you'd stop the next guy from dumping your ass, okay sweetheart?" Actually, my favorite thing about Dave's on-line bio is THIS response to the seemingly simple question: Favorite Color: "Deep hues of blue, green, brown and grey." Universal reaction to any question directed to Dave: "Sorry I asked."

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 15.3 "Four hours of Barnes and Noble, I feel like Crocodile Dundee out here!"

2007-10-08T18:22:00.000-07:00

MISCELLANEOUS

I'm curious to know if any of you have found new shows. I lost Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars, and Lost isn't coming back until what, February? So I thought I'd fill in the gaps, but eh, not so much. So far, I like the new sitcom "Aliens in America," about the uber-dweeb who winds up with a Pakistani exchange student who's only slightly less popular than he is at his high school. I also like "Reaper," about the guy who has to send escaped fugitives back to Hell because his parents sold his soul to the Devil before he was born. Both shows are witty and sweet, mostly at the right times. It does worry me that both shows are on the CW, the network that gave up on Veronica Mars, however. I tried "Pushing Daisies" and just couldn't handle it--the cloying narration alone was just to annoying to stand. Just too precious for me, I guess. I also gave up on "Chuck," which I think is actually probably a good show, I just *shrug* didn't care. Plus, I'm sorry, the lead guy, Zachary Levi is really hunky and totally charming, and all the nerdy dialogue and pocket protectors in the world can't hide that. It's like in the movies where no one notices the hot chick is hot because she's wearing glasses. I mean, really. The one I really hated was NBC's attempt to reboot "Bionic Woman." Man it was terrible. The thing is, even though the 70's version was campy, Lindsay Wagner was very likable and a very good actress (she actually won the Emmy for the role), while the girl they have doing this one is just very scowly and lightweight. Everyone kept saying it was "darker" than the original, I just thought it was way more pretentious, with everything all blue and rainy, and all those utterly unlikable supporting characters? My favorite part was, after Jamie is in the devastating accident that requires her to be made bionic, she's away from her bratty sister who she's allegedly RESPONSIBLE for, for like, weeks? Months? And the government gives the sister some story about her going off to ski with her mad-scientist boyfriend and than Jamie comes back and the sister is like, "You don't even SKI! You're a LIAR!" And I'm like, so this government agency has minds that can replace a person's body parts with super-superior body parts...but they can't think of a plausible alibi? No one bothered to find out if Jamie's ever been skiing? They couldn't just say she ran off to Paris with the mad-scientist boyfriend? Oy. The little things count. Alright, enough about that, onto the review...

CREEPS AND CRABS

We start off at Hidden Dragon, where Jean-Robert is snoring and cuddling up to a very unthrilled Leslie. Apparently, JR is always rubbing up on the ladies at night, and they don't like it one bit. James (I think it was James) bellows at James to stop hugging the girls because he's scaring them, but JR insists he doesn't care if it seems creepy, he needs to be snuggling the ladies to keep warm. Courtney points out that she's too skinny to keep herself warm, let alone anyone else, so what's he talking about? And notice, he ain't snuggling Denise the lunchlady with the mullet (who seems to have vanished into the tribe--what's she about? Who are her allies? We have no idea). In the real world, it would be sexual harassment, at the very least, but it's TV, so it's...not. I guess? It's interesting that this is just a footnote in this episode, when Thailand's Ted and Ghandia got into a monster blow-out over HIS nocturnal snuggling ("grinding" is the word you've tried all these years to forget), that led directly to HER ouster. Maybe that's why the women aren't raising too big of a fuss--they know how the world works?

The next day, James and Amanda find one measly crab in the trap they won, so they bring it back and James and the girls are all about turning the crab into a stock that they can put in to flavor their rice, and Aaron gets all whiny about how that's gonna be like, NO extra calories, and totally pointless, waaah. James gets his way and later laments his tribe's lameness, "I’m the only one that actually went and read a survival handbook...four hours of Barnes and Noble, I feel like Crocodile Dundee out here!"

ALL HAIL ZOOLANDER SCHRUTE!

Meanwhile, at Crouching Tiger, Dave has learned nothing from his previous massive bonk at the last challenge, due to his obsessive fire-pit masoning. Dave is like those old Army commercials--he does more before 6am than the rest of his tribe does all day. Which would be admirable, if he wasn't such an ass about it. When Peih Gee suggests he take it easy so he doesn't tire himself out, he yells back in his bitchy, grating "I-hate-you-with-a-smile" tone, "I've heard you and as usual I've chosen to dismiss you, sweetheart!" Then he tells us (and he's QUITE certain we're all on his side, and ever so impressed with how he's managed to deal with all these lesser beings) "It's a BALANCE!!!! The camp has to be BALANCED! It's not rocket science!!" Well, you're the dude that blew the last challenge, because you had no energy because you moved all those rocks and wouldn't let Jaime make the baby fire so you all could eat something, sweetheart. That ain't rocket science either. Then he "tries" to take a nap while the others try to come up with--I kid you not--a way to heat a pot on the stove, and the mere idea of this decision being made without him is simply TOO MUCH! He bolts out of bed, grabs a stick to balance the pot JUST SO over the fire and when the others are all, "Dude, we couldn've done that without you," He sneers, "I told you before, it's just a lot quicker if you let me do EVERY LITTLE THING around here in the only POSSIBLE way it could ever be done right, instead of wasting time trying to do things by your pathetic little selves, okay?" And he stomps off in dramatic fashion, flinging his imaginary cape behind him. Frosti tells us he's beginning to regret keeping him around instead of Ashley, and wonders why Dave can't just chill out and be grateful they didn't kick his ass to the curb last night? Well Frosti, it's because Dave doesn't think he was that close to leaving. In fact, he took your ouster of Ashley as an absolute vindication--a mandate, in fact, for his will to be carried out in all things from here on out. Enjoy your stay in China! :D

REWARD CHALLENGE

Jeff reveals that the winners of today's challenge will win a set of assorted Pier One-ish throw pillows, some blankets, kerosene, a lantern,some rope and a much-coveted tarp. In order to win it, they must win a brutal 3 on 3 wrestling match, in which people are thrown into the water until there's only one man standing, and that person's tribe gets a point. The Dragon's do their usual "let's sit out little Courtney and wee Todd," and they seem kinda bummed about it. As usual, the challenge would seem to favor the team with James, The Incredible Hulk on it, but wait! It's guys on guys, girls on girls, which proves all the difference, as the women of Crouching Tiger win each of their matches with the women of Hidden Dragon, even though James and the Dragon's win all of THEIR contests--because the challenge started with women, they get to three wins faster. It's one of those, ya had to be there deals in terms of who did what (it was extremely brutal), but it is worth mentioning that Dave took off all his clothes, and competed in the buff. I don't know if he thought it would intimidate the guys, or squick them out, or maybe he thought not having clothes on would make it harder to be grabbed (!) or whatever, but it didn't accomplish anything, except make him come off as even more of an aggressive creep than I thought he was, and I didn't know that was possible: way to keep me on my toes, Dave! The Tigers get to take a hostage and they choose Leslie, which pleases Todd because he knows she's gonna get to give the clue to somebody, probably Jaime, which keeps the number of people who know about the Idol to a very manageable three...

TALKING OUT OF SCHOOL

Leslie is thrilled to be at the happy, friendly Tiger tribe--lucky for her, she got there post Ashley. Dave even promises to keep his pants on, which brings joy to all. The boys then "entertain" by doing dives into the river, while the girls get to know their new captive. Leslie is thrilled to find out that Sherea, Erik and Jaime are all Christians and gushes, "I'm here to share the love of Christ with people, whether they like it or not, and even though these guys aren't as obnoxious about their faith as I am, it's still great to be amongst people who aren't utterly freaked out by me!" Poor Leslie--I feel bad ragging on her because as a Christian I know A LOT of Leslie's, and I know she means well, but I don't know how many people you can lead to Christ by being a monumental drag about it. As much as she says she's there to "love people," I think the way she presents it, by making sure everyone knows she's on some sort of "mission," makes it seem to people that there's strings attached. Anyway, Leslie's lips get loosened by all this new-found acceptance, and pretty soon she's dishing about her tribe's "strong personalities." When Jaime mentions how controlling she thought Aaron was, Leslie tries to defend him by saying he acts like a leader because they elected him leader but when asked why they elected him she's all, "Well, he kinda just took over anyway, so we just made it official... Heh." Later, she goes all quid pro quo on us, as we would expect, and gives the Immunity Clue to Jaime, and once again, CBS informs us that the Idol is part of the Chinese symbol that's in the archway each tribe has, but Jaime doesn't know that yet.

Maybe the good vibes keep Leslie from noticing that her ears are burning, but back at Hidden Dragon, James and Jean-Robert are doing some serious trash-talking, at her expense. Jeeringly referring to her as "Sister Christian," they speculate that she's probably next to go. James, who Leslie was quite kind to when he was allegedly nervous about fitting in, scoffs at her faith and warns Jean-Robert that people who pray the most, sin the most. And he probably has a point, as he's kinda echoing the trite sentiment of the classic Christian bumper sticker, "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven" which I've always thought sounded more snotty than humble. James and JR go on to rag on Courtney AND Todd, unaware of the fact that Todd and Courtney can hear every word their saying, and they really get an earful. When James says Courtney's a hard worker around camp, JR decides James is interested in Courtney, and even though James denies this, Jean-Robert can't stop himself from leering, "Hey, the only thing better than a million dollars is a million dollars and some ass." Yes, he DID say that at 8pm, 7 Central. Family hour my ass, er, patootie. Courtney chuckles that she won't be letting either of the men snuggle with her in the shelter, but Todd is furious and outraged, and vows to send both men home as soon as...well, as soon as he's done with them. He ain't stupid...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Leslie is returned to the Dragon's, who all look a little uneasy when she raves to Jeff about how much fun they had and how much they "talked." Jeff reminds them that they sat out Todd and Courtney last time so they can't do it again, so they sit out Leslie and Denise. It's interesting to me that Jeff points out who sat out last time because I know they've messed this up before, and let people sit out twice in a row, I KNOW it. Gah! Anyway, the challenge requires four people to take turns trying to chop thru seven ropes to release a...heavy sigh...sack of puzzle pieces. I don't know why that phrase annoys me, but it does. Anyway, it's actually a heavy sack full of heavy metal "coins", and once all four sacks are cut down, the remaining two people must stack the discs just so on a big pole and then drag the very heavy item across a field to the finish line. It's actually a nice little twist because you have to make one of your muscle people use their brains in regards to the puzzle, rather than loading up the muscle for the chopping and then having two weaklings do the puzzle.

The Dragon's figure that skeletal Courtney is their weakest link, so they put her up top so the stronger members can just pick up her slack. They have no idea how weak she is. At first, and for a very long time, she seems completely unable to use the machete to cut the ropes, which seriously makes you wonder, how she manages to walk from camp to the challenges, if she's SO weak. I mean, it's one thing to not be very good with a blade, I mean, I'm sure I'd suck at it, at first, but seriously, all four of the Tigers each cut their seven ropes before she even slices ONE. And every time a contestant sliced though their last rope, Survivor did this freeze frame of them doing it that was equal parts Awesome and Cheesy, I kid you not. Courtney is just too frail, and she keeps whining, 'How are they DOING it?" And really, you think she's try to rub the rope with the blade if the chopping was beyond her. Anyway, Jeff is furious--I love when Jeff gets all indignant that someone is deserving of "Survivor" and it's ancient 7-year-old customs. He keeps bellowing, "DON'T QUIT! DON'T GIVE UP!!" And too her credit, I guess, Courtney doesn't give up and does, eventually cut through her ropes, allowing the others on her team to try and catch up, and the remarkable thing is, they almost DO! I dunno if it was an especially hard puzzle, or if Dave and Sherea just suck, but Todd and Jean-Robert look for a second like they are gonna get that puzzle done first...but they don't, and the Tigers win their first Immunity!

HONESTY IS NOT THE BEST POLICY IF YOU WANT TO BE ON SURVIVOR

Back at the Dragon's lair, Courtney is in serious pain from the challenge and fretting about being ousted. Jean-Robert is convinced one of the weak women should go, namely Leslie or Courtney. Leslie shoots to the top of the list in many minds when she starts raving about her time with the other tribe, "Well it is SO much friendlier over there, and there's several other Christians over there so I felt WAY more comfortable with them, and gosh, I told them all sorts of things, like how Aaron is always bossing us around and stuff and how I'm in a secret alliance with Todd, and whatnot." When Aaron flips out, Leslie is quick to correct herself, and insists that the Tigers already knew Aaron was in charge because of Jaime, and how Aaron is always bossing them around at Challenges, but the damage is already done. Honestly, Leslie, why'd you have to be so honest? I mean, here's the thing, this was NOT a moral kind of honesty, like keeping your word. This was Leslie choosing the wrong way and time to try and passively air her grievances about how she's been treated. Or as Aaron puts it, "...her heart overcomes her brain." By the way, I've decided to stop calling Aaron "Hot Aaron" because he's shaping up to be a massive tool. But he's right to fear that Leslie feels closer to the other tribe than she does her own, and therefore correct in seeing her as a threat down the road.

Elsewhere, Courtney and Leslie try to get Todd to lobby the rest of the tribe to dump the "unpleasant" Jean-Robert. When Amanda privately (remember Amanda? Yeah, I didn't either)balks at keeping weakling Courtney, Todd talks up the advantages of being in an alliance down the road with someone who's pretty much gonna be incapable of winning individual Immunity, but Amanda thinks it's too early to lose Jean-Robert's bulk. Aaron is equally resistant, and tells Todd that Leslie's going because he doesn't want to be a target after the Merge. Dude, you're athletic, you're a target, frickin' deal with it. Todd is starting to worry about his OWN chances of winning individual Immunity later on against the likes of James, Aaron and JR, "I can't compete against all these huge guys!" Take heart, Todd--there will always be puzzles...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff has to tell the new-to-Tribal Dragon's about what fire represents. Jeff points out their two game losing streak and Jean-Robert says, with his usual tact, "We have the three strongest guys and the two weakest girls." Courtney then starts crying about how the tribe is always trying to come up with ways to minimize her, Leslie and Todd's contribution in challenges, and how hurtful it is. This somehow manages to move Jean-Robert, who then says he didn't mean to say that they were weak, which, as Jeff points out, is actually EXACTLY what he said. "I'm keeping it real," is JR's nonsensical reply. Then, Leslie seals her fate by pointing out, accurately, that the Tigers are a (barely)more unified tribe, and that they won the last two challenges on heart as opposed to physical strength. It's ABSOLUTELY true, but you can tell that it just rings of disloyalty to Aaron and James and that she's toast. When Jeff asks Jean-Robert if HE feels he's on the hot seat (which should ALWAYS be a tip-off that Jeff has seen something in the dailies, ALWAYS) Jean-Robert admits he is a little worried because of his rocky start. But he only gets Courtney and Leslie's votes. The rest go to Leslie, and Courtney is tearful at Leslie's departure. Aaron cast his vote and calls her "Mom," adding, "All your children in China are grown up." Being perceived as "parental" in any way is rarely a recipe for success on Survivor, and Lord knows younger contestants have often had silly reactions to the older crowd(Like when Australia's Jerri assumed the other tribe's health emergency had to be related to the "aged" Rodger, who was a very fit 50-something). But 30-year-old Aaron calling 38-year-old Leslie "Mom," is a bit much. "Big sister," maybe. But now that I think about it, I find it hard to really accept that Leslie is a mere two years older than ME. She seems WAY older, and honestly, I think it's because she's been too aggressive about her beliefs and her, well, for lack of a better word...mothering. In her exit, Leslie says she has no idea why her tribemates voted her out, but she knows that God wouldn't let her stay beyond when He wanted her to. I think Leslie and I have a very different view of Free Will (and God's interest in who wins Survivor). Leslie, if you'd just kept quiet about how much you liked the other team, Courtney would be going home and you'd live to fight another day. Don't be blaming God for your big mouth.

Leslie is booted out in 14th place. In season one, Stacey sued the show after her ouster, saying Mark Burnett told contestants to keep ol' Rudy around. I think she lost, but Mark Burnett doesn't hang around the set anymore. In the Outback, Tina sold out her pal Mad Dog on the way to winning the million. The Generation Gap was in it's fullest effect in Africa when the Lazy Necklace alliance got rid of Carl because he was over 40 and had, like, a car and a career and stuff. My beloved, imaginary husband Hunter was cut down far too soon by Evil Chachi and company in the Marquesas, and in dreadful Thailand, dreadfully boring Jed the dentist was extracted in 14th place. Whiny Daniel exited the Amazon here and we really thought we'd seen the last of the insufferable crybaby martyr lady boy scout Lillian in the Pearl Islands, and I've never REALLY recovered from them letting her back in so she could betray Rupert and almost win the damn thing. In Vanuatu, yet another young dude was cut loose by the "older, fatter dudes," this time FBI agent Brady, who didn't clear his appearance with the feds and is probably in Greenland or something. On Palau, Willard the cranky lawyer claimed to be Willard the cranky Postman but that didn't save him from wearing out his welcome. In Guatemala, "Golden Boy" Blake rose to smart Brian's bait and jabbered his way into Survivor oblivion and in Exile Island, "rocket scientist" Misty found out that flirting won't get you everywhere. Cristina the abrasive lady cop found her game arrested at 14 in the Cook Islands and last season, crafty Rita was voted off, in large part because she talked loudly about really stupid and boring things. So I guess, not so crafty.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Well, everyone knows that Leslie is a Christian Radio Host--she also teaches fitness classes and applied to be on Survivor 10 times before she was finally accepted. Believe it or not, she lists "Dumb and Dumber" as one of her all-time favorite movies--something she could've mentioned in camp to, you know, be down with the "kids."

Next week: More yelling, and based on the commercial I saw on Sunday, a double eviction ceremony! Predictions? Dave and Jean-Robert, though that's probably wishful thinking. Dave and Courtney.

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 15.2 "In front of the spy? Really?"

2007-10-01T14:15:00.000-07:00

I hope you're all enjoying the show (those that are watching). I think this is a great cast, the location is stunning and even the little things, like the familiar music being played with different instruments to give it a Chinese feel, are all working really well. The ratings are down, which is a shame. It always makes me sad that more people watched Survivor Thailand than did the last several installments of the show.

SURVIVOR'S TOP MODEL

At Crouching Tiger, Dave has taken over the leadership role at camp, much to the irritation of the reast of the tribe, who he enjoys talking down to. As we begin, he tells us, "I'm in charge now," and when other tribe members try to make suggestions about how to build the firepit, Dave sighs, "See, this is what bogs us down: you guys not doing everything I say." Cute and quiet Erik notes that Dave's ideas are sound, it's just the way he sounds them, and the way he dismisses anyone else's. When sweet Jaime offers an optimistic vision of the tribe's ability to get the firepit built in a day, Dave's snort's, "You're wishing really hard." Pieh Gee tells us that she's totally fine that Dave has usurped her as the tribe's de facto capo, and she should be--she's no longer on anyone's chopping block now that Dave (who's pretty much a cross between Zoolander (thanks Ashley) and Dwight Schrute from "The Office") is the one barking orders.

Dave tells us, "I have very SPECIFIC goals that I want my tribe to accomplish as they work to complete my plan, I, me, mine, my my." Dave wants to build a mighty fortress of a firepit before they even attempt to use the flint. When Jaime makes the pretty reasonable suggestion that they make a quick "baby fire," in order to ccok up some rice so everyone cna get some energy, Dave yells at her, and later drops a giant rock into a mud puddle, getting her covered in mud. She goes off to wash and she, Sherea, and Ashley hold an "Dave's a jackass" convention down by the river. Ashley is much more eager to confront Dave about the flaws in his plan, and when she tells him that everyone could really use some food in order to help him, he barks, "I moved half of those stones, MYSELF! I'm working plenty hard WITHOUT food, so everyone else is just a loser!" Ashley tries to get a word in edge-wise, but Dave is one of those people who takes the natural flow of conversation as rude interruption, and keeps yelling, "Can I finish!?" at her, kinda like Dana Carvey's Ross Perot imitation. "How many fires have you built, honey?" he snarks. Later, he tells us that everyone in the tribe is great except Ashley, completely oblivious to the fact even though she's a lot more aggresive about it than they'd be, she IS saying to Dave's face what everyone else is either saying behind his back or keeping to themselves.

EVERY GAMBLER KNOWS THAT THE SECRET TO SURVIVOR IS KNOWING WHEN TO STAY AWAKE, AND KNOWING WHEN TO SLEEP

At Hidden Dragon, everyone is working hard to keep their tribe in tip-top shake, and CBS underscore sthis by playing some music that seems to be right out of "Oklahoma." But then---screech, the sounds of Jean-Robert's snoring pierce the busy camp. Everyone fumes. Then Angela, who seems nice enough but I can't tell you much about her, decides to form an alliance with Todd the Gay Mormon Flight Attendant, whom she recognizes as "devious." Everyone seems to see Todd as crafty and dangerous and YET friendly and alliance-worthy. He's actually very Richard Hatch-like in that way. Remember in season one, his entire alliance knew he was a liar, they just thought he was gonna betray everyone else and then take them to the Final Two. Todd is a lot less obnoxious than Hatch--he doesn't sit around telling us how much smarter he is than everyone else, just that he's decided to play a very sneaky game. Anyway, Todd feels that he and Angela should enlist Hot Aaron as a third in their alliance, because he's big and strong and target-shaped. Todd feels that he and Angela can get him to implement any plans they have, and Aaron will draw all the heat. Aaron agrees to being in a Final Three with them (he doesn't realize he's their tool yet) and they all shake hands. Aaron does have a toolish vibe to him--he reminds me of Fred from "Scooby Doo." You know, the handsome guy who everyone follows because he's handsome but he thinks it's because he's smart.

Later, Aaron asks for suggestions from the group about what they should accomplish and Jean-Robert votes for resting, which prompts much eye-rilling from the rest of the tribe. Aaron confronts him on his loafiness and tells him he needs to start pulling hsi own weight and Jean-Robert shrugs and tells everyone that even though he's been lazy in regard to camp chores, he'll more than make up for it later in the game with his "mind stuff." Groan! He then boasts that he's "considered one of the bad boys of poker," like everyone at home is supposed to shudder in breathless anticipation of his next move. If you've ever watched a poker tournament on TV, you know that those guys really seem to believe there's some really cool secret behind the game that makes them super awesome, in their stupid sunglasses and dopey hats. But actually, it's just math and luck and maybe a little bit of acting. JR tells us later that all is going according to his plan--he's intentionally coming off like a slacker so that later, when he starts contributing, everyone will be really impressed. Hokay, dude, but the snoring seemed pretty real.

REWARD CHALLENGE

Jeff welcomes the tribe to the season's first Reward Challenge, which will be for fishing gear--including a boat. He also promises a twist, which will be revealed after the game. The Dragons seem rather shocked that Chicken is gone. The game is a messy one, in which the tribes compete three on three against each other in a field of mud and try to roll giant balls past each other and into goals. It's a game that certainly favors the Dragond and their big men: Aaron, James and JR, and that's how it plays out, the Dragons' win quite handily, and seem to work better as a team, but again, they also have these three really buff dudes. The game is very brutal, whith much grabbing, clothes pulling, choking and whatnot. Several people get more than their butt-cracks blurred out by CBS, put it that way. At one point, mean Courtney and pious Leslie seem to bond unexpectedly at the hilarious and scandalous nudity. Anglea doesn't realize she's lost her shirt until JR calls out to her, "Put your top back on," and when she realizes her situation, she groans, "My Mom is gonna kill me!" Contrary to last weeks teaser, Ashley's wrestling skills do little to help her tribe--all the girls were applying chokeholds with vigor, not just the lady that gets paid too. So the Dragons win, and Jeff tells them they get to kidnap someone from the Tigers until the Immunity Challenge, and they pick Jaime, who is then given secret message from Jeff that she is to read in private. Hmmm....

THE FLOATING DEAD FROG OF DOOM

The Tigers return to their camp, only to find it completely submerged, as the rain caused the river to rise and swamp them in. There is a dead, upside down frog in the water, that is surely a harbinger of something bad. I was also a little dissapointed that no one tried to eat it. The firepit, which Dave insisted on building above the water line is intact, and the tribe has to endure Dave's "See? I was right, wasn't I? Yes, I was..." for awhile, though Jaime's idea wasn't to build a lasting fire, just one to cook some food with, and had they eaten, who knows, maybe they win the Reward, I'm just saying. Later, when Dave starts bossing Ashley around, she calls him on his condescending tone, he apologizes, "Okay, crazy person, I'll be the bigger person and say I'm sorry even though I clearly have nothing to apologize for, okay? Does that make you feel better? Now do what I say." Sherea tells us that Dave better watch himself, because "It pisses adults off when you boss them." Dave still thinks that everyone else thinks he's awesome.

THE SPY WHO LIKED ME

Hot Aaron explains to us that they took Jaime from the Tigers because she's such a ray of sunshine that her loss would be utterly demoralizing. He doesn't know that Dave has managed to quash most of her joy and optimism anyway. Todd advises his team to keep an I on the flint and other valuables, as "The Art of War" talks about stealing things from your enemies. Leslie is impressed with Todd's sharp and focused approach to the game. The secret message doesn't tell Jaime to take anything, though. Rather, it tells her she has to give a clue to the tribe's hidden Immunity Idol to one of her enemies, so she decides to observe the tribe and MAN, do they give her a show. Jean-Robert starts talking about how much he needs sleep and Aaron demands he start working hard. JR replies that Aaron clearly just doesn't like him, and Aaron agrees and thus begins what Mean Courtney so colorfully and accurately describes as a "ridiculous bitch fight." She complains to us, "In front of the spy? Really? We can't all get along for, like, the two seconds she's here?" :D Man, I know I said I hated Courtney last weak, but if she keeps being this quotable, I'd hate to see her leave too early. And, I hate to defend Jean-Robert, because I really do think he's an ass, but he really DID work very heard during that challenge, and was a key reason they won--he moved those balls with two of the Tigers hanging on to him, and he probably did need a nap at that point--what was the harm? But aaron has reached a point with him where any time he's sleeping, it's gonna tick him off, and since he's already called him on it, it's like an afront to his "leadership" or something.

Later, a sick Leslie goes off to cry. She really wishes she had her Bible, but says she knows God has her there for a reason. I'm certain the fact that you chose to apply and go had something to do with it, Leslie, just sayin.' Her spirits are lifted when Jaime takes her aside and gives her the secret Immunity clue. She declares the unexpected windfall a gift from God, and He indeed works in mysterious ways, because Jaime gave it to her because she felt Lelsie was the tribe's weakest link. The Clue tells her the Idol is in camp somewhere, and is something that they all see everyday (CBS shows a Chinese character that's part of their flag pole, or something, that appears to be the Idol). But Leslie frets that she's never really been good at seeing the obvious, so she enlists, guess who: crafty Todd. She feels that he's clever and that she can use the Idol to broker some sort of alliance with him. He's pleased she's come to him, though he can't believe ANYONE would give that information to anyone else. He hopes that Leslie, who does seem to indeed be the weakest link because of her health, will be voted out, leaving him the only one with knowledge of the Idol's existence. THe only good thing about all this for Leslie is that Tood's such a player he hasn't shared the information with Aaron or Angela, or anyone else he may have an alliance with (and I expect he might have an alliance with everyone in the tribe by now).

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Jaime thanks her "captors" for their hospitality and is welcomed back to the Tigers. Jeff explains to the teams that they have to use "Chinese Puzzle logs" to smash through several doors, and then slide the puzzle through a series of bolts and what have you in order to win. Jaime, Courtney and Leslie sit out. The Dragons get off to a big lead, as the Tigers are hampered by a flagging Dave, who has perhaps been lifting too many big stones back at camp. Jeff seems to tkae pleasure in pointing out Dave's weakness. Frosti picks up Dave's slack though, and soon the Tigers have caught up and even get a slight lead when it come sto the puzzle part. It doesn't last, of course, and Jeff seems to be a little too obvious in his support of the Tigers. I get his wanting to get both tribes in Tribal Council early, and I too would like to see a more balanced competition, but...c'mon Jeff. Don't play favorites. When he tells the Tigers he'll see them again at Tribal, Dave looks likes he's struggling not to cry.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Before the Tigers go to the Temple, Dave apologizes for "losing his power" and blowing the competition. He's not at all worried about tonight though--he's sure Ashley is the most useless person on the team and that everyone is sick of her bad attitude. Of course, what everyone's sick of is "The Dave and Ashley Show," and everyone is actually pretty torn between the more likable Ashley and the more valuable Dave. Ashley, knowing she's on the block, decides to wait to campaign against Dave at Tribal Council...

Jeff wastes no time in asking how Dave's doing as a leader, and Frosti is very dilomatic, saying that Dave is perhaps trying to do too much. Ashley criticizes Dave for his "patronizing rants," and for his playing the martyr. On cue, Dave pouts, "I haven't BEEN a leader in a long time, and that's a really interesting story that I now hope soemone will ask me about." Jaime tells Dave that he's overextended himself and adds, "I think the way you phrase your demands--" and Dave defensively interrupts her, which Jaime calls him on. Sherea is even MORE blunt, "I haven't enjoyed a SINGLE moment here," she complains. She insists that Dave's Drill Seargeant methods of motivation has ruined the tribe's morale, and she feels they need to get to know one another, talk and laugh and have fun, if they're ever gonna be able to pull together and win as team. You go, Sherea! Jeff then asks Ashley what she's basing her vote on, and bless her heart, she just comes out and says, "I'm voting for Dave." She's the only one, though. Everyone else votes for Ashley, which is the smart decision. It's a painful one for Sherea, who tearfully glares at a smiling Dave as if to say, "You're next if you don't back the hell off." Ashley shoots Dave a parting shot, "I'll see you soon!" She may be right. The rest of the tribe does seem to be friends. Keeping Dave was smart, and he may indeed stick it out if he's mature enough to take the things the tribe said to heart and dial it back a little. In her exit, Ashley dubs Dave a "too," and "Zoolander," which is quite appropriate.

Ashely is ousted in 15th place, joining cantankerous B.B., who lobbied for his own ouster and then regretted it. In the Outback, Jerri got everyone to believe Kel had smuggled in some beef jerky, and in Africa Jessie the hot Latina coppuked her way out of the game. In the Marquesas, Patricia's bossy "Mama" role didn't sit well with her young tribemates and in Thailand, Tanja was yet another pretty girl who just couldn't stop throwing up. In the Amazon, Janet couldn't duck accusations of smuggling in some kind of granola bar and in the Pearl Islands, we lost plucky nerd Ryan, who wasn't man enough for Captain Andrew. Mean Mia made a shocking but welcome early exit in the Amazon and snotty Kim didn't last long after her wussy snuggle-partner Jeff did in Palau. Smart Brooke didn't survive the tribe shake-up in Guatelmala nor did witty Melinda on Exile Island. In the Cook Islands, we bid a reluctant farewell to the always interesting (even when fristerating) Cao Boi and last season, we saw the last of some girl named Liliana, though I can't say I remember a thing about her. Oh well.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Ashley is well-known enough in the WWE to have been portrayed in the MTV claymation show "Celebrity Death Match." She's appeared on TV's "Smallville,", and no surprise here, the cover of Playboy. Mvie night could be very odd at Ashley's place: she lists "Natual Born Killers," "Moulin Rouge," and "The Notebook" as her favorite films. In her spare time, she visits wounded vets at Bethesda Naval Hospital, so good for her.

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 15.1 "We bowed for, like, days!"

2007-09-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

WELCOME BACK! :D

Not just those of you reading this, but also, welcome back plain ol' gimmick free Survivor. 16 players, two tribes, no Exile, no Immunity Idols (an least not yet). Ahhh, it feels good! I read where Jeff Probst said he thought the "give one tribe everything and the other tribe nothing" twist was a bad idea: DUH! This Survivor isn't TOTALLY like every other season--it takes place in CHINA, and begins with the Survivors walking through the very NOT remote Shanghai, and then travelling to their remote location by train, which was sooo Amazing Race--except they didn't show anyone bickering and trying to book a flight using a borrowed cell phone. Then Jeff proceeded to name every occupation of every single contestant, "A lady wrestler, a Christian radio host, a lunchlady, a professional poker player, a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker.' And YES, there's another gay Mormon dude--have we ever had a straight Mormon dude? Seriously. Anyway, the train takes them to a Buddhist Temple near (or on?) the "Lake of a Thousand Islands." 39 Days! 16 People! One Survivor!

CHINESE CULTURE FREAKS OUT THE YANKS

Jeff leads everyone into the Buddhist temple that will host the Tribal Council ceremonies. He is quick to point out that the monks will be performing a "welcoming ceremony" that is NOT a "worship ceremony." Peih Gee gets emotional about coming to China so soon after the death of her grandfather, who would have gotten a kick out of it (Peih Gee was born in Hong Kong). Denise, the lunch lady with a rockin' mullett, is blown away by the whole thing, while Courtney--yes, this season brings us another insufferable blonde Courtney--rolls her eyes and complains later , "We bowed for like, days." Whatev. Then Leslie decides she's had enough of the bowing and kneeling in another faith's church and she bolts. Later Jeff asks her about it in front of everyone and Leslie admits she was freaked out because it felt like they were worshipping somebody NOT Jesus in there. Courtney rolls her eyes, "OMIGOD, a person with like, beliefs." Personally, I think I could manage to worship Jesus in a Buddhist temple, even if there WERE a bunch of gold Buddhas around--it's not like God's gonna hang you up on a technicality, Leslie. She also makes a big point of saying that she's not "religious" she just has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, which is one of those Christian jargony distinctions that sound great to Christians when they're talking to other Christians, and may have been a radical thing to say back in the Godspell 1970's, but I think it just confuses non-Christians (and Christians alike, maybe). You could tell the other Survivors were like, "SO...are you a Christian, or what?" Then Jeff tells everyone that their not gonna get to keep their luggage and their gonna have to play Survivor in the nice clothes they're wearing, and everyone freaks out and everyone at home screams in frustration, "Have any of you people EVER watched the show!?" A woman once played the entire game in a Boy Scout uniform, people! So everyone's in nice clothes and high heels, and Jaime tells Jeff she isn't wearing a bra, which, Jeff points out, could work to her benefit.

VIBES OF THE TRIBES

Jeff then breaks them into tribes: The first tribe we'll call Crouching Tiger (the real name sounds suspiciously like John Woo): CHicken, Frosti, Dave, Peih Gee, Ashley the wrestler, Sherea, Jaime and Erik (in yellow). In red is Flying Dragon: Denise, James, Todd, Aaron, Leslie, Jean Robert (Zhan Robear), Courtney and AManda. The Survivor: China logo kicks ASS, and the buffs have the tribe names on them in CHinese--they rock! Then Jeff gives each tribe a copy of "The Art of War" to bring to camp and everyone departs. They travel the river by boat until they find their respective camps: rice is provided, but no flint. At Hidden Dragon, Hot Aaron frets about coming on like too much of a leader too early. Leslie tries to unfreak-out her tribemates by playfully referring to Jehovah as "The Big Guy," like they'll suddenly be like, "Oh, the Big GUY! The Man Upstairs--oh, THAT'S who you believe in--well, now I'm totally not freaked out by your fundamentalism!" The bonding goes well--everyone seems to be getting on and having fun as they compare notes about jobs and where they're from. The only person not enjoying themselves is Courtney the emaciated heroin addict, who scoffs, "THere's like, flight attendants, and Sunday school people, and like, people from the Midwest, and they're all, like, being friendly and nice to each other? Okay, like, I'm from New York, and like, I don't usually hang around people who are like, positive and stuff, you know?" Meanwhile, Jean-Robert, the dumpy professional poker player goes to look for tree mail with Todd, the chipper gay Mormon flight attendant. JR tells Todd, "I think you're devious...and maybe NOT a flight attendant. I got my eye on you kid." Wow, way to keep your cards close to the vest, big guy. Then Todd informs us that he wants to win because, ahem, a million dollars is a lot of money. Every year I forget that, but someone always reminds me. Later, they do some SERIOUS forest-clearing, thanks in large point to large James, a rather quiet grave digger who has the kind of physique you usually only see in the comic books. WHen he worries that he might flounder with the inter-personal side of the game, Leslie the Christian radio host advises him to ask people a lot of questions, because people love to talk about themselves. Awww, Leslie's kinda sweet. Later, the gang has Hot Aaron read from "The Art of War," and Todd declares Aaron the leader and everyone agrees and Aaron is internally freaked out because "Leaders don't do well," even though several of the game's winners have been leaders in their tribes.

At Crouching Tiger, Sherea is struggling to walk in her heels, and seems to be yet another Black woman on Survivor who has no outdoorsyness whatsoever--Cassandra and Cirie both made it to the top four, so it's not necessarily a game-killer, it's just...can't they find one Black woman who camps and fishes or whatnot? Chicken, the Fiftyish chicken farmer starts bossing everyone around and then when people start disagreeing with his ideas he starts sulking and vows to stop making suggestions, and starts to irritate the others when every time they ask his opinion he says "do' matter tuh me." What irritates ME is they don't subtitle the hillbillies on this show--Chicken is definitely Big Tomesque. Ashley the pro-wrestler starts talking about making her fans happy--my guess is her MASSIVE FAKE BOOBS make that a done deal no matter how she fares in the game--holy cats! Then a bunch of the tribe starts dancing to imaginary music, which irritates the goal-oriented Peih-Gee, who is not thrilled with the fact that everyone's getting their freak on instead of getting their shelter on. She's right on the money, but does anyone else see another casting pattern: the type-A, bossy Hermione Grangerish Asian chick? ANyway, the shelter doesn't get built and they all have to sit out in a lightening storm and get wet. Chicken says something I couldn't understand and the next morning, Ashley is sick as a dog. CBS executives start to worry that the girl with the built-in wrestling fanboy fanbase and giant fake boobs might be voted out on account of illness before she even loses her bikini top while wrestling somebody, as was the plan. Ashley shrugs off her puking, "I've wrestled with a 104 degree fever before--it's in my contract." Then Dave the "ex-model" ("Dave" the model? Dave? Really?) goes up to Ashley and assures her, "Just because you're sick, don't think you're on the chopping block." Ashley's all, "Hey, thanks!" Cut to: Dave looking at the camera, "If Ashley keeps ralphing her guts out, she is GONE!" I honestly get the impression that Dave false-comforted Ashley because he was anxious to lie--you know, work on his game, get in the swing of things.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Jeff gathers the troops, and everyone agrees it's been wet so far. Jeff tells the gang that they'll be reunited with their running shoes for the challenge, and get to keep them the rest of the time--yay! Then he shows them the awesome Immunity Idol, that looks like one of the famed Terracotta Warriors. Sweet! Then comes the challenge, that will give the winning tribe Immunity and fire, via flint. The tribes have to run together as a team, hoisting a giant paper dragon aloft so it looks from above as though the dragons are racing. Then people unlock themselves and perform feats of jumping and such and then return to the group and get their group thru the course. At the end, they have to put the sticks they used to carry the dragons into the proper holes on the ground. It was cool looking, but nothing significant happened game wise, so I won't belabor it. Suffice it to say, Hidden Dragon wins the Dragon Race challenge--uh, can you say "totally fixed?" Next week better be Tiger-related.

CROUCHING TIGER, WEAKEST LINK

When the Tigers get back to camp, Peih Gee bursts into tears, and is comforted by Dave, which probably means he intends to vote her out. THen she recovers and starts bossing everyone around in regards to their non-existent shelter, which irritates everyone, even though none of them are working and they do desperately need that shelter. She starts to get really frustrated with Chicken, who's built chicken coops and done manual labor, unlike the rest of the tribe, let's face it. But he's still unwilling to put himself out there because no one wanted to listen to him before, and he gets pretty danged stubborn about not answering the simplest questions. Ashley is now recovered and highly judgemental of Peih Gee, for being bossy AND for crying earlier. Personally, I don't think a woman who wrestles for a living and has a giant plastic rack should spend a lot of time judging the behavior of OTHER women, but maybe that's just me. Chicken is no fan of Ashley--he refuses to accept any doctor's excuse regarding her failure to perform camp tasks when she was heaving her guts out. "She ain' don' nuthin'" he complains, and then he adds, "That's what makes the element of the game," to which America says, "Zuh?" Sherea is debating between voting out Chicken or the bossy Peih-Gee, while pompous Dave confides to us that he wants Chicken around because he wants an ally in case the tribe's young people start banding together. And that was the night's BIGGEST surprise: Ex-model Dave referring to the chicken farmer as a contemporary...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Fire represents life, for those who may have forgotten. Jeff asks about the lack of shelter and Chicken weighs in, criticizing the tribe for taking two days to accomplish the task. Jeff asks if they need a leader and Dave nominates himself, whichs draws several "say what?" looks from the others. Peih Gee prefaces her candidacy by saying, "I don't want to be bossy, Buuuuut..." and everyone starts eye-rolling and fuming as she points out that work isn't gonna do itself. Then Jeff asks who's vulnerable and Ashley gulps hard when both Dave and Chicken say it's the "least productive" of the Tiger's, so she reminds everybody that she was sick before. Chicken goes on to point the tribe's weaknesses a little more and then says, "If we don't open our eyes, we'll be seeing you a lot," to Jeff. Turns out, Chicken has attended his first and last Tribal Council, getting at least four of the tribe's votes (Ashley gets two, Peih Gee gets Ashley's vote, spelled "p.g."). When he realizes he's out, Chicken let's out a loud, "DAMN!!!" which was a refreshing bit of honest emotion. Jeff tells him the tribe has spoken, and Chicken replies, "Ah heard 'em." I wonder if Peih Gee would have gone had Chicken just held his tongue a little. I think she was high on some people's lists and then they were like, "Well, it sounds like Chicken's gonna be just as bossy AND he's some old dude, let's get rid of him." Sad, but true. Though I am relieved that the first person voted out of Survivor: China wasn't, you know, the Chinese girl. Jeff lets them take their torches back so they can have fire.

Chicken is eliminated in 16th place, which is once again last place. Fifteen Survivors have failed to make it as far as 16. The first 16th place finisher was ukelele-totin' Sonja. In the Outback, bossy Deb was cut loose and in Africa the tribe parted ways with shifty bean-thief Diane. In Marquesas, weird Peter had to go when he couldn't keep his pie-hole shut regarding...his other, ahem, holes. In Thailand, it was another bossy player, Reverend John who was eliminated and in the Amazon, pretty-buy Ryan was doomed when he couldn't flirt his way further with his all-male tribe. In the Pearl Islands, Nicole just didn't impress anyone and in Vanuatu, John P. was one of the younger victims of the "older, fatter dudes." In Palau, Jeff allegedly "hurt his ankle" and punked out, while Guatemala's Brianna ran afoul of jock Steph when she didn't know what "a pick" was in basketball. Tina the grieving lumberjill was first off of Exile Island and Stephannie wasn't really into sticking it out on the Cook Islands. Last season, Gary was forced out of the game by an injury.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Well, Chicken isn't just a fan of country and western music--he is pretty much a country and western SONG, having raised three children by himself while working as a farmer and spending his free time huntin' and fishin' and ATV'n. It should be noted that he raises grass-fed livestock and poultry. In his exit interview, he predicts doom for his unmotivated tribe and then finishes by giving a fan's tribute to the show, "No one is more proud to be a small part of a big adventure." Aww, hell. We'll miss you too, chicken man! :(

Peace Out :D

Christine

Survivor 14.14 "I am a truth teller. I am Dreamz."

2007-09-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

FINALE: FINALLY! :D

Okay, this is gonna be short and sweet because Survivor: China starts in a couple days. It's also short because I actually missed the first hour of the Finale, and because it happened right when I was moving, I forgot to ask anybody to save it for me. And, after reading my illegible notes of the Reunion, I decided not to recap that either. So, here we go.

PER THE OFFICIAL WEB SITE

According to the CBS website, here's what I missed in the first hour: Yau's almost ouster causes a nervous Earl to declare "It's all about cannabalism now!" Cassandra tries to explain to Earl that she betrayed Yau because it's the time in the game where you've got to look out for yourself. Yau realizes that giving the truck to Dreamz has made him an even bigger target--he feels he MUST win Immunity in order to stick around. In the Immunity Challenge, which was apparantly one of those "search for stuff in a maze while your blindfolded" deals, Yau got his wish, securing Immunity for himself. Everyone agrees that it's time to eliminate Boo, but a wary Dreamz brings all his stuff to Tribal Council, just in case. Boo finishes in 5th place, joining the inexplicably dense Brain Surgeon Sean, and the Outback's honorable Rodger. In Africa, the equally decent T-bird got the boot while loudmouthed Sean talked his way out of the Marquesas at this point in the game. In Thailand, Ted was shocked to find out he wasn't Porn Star Brian's BFF, and America rejoiced as One when stupid, mean and shallow Heidi was eliminated. Smug Burton was voted out for the second time at 5th place in the Pearl Islands and Jeff's too-young-for-him girlfriend Julie was a 5th placer as well. In Palau, Caryn got the shaft from Tom and Ian and in Guatemala, Cindy chose to give herself a car instead of give a car to each of her fellow players, and it ticked them off. Crazy Shane was blindsided by Aras at this crucial juncture, and last season, dumb Adam ran out of luck.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

The hardworking Kenward, aka Boo, works construction during the day and manages the club he owns at night. Not surprisingly, he's a fan of mixed martial arts AND Gilligan's Island.

MORE STUFF I MISSED

THe Final Four of Yau, Cassandra, Dreamz and Earl do the tradional "Here's all the people that got voted out" montage and light torches in thier honor. Dreamz claims he plans to try to win Immunity and give it to Yau-man. They arrive at the Immunity Challenge and Jeff stuns them by revealing that there will be a Final Three (like last season, which they haven't seen). Yawn. Final Three SUCKS, if you ask me.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Okay, this is where I came in, and it was like Survivor: Guantanamo Bay! The Survivors were sunjected to this water torture, which Dreamz ultimately endured longer than the rest, to win the Immunity...that he promised Yau in exchange for the truck. But Jeff's revelation that there will be a Final three instead of two has further complicated things for the already capricious Dreamz. That should be the name of a racehorse. Capriciosu Dreamz. The others are all pretty sure he'll honor his word though, "He's a good kid," mainatains Cassandra. Yau must be getting more bad vibes--he goes to Dreamz and asks him to at least not VOTE against him, if he chooses to back out and keep the necklace. Dreamz starts to agonize, "I took out a whole alliance...did I trade a million dollars for a truck?" Of all the Survivor seasons Ever, this one has got to have been the Aesopiest. Then Dreamz declares (ironically, we will soon find) "I am a truth teller. I am Dreamz."

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Boo still looks kinda scuzzy, even though he's presumably cleaned up. Dreamz starts laying the ground work for screwing over Yau by remindidn everyone that Survivor is a game of lying, and that Yau gave him the game out of strategy, not generosity. If Dreamz gives up Immunity, he WILL be out of the game. The jury seems skeptical when Yau claims he never tried to lobby Dreamz to live up to his word, and the already-duped Edgardo looks almost physically ill at Yau's trust in Dreamz. Dreamz tells Jeff he's keeping Immunity, and then he starts crying as the votes are read--revealing that Yau is out 3-1. A nation mourns.

Yau finishes in fourth place. In season One, held on Yau's native Borneo, Stoopid Sue met her bitter end in the same spot, and it's also where we bid adieu to the pre "View" pre-Hasselback, Elisabeth Filarski. In Africa, Big Tom was shocked to be the one cut out of his alliance here, while in the Marquesas, Paschal lost a "grab the rock" tie-breaker that paved the way for Vecepia's unliley win. In Thailand, we lost yet another of Brian's dupes, Helen, and in the Amazon, it was explusion time for Butch the principal. In the Pearl Islands, Darrah was targetted and in Vanuatu, it was good riddance to the irritating Eliza. In Palau, Gregg's equally dull ally Jennifer wsa dispensed with and the trying Lydia was silenced here in Guatemala. On Exile Island, Cirie COULD NOT build that damned fire, and last season, we said goodbye to our friend Sundra.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Well, he's yet another really likable contestant from...where? That's right, the East Bay! Last season's winner, Yul, is from my hometown of Concord, Ca and Yau lives in neighboring Martinez, where I worked all through college at the Contra Costa Cinemas. Anyway, Yau works for UC Berkeley and graduated from M.I.T., so we believe him when he says his favorite show is 60 Minutes.

FINAL THREE

Dreamz is sort of broken up about breaking his word. Sort of. But it's just a game, after all, he reasons. Earl is upset at himself for turning on Yau once Dreamz had reneged on his deal with Yau, "I turned on Yau--they're gonna turn on me," fe frets, in regards to the jury. But he's gotta know he's a leadpipe cinch. That jury sure as hell ain't gonna give the money to the very lucky Cassandra and the very duplicitous Dreamz. Which is what Earl was thinking when he wrote down is friend's name. Later, the Dharma Initiative airlifts them a breakfast feast that Earl has to go out and swim for. Survivor plays the "camp cookie" music as they all revel in still being there--especially the unathletic and surprised-as-we-are Cassandra. Then Dreamz says he's so happy that, "I feel like I'm standing next to Oprah." Hokay then.

FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL

Opening statements: Earl feels he played an honest and clean game, and he reminds everyone that no one ever voted against him. The chess player feels he "made the right moves," and that he deserves the "respect vote." Cassandra plays up her sounding board skills and claims to have never voted against an alliance-mate, which doesn't track with her voting out Yau. Dreamz talks up his big heart, and how much good he could do with the million. Then it's time for the grilling.

Michelle asks everyone to say what their biggest hardship was. Dreamz reminds everyone that he was homeless, so sleeping outside wasn't a hardship fo rhim--but the thirst was crippling. Cassandra reckons it was her inability to swim and Earl reminds everyone that he's the only original member of Ravu, the tribe that got the shaft and suffered, plus he wsa sent to Exile a lot. Edgardo simply asks Earl how HE found out that the My Little Ponies had the Immunity Idol. "Dreamz," Earl replies. "That's it," Ed says, sitting down. Mookie tries to get Dreamz to own up to his betraying him and Ed and Alex, but Dreamz just recites the "game" mantra. Then Alex gets up and goes all Perry Mason on Cassandra, accusing her of using and then discarding poor Stacy--who, it must be mentioned, treated Cassandra like garbage throughout the beginning of the game. Alex probably didn't notice because he was king of the hill at that point and Cassandra was beneath his notice. ANd of course, I have to be the one to mention it because Cassandra fails to defend herself. It was was really infuriating--every time Cassandra went to speak, ALex was like, "Stop talking! I get to talk now!" I really wish Cassandra had stood up for herself, but she didn't. ALex is an ass.

Then it gets EVEN worse, when loundmouth Lisi starts off her questioning with "Eenie meenie miney moe, catch a liar by the toe." Considering that the N-word is so closely associated with that rhyme, it was prerry appalling to hear Lisi say it in addressing the all-black Finalists. She then attacks Cassandra for coming to Fiji in the wrong kind of shoes. Again, Cassandra doesn't stand up for herself and I really wish SOMEBODY had said, "Okay, Quitter!" I mean, Dreamz knows what a wimp she was when they were on the same tribe. Lisi then asks Dreamz how many zeros are in a million, because she's a patronizing bitch. She accuses Earl of "Putting on a show," whatever the hell that means. Part of the reason I'm not recapping the reunion is Jeff never calls her on her vitriol, she's just a hateful, tasteless dipstick. UGH! So then mean Stacy gets up there and is not mean at all, and I've gotta give big ups to her for it. She congratulates everyone for making it to the Final Three, and then asks Earl to tell her how she can justify giving the money to anyone but the less-educated, up from the streets Horatio Dreamz Alger, if her choice is need based. Earl replies that just because he has a job and a car, doesn't mean he doesn't need a million dollars--don't we all? This seems to meet with ALex's approval. Then it's Rocky's turn--he wants to hear from everyone what there biggest "kickuh" moment was, in other words, when they REALLY made a bold kick-ass move in the game. Cassandra hems and haws and irritates Rocky, Dreamz cops to his manipulations, and Earl says that no one even thought he was playing the game.

More fireworks occr when Boo steps up--Boo, who should have been this interesting during the game. He applauds his fellow juror Yau, and then calls out Dreamz, as a fellow Christian, for breaking the promise he made to Yau regarding the truck. He asks Dreamz to answer him as a Christian: was he playing the game the whole time with Yau, or did he mean his promise and then change his mind? Dreamz claims he was always playing the game, which is an interesting answer--since we saw so much of his flip-flopping, I'm not sure it's the truth. Boo ends is time by telling Dreamz, "I still believe in you, but you're an immature Christian." He tells him that someday, Dreamz will be mature enough to resist monetary temptation over morality. I mean, HOT DAMN, was that drama or what? Where was this toughtful and comanding Boo during the game? Then it's Yau's turn and he proves his status as just...a superior being, really, compared to most humans, when he lets ol' Dreamz off the hook. He says he's a 54-year-old man who can admit to a mistake. He tells Dreamz he gave him the truck in good faith, and that he should enjoy it. Then he asks Dreams why he DID change his mind, and Dreamz, who seems to be averse to admitting he's so changeable, retorts, "I didn't change, I outplayed you." Whatever. Yau asks Earl why Earl chose to get rid of him, and Earl admits he knew he couldn't beat Yau with any jury, "You played the best game, by far." I know a lot of people are mad at Earl for shafting Yau, but I like Earl, and I'm glad he won, and I get why he made the decison to cut Yau out of the game when the chance arose. Jeff takes the votes away to New York for the reunion. In New York City, everyone is a little heavier and wearing a lot more make-up. Jeff announces Earl's unanimous win. THE END

Although Cassandra and Dreamz both received no votes, meaing they technically tied, I'm giving second place to Dreamz, by virtue of his Immunity and Reward wins, so Cassandra finishes in third place, along with cranky Rudy, pompous Keith, psycho Lex, winning Kath, kooky Jan, crafty Rob, evil Jonny Fairplay, Scout who, like Cassandra, didn't do much to earn her spot except not be a threat to anyone on any level, skinny Ian, judgey Rafe, Terry the insufferable Navy Guy and last season's Becky, who didn't win alot of stuff, but was truly Yul's Executive Officer. Cassandra's bio is quite boring--sorry Cassandra!

Dreamz finishes in the runner-up spot, joining Kelly the wrongly-maligned river guide, noble Colby who honored his word to Tina even though he knew it was probably a 900,000 decision, Old Kim who had the power to take Lex to the Final Two but thankfully chose good and true Ethan instead and Oh my heck Neleh. Also coming in second were odious Clay, bizzare Matt, Lill the whiny martyr who was let back in, Twila who swore on her kid and went back on it, mean Katie, plucky Steph in her second shot at the game, Boston Danielle, and last season's Ozzy of the jungle.

Earl is this season's Ultimate Survivor, joining Evil Richard Hatch, clever Nurse Tina, fair and fine Ethan, coaster extraordinaire Vecepia, sleazy Porn Star Brian, the surprisingly likable once the season was ending Jenna, entertaining Sandra, kinda creepy Chris, Fireman Tom, sports gal Danni, yoga-twit Aras and last season's hot-bodied nerd, Yul.

Thank you for your patience and support--if anyone is indeed even reading this. See you in China! :D

Christine

Survivor 14.13 "I have bad vibes."

2007-09-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

WHERE'S YOGI WHEN BOO NEEDS HIM?

One of the main problems in writing these reviews so long after I watched them is I cant read my own handwriting. Also, I say things like "Sting ray Par-tay!" based on the animal inserts they always use at the top of sequences, which are probably meaningless to everyone, even those of you who watch the show. Trust me, this episode opened with a school of Sting rays swimming in attack formation, and it was awesome. Then we had a humorous juxtapostion of images: Boo devotes a great deal of energy to creating a secret path to the water well that will enable him to overhear his tribemates when they go off to talk about him behind his back. Of course, since he is devoting all this time away from camp, his tribemates can now easily talk behind his back--great strategy, Boo. Everyone wants Boo gone, because he's annoying and physically strong. Stacy offers to stage a fight between her and Earl to help blindside Boo. We cut back to doofus Boo working out his top-secret spying plan, as the hillbilly music piped in by CBS and company seems to say, "Are they really scared of this guy?"

THE CAR CHALLENGE THAT WILL GO DOEN IN INFAMY

The tree mail arrives with talk of "Built Tough" and "Bold Moves," which tips off Boo that today is the day they get to try and win a car--and try to avoid the car curse. As is stated every season, no player has ever won the car, and gone on to win the million dollars. Boston Rob got around it of course, by marrying the million dollar winner, Amber, after gifting her a different car in the rward portion of that challenge--so it isn't the CAR that's cursed, it's the actual winning of it, right? Right. If you believe in such things. I like it just because I love Survivor lore in general. Dreamz not only doesn't own a car, he doesn't own a license, but that doesn't stop him from imploring the others to let him get a car today. The car is a HUGE Ford Super-DUty F350 truck--you'd almost have to win the million to afford the gasoline,but it LOOKS cool, and everyone oohs and aahs and covets it. Dreamz forshadows the most talked-about aspect of this season when he declares, "You won't believe what I'd do for a truck like that." The group will be devided into two teams, and the winning team will compete for the truck against each other, then deliver school supplies (including a "mobile classroom" with computers) to a local school. They are divided into two teams, and it winds up being the three black people versus the three people who aren't black, which makes AMerica a little uncomfortable. I can't read my writing very well, nor rmemeber the challenge enough to recount it, but we all know it was some kind of onstacle course. Boo, Yau and Stacy win, and move on to an axe throwing contest, which Yau wins, to pal Earl's delight. Yau mixes things up though by choosing to negotiate with his prize, and winds up trading the truck to Dreamz for his shaky promise that if Dreamz wins Immunity when it's down to four remaining players, Dreamz will give said Immunity to Yau. This seems very one-sided, as Yau says the truck belongs to Dreamz even if Yau goes out BEFORE Dreamz can honor the deal, or if Dreamz doesn't HAVE Immnuity to give Yau. Yau is content though--he doesn't really care about the truck, and he's aware of the car curse (and the price of gas). He is also genuinely happy to give a life-changing gift to Dreamz, because Yau is just a fundamentally decent person. Then he goes and sends HIMSELF to Exile, which is apparantly possible, who knew? Dreamz raves, "Yau is amazing to me. I don't get it. I'm not gonna try." So Dreamz takes Yau's place on the winning team, and he Stacy and Boo go off to deliver the school stuff--Boo drives. While they revel in bringing joy to the villagers, Dreamz has worked out Yau's plan to eliminate him from the Finals, and plots to oust Yau before he has to consider honoring his word. On Exile Island, Yau finds the next clue and vows to share it with Earl so he can get the other Immunity Idol.

FLIP FLOPPING AWAY

Earl seraches in vain for the other Idol while Dreamz goes back and forth about what to do about his promise to Yau (who gave him a $30,000 truck). He recognizes that Yau wants him gone, becuae he's so tight with Earl and Cassandra. In practically the same sentence, Dreamz decides to stab Yau in the back AND stand by his word. He frets about being seen as a liar, even though he's already lied extensivley in this game--just ask ALex, Mookie and Ed. He goes over all this with Cass, who just "mmm-hmmms" him to death. He wants to get rid of Yau and Boo. Cass recognizes Yau as a threat due to his EXTREME likability, but is more worried about Boo becaue of the liklihood that he could win-out in terms of Immunity...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Once again, Immunity is back up for grabs! It's one of those ones where they move on in stages, and I'm pretty sure it's the one where they have to do all these pieces of challenges they've done before--again, my notes are a little fuzzy. Stacy and Cass are the first two out--where's Steph when you need her? Seriously, this game needs another "girl that kicks-ass in physical challenges" next time around. I mean, they have to throw a rope out in the water to try and bring something to shre, and Cass throws her entire rope in and then has to go get it, you know? Earl barely moves on to the next round and when Jeff points that out, Earl gets kinda ticked. Boo and Yau move on to the Finals, and Boo wins and everyone else is like, "Sh**, now what?"

NOW WHAT?

Boo is greatly amused by everyone's disappointment at his Immunity, and he cnat wait to find out what Plan B is. Yau gives Earl the last clue, and Earl goes off on an epic quest and eventually finds it! He shows it to Yau and the two friends revel in the fact that they are in control of the Idols. They feel very safe--but they have to play the Idol before the votes are read, meaning they are both still vulnerable to being blindsided. Dreamz tries to enlist former arch-enemy Stacy into a plot to eliminate Yau, and she knows she'd be the easiest name to write down tonight so she's eager to join. Cassandra sees the pros and cons--she knows yau would be impossible to beat in the Final Two, but if Yau plays the Idol tonight, then she'd be exposed as trying to betray Yau, and by extention Earl, and right now, both men with take her to the Final three. Stacy pretneds that she's resigned to her fate and ready to go, ehich a pleased Earl seems to buy. Dreamz has Yau right where he watns him, but he's so insecure, he wrecks it all by telling Yau that he (Dreamz) is no dummy. He realizes that Yau's "selfless" gift has some selfish motivation behind it--that Yau wants Dreamz out of the game before the Final Three. Dreamz, playing dumb would've been a lot smarter. Yau tells Earl, "I have bad vibes," but Earl isn't worried. He thinks Stacy's ouster tonight is a lead pipe cinch.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Mookie and Rocky seeth with jealousy when they hear that someone else got to win truck. Dreamz relates how Yau traded him the truck for a promise and there is a CLASSIC reaction from Alex and Ed when Dreamz claims, "I'm a great man of my word." The jury seems to be torn between thinking Yau is awesome or dumb, or maybe a little of both. Alex has shaved, by the way, and isn't nearly as hot as he was with the beard--it was working for ya, dude! Everyone discusses the hidden Immunity Idols, and Jeff brings up the spectre of the "million dollar blunder" of HAVING and Immnuity Idol and choosing not to play it and then geting voted out. Then Stacy adds to Dreamz earlier tip-ff to yau by predicting a plit vote tonight, instead of say, saying something to the effect that she wishes she could stay in the game longer. Anyway, everyone is stunned when Yau plays his Idol, and Stacy, Dreamz and Cass look crestfallen. It turns out he absolutley played it at the right time, as only he and Earl voted for Stacy, though Jeff only reveals three votes for Yau, maybe giving Cass some leeway to lie? Earl is thrilled and impressed at Yau's insight, and Yau is actually happy to see his name come up so often at Tribal Council because he knows he played it at the right time.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Stacy is not a very fun person on paper--no favorite TV shows? She enjoys horseback riding and roots for the Miami Heat. Eh, whatever.

Stacy is ousted in 6th place, joining a host of other pretty girls, and the occasional man. In borneo, sweet and witty Colleen was booted and in the Outback, no one dreamed we hadn't seen the last of boring Amber when she was cut loose--who knew? In Africa, Lil' Kim managed to make it this far and in Thailand, ol' Jake was botted for not doing his share of the chores around camp--kidding Jake, kidding. In the Amazon, brave and deaf Christy was a victim of her own hubris (the theme to the Amazon season) while the Pearl Island's Christa aka Big Bird lost the numbers game. In Vanuatu, Ami the judgemental lsbian was sent packing while in Palau, hot but boring Gregg was outplayed by Tom and Ian. Big angry Judd wished death by crocodile on those that voted him out in 6th place in Guatemala, and flaky obnoxious Courtney was blindsided in Exile Island as "the Navy Guy" kept winning Immunity. Last season, Parvati was finally faced with a situation she couldn't flirt her way out of.

Next up: the Finale (Finally!) :D

Christine

Survivor 14.12 "It's like a field trip for grown people!"

2007-09-05T10:39:00.000-07:00

Four months later, and here I am, finishing up my review of Survivor: Um. Where the hell was it? Oh yeah, Fiji. It was a really good season, and deserves a better wrap up than I'm gonna give it, but life happened. I was preparing to move right as the season was ending, and you all know what a all-encompassing deal that can be. I am now sharing a beautiful 2 bedroom home on a lovely, peaceful tree-lined street, with my sister, who has always been more consistently employed, hence our nice digs. And we have central air. I have never in my life had central air--my parents don't have it, I had NO A/C during the 10 years I lived in LA, and only a swamp cooler for my first 2 and a half years in Sacramento, where triple-digit temperatures rule the summer! So anyway, I'm living large. Anyway, on to the review. If you're lost, go back and read the review of 14.11 that I wrote in May.

ALEX: "I AM THE DRAMA KING!"

Alex realizes that his last minute decision to vote against his last-remaining fellow Horseman, Mookie, saved him from elimination. Yay backstabbing! Earl is bent because Alex would have gone home if his alliance had all voted against Alex instead of doing a split vote between Mookie and Alex to protect them from the second Immunity Idol that ALex and Mookie could only have found had it been floating in the water-well with a bow around it. Earl is ticked because ALex is much more of threat to win Immunity (and sway people to his side, perhaps) than the bitter and now departed, Mookie. Stacy tries to make nice with former-friend Alex, which unnerves Earl, who dispatches Boo to break-up the gabfest. Alex continues to make grand pronouncements about his secret plans to dominate the game, odds be damned! Like in the morning, he tells us he's in "ninja mode," as he lies around looking defeated so he can eavesdrop. As a longtime reader of the "G.I Joe" comic series, I can assure you that real ninjas...er, well, comic-book ninjas, anyway, are a little more pro-active than THAT. I mean, Snake-Eyes would win individual Immunity, like, every single time, so he wouldn't need to mope around. Come to think about it, Storm Shadow would be PERFECT for Survivor, because he's constantly switching loyalties between the Joes and Cobra. Anyway, all that geekiness to say: Alex is no ninja. Elsewhere, Earl refers to Yau, Cassandra and the utterly untrustable Dreamz as his "core four," which strikes fear in the heart of everyone who's rooting for Yau or Earl. They plot strategy as Cassandra stands by doing a lot of "Mmm-hmmm"-ing. Yau doesn't want Dreamz brought along because of his friendship with Cassandra. Everyone agrees that getting rid of Alex is Job Number One...

REWARD CHALLENGE

Stacy wears her Immunity Necklace to the Reward Challenge, for whatever reason. In this challenge, the players all have their hands tied behind their backs, while they pull off pieces of pork with their teeth, from these big hunks of meat hanging from rope. It's very messy. They have to fill up this bucket, and the players with the top three biggest piles of pork get to go on this river rafting adventure. Boo, Yau and Dreamz win the trip, and Boo, as the big winner, gets to send someone into Exile. He chooses Earl, who wanted to go so that only he can see the clue to the Idol. In Exile, Earl reads the Second Clue, and feels it may be enough to find the Idol...

ADVENTURE TIME

Yau, Boo and Dreamz go on a helicopter ride to get to their River-rafting site. Boo starts jawing, "Ah'd spend six or seven hundred dollars on one of these here whirly-birds, jus' to impress mah sweetheart on a date!" Or you could just take her to the cee-ment pond, Boo. Yau and Dreamz wish Boo could shut-up for a few moments. Then they get a safety lesson and it's on to the river, as Dreamz wishes his siblings could be there to take part in all this: "It's like a field trip for grown people!" Later they get a giant lunch and letters from home. Yau gets a message from his kids, Boo gets a message from his sister Ellie Mae, and Dreamz gets emotional about the "deep stuff" HIS sister says in her letter.

BOO! TO BOO

The winners return to camp, and Alex delights as Boo and Stacy start complaining to him about how annoying Boo is. As annoying as he is, he doesn't have a fan-club on the jury, like ALex does, though. And wouldn't Boo make an ideal Final-Two partner? Ala Clay?

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

It's one of those several-part races, where on person wins the first leg, in this case, Boo. I didn't take very good notes during this part, so four months later, I can't tell you what exactly Boo did to move onto the Final, but anyway, the next two people have to dig up steps to place on this tower kinda thing and race to the top. Alex makes this big show of how desperate he is, yawn. Jeff chides Cassandra for how meek and ineffective her strategy is. Dreamz digs up all the steps and finishes the leg before anyone else can find a single step. Cassandra quits, and much to Yau and Earl's consternation, ALex moves on to the Final race against Boo and Dreamz. Fear not, gentlemen, becaus3e Alex is so determined to win "ninja style" that he decide not to USE the steps, thinking he can scale the tower without them and go down in Survivor History as the most-awesomest competitor ever. Instead, Boo wins. And in the interest of fairness, I do have to mention that Boo may be dumb and weird and annoying, but he's got a mighty-fine build.

LAST-MINUTE CHANGE OF MIND?

Yau and Earl are thrilled and feeling safe and pretty now that Alex is surely going home. Yau even speculates that he doesn't even NEED his Immunity Idol. Alex tells us that he simple refuses to beg for his life, that he'll let others come to him. Cassandra comes to him to tell him she's proud of the game he's played, and he starts rambling on about he wants his CHILDREN (that he doesn't have) to be proud of him one day, groan, and then he tells her this would be the perfect chance to take out Yau. He warns her that Yau WILL take out Dreamz and she does a lot of "Mmmm-hmmming," as is her custom, but soon you can see that Cass's wheels are turning, and the idea of a power-play HERE, that could take out Yau, is most-appealing. Then Alex lobbies Earl and Dreamz to dump Yau. Yau sees all the discussions being held outta his earshot, and starts to fret. Earl scoffs at ALex's idea and tells him, "I'd rather vote your ass out now." He's quite certain that Cassandra and Dreamz aren't taking Alex seriously at all, but he's grossly overestimated their loyalty to him, because Dreamz and Cass are VERY interested in getting rid of the likable Yau, not just because the jury is sure to give him the million, but because he's so close to Earl. Stacy is easily swayed against Yau, "I'm a follower," she shrugs. Of course, Dreamz is flip-flopping this way and that, and then Cassandra is concerned with how the jury is gonna look at such a betrayal. Honestly, Cassandra, the jury would probably be more impressed by anything resembling game-play, at this point. Things are looking bad for Yau, who has to play the Idol in advance if he's to save himself...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Mookie arrives, looking clean, but still full of bitterness and rage. Alex starts pontificating, "You know ME, Jeff, I'm gonna FIGHT, until the very end! Viva Alex!" Yau tells Jeff that he's not worried about going home tonight, as he trusts his alliance. Then Dreamz starts babbling, "It's definitely a possibility that Alex could sway three people over to his side, and secretly vote out Yau, Jeff." Alex starts choking on the words, "Dreamz, shut the hell up!" that are struggling to escape his angry lips. Yau wonders if this is all a ploy to flush the Idol out. ALex then insults everyone by saying, "I'm really surprised at how confident they all are, you have to think ahead!" Yau chooses not to play the Idol, and the flip-floppers decide not to keep insufferable Alex over good-guy Yau. Like ALex, Jeff makes a BIG deal about how this alliance will now have to start turning against itself, but it's not really a big deal, since this alliance was ALWAYS a very pragmatic alliance to get rid of Ed, Mookie and Alex.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Alex, who is originally from Colombia, graduated from Harvard Law and was also on that Ivy League school's boxing team. His exit speech is very much a PSA to the Youth of the World, he talks about giving it 110% (groan) and following your dreams. That's d-r-e-a-m-s, not D-r-e-a-m-z. Following your Dreamz will get you stabbed in the back, as Alex can surely tell you.

ALex is eliminated in 7th place. In Borneo, laid-back Gervase missed the birth of one of kids to finish in 7th place. In the Outback, a black lawyer and model named Nick finished in 7th place, and I'm tired of trying to convince you all of this fact. I don't care if nobody remembers him, it's the truth! In Africa, weird Frank was shot down and in the Marquesas, Tammy who I thought was gonna be so interesting and turned out so boring and bitter exited here. In Thailand, smug Penny and pretty said bye-bye and it was no surprise while in the Amazon, smug and pretty ALex said bye-bye and it was a HUGE surprise. In the Pearl Islands, Tijuana's game went South and in Vanuatu, LeAnn was ousted just as she turned the corner from rootable to irritating (under Ami's sway). In Palau, tough and entertaining Steph finally got snuffed out, but she returned in Guatemala to help snuff out Gary "Don't call me Gary Hogeboom" Hogeboom. On Exile Island, Bruce's digestive system did him in before his crappy teammates could and last season, it was finally lights out for the cagey and entertaining Jonathan.

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 14.11 "They'll be lucky if they get fed!"

2007-05-12T15:57:00.000-07:00

Mookie and Alex know they're doomed, and they know Dreamz sold them out. Dreamz, being Dreamz, has the audacity to whine to the camera about how his alliance didn't tell him the plan, "I'm not a liar," he says with a straight face to Stacy. She spins well, and Dreamz buys it when she tells him they were all afraid that the other Horsemen were giving him, "like, misinformation," and then Dreamz is happy again, and back onboard with the alliance...except, he still wants to be in an alliance with Alex...Oy! Earl is reasonably confident that he's safe for a bit, with an alliance of 6 and "two on death row." Stacy sneers, "They're outnumbered and they KNOW it and we don't have to stress. They'll be lucky if they get FED." Stacy's on pretty shaky ground herself, I don't know why she's so cocky. The camera fades to the credits on her green, night-visioned and evil face...

DREAMZ A LITTLE DREAMZ

The next day, Alex and Mookie are riled up about Dreamz, and how he hasn't even had the decency to come up to them and own up to having played them. Then, when he DOES come up to them, it's to ask in his little boy voice "How come you guys don't want to play with me no more?" Alex and Mookie are all, "Uh, DUH!" and then Dreamz claims that he was just as surprised as they were about what happened, "We all got outwitted last night," he says earnestly...or deceptivly, I actually have no idea. Alex and Mookie spell out the math for Dreamz: he didn't vote for Cassandra, he voted for Ed---or Mookie, so he's no longer one of the Horsemen. Because he tried to vote out a Horseman. Dreamz owns up to voting against Mookie, but still claims he's on their side. Later, he tells us that he's just "Telling a story" so they'll still give him the million dollars, which is stupid because in Survivor, people--especially men, would rather you own up to betraying them ("outplaying") then continue to lie to them about how much integrity you have. Alex and Mookie seem calm about Dreamz hanging out with them, maybe because they think he's not responsible for his actions.

REWARD CHALLENGE

The tribes are divided into two teams, where one person on each shoots balls out into a muddy field and everyone else tries to catch them (and you score a point even if you catch the other team's ball). This is another "Survivor:Thailand" special, and you wonder if the production staff was sitting around one day and said to themselves, "Hey, the contestants sucked in Thailand, but those challenges were awesome, dang it!" The winners get to take part in a commercial for Olay body products as they go to a spa and rhapsodize about how great it is not to stink. Yau, Boo, Cass and Mookie against Stacy, Dreamz, Earl and Alex. At one point, Cassandra tries to strangle Earl and when Earl complains, Jeff yawns like a bad parent, "It's up to YOU guys how physical it gets." Hokay. I seem to recall Dumbb Robb being DQ's for trying to strangle Clay (who I would have loved to see killed on national TV, actually) in a different Thailand Challenge. I mean, is Jeff serious? Someone could just gouge someone's eye or kick them in the privates and it'd be okay? fortunately, no one dies to do Jeff's indifference, though Boo feels his knee pop and is momentarily rolling around the mud in agony...and then it goes away. I don't know what that was about. Jeff seems particularly annoyed by the whole thing, "Boo, the whole "danger-prone Boo" arc was over once you guys merged and we didn't have to stretch to make the rich, pampered tribe look interesting, so either suck it up, or let's call the Med Evac in here and get you out of the game, those are your choices!" Boo goes back to playing the game. Type-A Mookie keeps yelling at Yau for not getting the ball to him and the other team's all-star Dreamz pretty much wins the game single-handedly for his group. They send Boo, who's been living the good life since he got out here, to Exile, where he reads the first clue about the re-hidden Idol and doesn't do anything interesting.

FROM THE FOUR HORSEMEN TO THE MY LITTLE PONIES

Alex, Earl, Stacy and Dreamz take a seaplane to the spa, where they get to revel in taking a shower with those fine, wonderful Olay products. "Being clean is preferable to being dirty! Food is awesome! Rewards are cool!" At dinner, Alex tries to worm his way in by boasting about what a good competitor he is, "I always congratulate others and I minimize showboating," he insists, while Stacy shakes her head as if to say, "Dude, it is soooo not happening!" Then Alex pompously describes himself as "...a wounded lion, backed up against the wall, who's now super-dangerous. Rahhhhh!" Earl refuses to tell him whether the plan is to vote out him or Mookie first, so Alex lies and says, "I think Mookie is ready to go." Punk.

The next day, they return to camp smelling of strawberries and everyone's thrilled just to stand next to them, even the bitter ball of rage, Mookie. He then chats up Dreamz, the human sieve, who's more than happy to prattle on about how he thinks Yau has the other Idol because he's always in camp. So, when Yau is off fishing and everyone else is doing whatever you do when you don't have TV's and Ipods, Alex and Mookie search Yau's bag and FIND his Idol! But they don't steal it...which I truly don't understand, I mean, if you're gonna be as sleazy as to rifle through someone's belongings, at least get Immunity out of it. I mean, there's not a rule saying you can't steal it, is there?? Anyway, they instead go off to cook up a ridiculous scheme to "divide" the alliance of six by sowing seeds of discord by revealing that Yau has been hiding the fact that he has the Immunity Idol even though any reasonable person WOULD keep their ownership of the Idol a secret from most people. ANd where do they hatch this plan? Right next to a thicket where Stacy and Cassandra had been eating pineapple and trying to figure out if an All-Girl Alliance is relevant when there's only two girls left on a tribe of eight people. So ALex and Mookie go on and on, giggling about how brilliant and cool they are, and spinning scenarios where Yau is gonna deny he has the Idol, and then they'll reveal it and everyone will then be on their side and start hating and not trusting each other, while Cass and Stacy try to listen in. Then, Mookie and Alex insist that at the very least, they'll be going out "Scarface-style," which to certain men is like, the epitome of manliness, I suppose. The funniest part, to me, was the fact that ALex and Mookie keep talking like divididng this tribe is such a feat to be accomplished, when really, all six people on would freely admit that it's just a loose affiliation of competitors that would all benefit from three strong athletic guys like Ed, Alex and Mookie being gone. Then Stacy steps on a twig, right out of a bad movie, and the boys realize--or assume, as it turns out, that they've been overheard, so they RACE to confront Yau before the girls can reveal their BRILLIANT plan to the others! It's all very comical, since Stacy and Cass weren't close enough to hear as much as the boys think they did. So, they find Yau-man and tell him the jig is up, "Do you want to tell everyone you have the Idol, or do WE!" Alex sneers. Yau absorbs the shock quickly, and is probably thrilled and relieved that the brain trust didn't actually take the Idol when they had the chance, so he shrugs and tells them to do whatever they have to do. Alex pouts, "Fine, then we WILL!" Yau's lack of fear or denial has taken the winds out of their spiteful sails.

Yau goes back to camp and tells everyone that he did indeed find the Idol and that Alex and Mookie searched his bag and are now trying to blackmail him with the information, and no one seems to even care about the fact that Yau has Immunity, "They went through your THINGS!?" everyone says, aghast at the sneakiness and the attempt at bullying Yau. Elsewhere, Alex and Mookie continue to cluelessly giggle about what they still reckon to be awesome gameplay on their parts. Oy!

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Boo returns from Exile and Jeff reveals a giant game of Battleship, though they don't call it that because today was sponsored by Olay Awesomest Bodywash in the History of Time, not Battleship. Everyone picks their co-ordinates secretly, and then calls in strikes to try and hit the others. Fun! Not so fun for Dreamz and Cassandra, who keep hitting their own ships instead of the others. Eventually, Stacy winds up the winner, which is fine with her alliance, who now must decide who to get rid of, Mookie or Alex. Alex and Mookie both pat themselves on the back for how brutally honest they're gonna be at Tribal Council, and Alex intones, "If I'm goin' down, I'm bringing hell with me." Whatever, dude. The others are at odds with who should go. Earl thinks Mookie has checked out of the game and is less of a threat than Alex, but Dreamz thinks Alex is better around camp, and plus, Dreamz is confident in his ability to beat Alex at anything physical. Earl points out that since freaking Stacy won Immunity today, they need to consider that luck will play a part in future challenges, not just muscle. Boo tells the Loose Affiliation about what the clue said about the new Idol, and since it said it was somewhere on THEIR Island, he thinks they need to consider that Alex or Mookie could have it. Since they don't have a clue (literally and figurativly), Earl thinks that's impossible. Still, the others are swayed, and like Boo's (pretty clever) plan to split their votes evenly between Alex and Mookie, so that even if one of them plays the Idol, it'll still mean the second-place finisher will be the other. Earl is nervous it'll backfire...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Alex starts out by proclaiming that the "rats and snakes" came out at the last Tribal Council, which is such a bunch of crybaby bullcrap. He and his group tried a big plan, and so did the other group, and Alex's group lost. The only betrayal that happened was Dreamz, the others just played the game better. Then he clams that the Reward Challenge revealed "How people play games," ooooh, but Mookie was jerk during that game, and did anyone really cheat? No. What's he raving about? You can see why he's a lawyer though, because he looooves hearing himself talk. Mookie's attempt at going "Scarface" is to whine about being an outsider now, boo-hoo, after being "tricked" by the other side. Is he serious? They tried to trick the other side too, this is SURVIVOR!! Then, Mookie drops the bombshell about how he and Alex "found" The Immunity Idol in Yau's bag and just like the others back at camp, Jeff skips right past the fact that Yau has the Idol and laughs, "You guys are calling people rats and snakes and you're going through people's personal things? That's about as ratty and snakey as it gets--that's something Jerri would do!" earl smiles as the jury glowers at Alex and Mookie. Yau shrugs off the significance of his having the Idol, saying it won't matter the next two votes, because the Loose Affiliation is agreed on getting rid of Mookie and Alex, who sit their meekly, guns a-holstered as the tide turns fully against them. THen Dreamz, predictably, talks to much about how crazy it will be when those two are gone and he has to figure out again where he stands. Alex makes one last pompous promise, about how the remaining six will have to deal with the Karmic fall-out for their actions, how they will be held "accountable" for what they've done to get to the Final three or two or whatever. Yeah, no Duh. You still have to vote for someone, Alex. You still have to give SOMEONE the million dollars. Stacy exchanges well-deserved eye-rolls with Cassandra and Boo and it's on to the vote. The Loose Affilliation sticks to it's plan and gives Alex and Mookie three votes each, while mookie votes against Boo. Alex, however, ensures his continued place in the game by casting his vote for Mookie, which irritates Earl. In his exit, Mookie wishes he was still in the game so he could continue to make everyone miserable. What an unpleasant person you are, Mookie, bye!

Mookie is eliminated in 8th place, where weepy Jenna left us in season One. In the Outback, America rejoiced when Evil Jerri was backstabbed by Colby, Keith and eventual winner, Tina. In Africa, the snotty Brandon went home and in the Marquesas, we were glad to be rid of the creepy yet uninteresting Zoe. In Thailand, Ken the boring NYC cop was eliminated and in the Amazon, bossy Deena sealed her own fate when she tried to betray Alex instead of sticking to her alliance's game plan. In the Pearl Islands, our beloved Rupert was taken from us by jerks like Lil and Johnny Fairplay, ugh! In Vanuatu, Chad the guy with one leg was voted out by the women's regime while in Palau, Jeff held Tribal Council hostage until he talked Janu into quitting so he could keep plucky Steph around another week. In Guatemala, crazy Jamie plotted himself out of the game and in Exile Island, sweet Sally was a victim of the numbers game. Last season, conniving Candice was sent packing at this point.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

I didn't find much of interest on Mookie's bio, though I was a little shocked to find out he's a professing Christian--find some joy, Mookie, finds some joy. He's of course a former frat boy, and I was impressed that he listened three favorite books, since most people this season don't list any.

FINALE PREDICTIONS

I didn't make it, but my other reviews will follow. I always say that, hopefully it'll be true this time :D I hope they don't do it like they did last year where the vote can be split three ways though that's probably. I feel like if Earl and Yau go head to hear, Yau wins, and Earl or Yau against anyone else wins to. Cassandra doesn't stand a chance. I'm curious about Boo--the others don't seem to care for him, but I imagine if he made it to the Finals, he could beat say Casandra and Dreamz? maybe? Dreamz can make a case for playing a brilliant game, and if he cops to his lies instead of claiming to have played with integrity, he's got a shot. Hopefully, Earl or Yau comes out on top.

Peace Out! :D
Christine

Survivor 14.10 "I'll lick your feet, man!"

2007-05-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

Hokay, I'm not gonna make it, we know this, but maybe, just maybe, I can catch up before the finale on Sunday--that's right, SUNDAY!

REALITY ROUNDUP

I was so happy that Charla and Mirna lost The Amazing Race that it almost made up for whatstherefaces winning, the couple. I was hoping the beauty queens would win. But I've got this nagging feeling that we haven't seen the last of Charla and Mirna. I'll bet CBS finds away to foist them on us somehow. As for American Idol, I'm thrilled with the Final Four, still rooting hard for Melinda. But enough about that, onto SURVIVOR

CH-CH-CHANGES

I hate when I reuse a chapter heading, and I know I've used that before but, I'm in a hurry here. Everyone's reeling from Michelle's ouster. Earl is sorry to lose his loyal friend, while Mookie is furious at Dreamz for keeping Stacy, who he fears will be a more attractive Finalist than either Mookie or Dreamz. Also, Mookie has to pretend that he misunderstood what Alex wanted him to do, since he went against Alex to cast a vote for Stacy. Alex is also angry that Mookie doesn't want to pass the Idol from Horseman to Horseman. He suspects, rightly, that Mookie is playing his own game (but why shouldn't he?). Boo approaches Earl about replacing Michelle against Ed, Alex and Mookie. Both sides think that Dreamz is loyal to them, probably because I think Dreamz IS loyal to both sides at the same time, because that's possible in DREAMZLAND. Earl isn't thrilled with having Boo onboard but he likens the game at this point to a chess match where, "...you've lost good pieces."

THE VERY REVEALING REWARD CHALLENGE (AKA EVERYBODY HATES STACY)

For the Reward Challenge, Bula Bula takes part in a SURVIVOR favorite: the very revealing quiz. This is the game where everyone privately answers a series of questions, and then publicly they have to guess what answer was given by the majority of the group. You may remember in Exile Island. Shane throwing a hissy over being dubbed "The person who wrongly believes they're controlling the game," and Courtney having a meltdown for being called...well, everything else that was bad. THis time around, the designated punching bag is Mean Stacy, who handles it all with a bemused smile. Probably because truly doesn't care what this bunch of "losers" thinks about her or anything else. When you get a question right, you get to smash somebody's something, and they only have three somethings--you all know the drill. I won't get into who knocks who out because there aren't any surprises. The winner gets an overnight stay at a spa. Earl is voted the person who most would trust with their life, while Boo gets called the least likely to be invited to a family dinner, which seems to hurt the big guy, awww. Alex is singled out for his "sense of entitlement," while Yau-man is the majority's "stranded on (another?) desert island companion. Stacy is voted as the person no one wants to see after the game, and she gives everyone a "I don't' want to see you all, either," shrug and smile. Dreamz is voted smelliest while Alex gets the dreaded "Who mistakenly believes they're controlling this game" tag, but he laughs it off because he's sure he's not mistaken. Stacy is called out for "Wasting This Great Opportunity," and Yau is dubbed "Something I Can't Read Because I Have Really Bad Handwriting." I'm sure it was a good thing, everyone likes Yau. Cassandra winds up winning the reward. She sends Mookie to Exile and decides to wait until they get back to camp to pick three people to go with her. Edgardo does nothing for his case by sputtering, "I'll lick your feet, man!"

BACK AND FORTH

Mookie is so bent about being Exiled, he decides to make getting rid of Cassandra his number one priority, even though he could certainly beat her in 9 out of 10 Individual Immunity Challenges, probably. He's taking it waaaaay to seriously, ranting about how Cass "doesn't know who she's dealing with," blah blah blah. Dude, suck it UP, Earl has been in Exile like 18 times, he never threw a fit. Mookie decides that Earl had to have found the other Idol...but damn that Cassandra! Gah! She must pay! Mookie's not very good at this game, if he cant' try and focus on knocking out Earl and Yau. Back at camp, Cassandra decided to reward Yau for all his hard work, and then she takes Boo and Dreamz for strategic purposes, which is smart. Boo could use some reassurance, and Dreamz needs to be seduced over to their side--I was happy to see that Cass knows how wishy washy Dreamz is. She likes him--but she doesn't trust him, which is wise. Then we have the usual,"Food Rules!" stuff before Yau goes about trying to, as he so colorfully puts it, "brainwash" Dreamz. They tell him they want Alex out of the game, and Dreamz tells us that his heart is telling him to dump the Horsemen and go with this group...which lasts a few hours. Once he returns to camp, he's quick to seek out Alex and tell him that the other alliance is gunning for him. When Alex brings up his concerns about Mookie's priorities, Dreamz makes a very humorous analogy, likening Mookie's relationship to the Immunity Idol to Gollum's devotion to his "precious" ring. THEN, when Earl tells Dreamz he doesn't trust him, Dreamz reveals that Alex, Mookie and Ed are in joint custody of the Immunity Idol (Dreamz doesn't know about Yau's). It's really fun trying to figure out what the hell Dreamz is thinking...like I said before, I think he's sincere in the moment of telling people he's on their side, but he's really only on his side. He doesn't seem to fear a consequence from playing both sides, and indeed, so far he's benefited...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Jeff retires the team Immunity Idol and reveals the HUGE Immunity Necklace. The challenge is one of strength, will and perhaps security--everyone stands in a little stall with their feet resting on small pegs on either side. You can't use your hips, back or butt to brace yourself, just your hands and arms. It's brutal, but even the first person out, Cassandra, lasts a decent 22 minutes. Then Edgardo's out at 30, Earl's out, Mookie's out at 40. The foothold is made smaller at one hour in, and Alex and Dreamz soon exit, followed by a surprisingly tough Stacy. Finally, at like, an hour and a half, Boo falls and Yau wins Immunity and chirps, "I could stay another hour," which would be pretty braggy coming from anyone else, but not so much Yau, he's just THAT lovable.

THE FOUR HORSEMEN'S APOCALYPSE

Well now, it's scramble for power. THe Horsemen settle on Cassandra, and not just because of Mookie's petty grudge but because she's tight with Earl and Yau but is almost certainly not going to be in possession of the Immunity Idol they assume Earl of possibly Yau has. Dreamz is wary of Stacy and, ironically, warns Alex and Mookie not to trust her, even though he's the one that's gonna spell their doom. He is right about Stacy though, who seems to have a soft spot for Yau. When he tells her to vote against Alex instead of Earl, she listens. When Alex comes to her to make sure she's on board with HIS plan, she starts babbling about being distracted and having a headache. Alex wonders what that could mean and Ed correctly decodes, "That means she's not with us, dude!" But the Horsemen THINK they know exactly who's gonna be targeted, because Dreamz told them it was definatley ALex. So Ed and Alex lobby mookie to pass the Idol to Alex so they can use it at Tribal Council and blindside their enemies. It's actually an awesome idea, except...it depends on slippery Dreamz, who quickly runs to Earl and company and tells them that ALex is now in possession of the Idol! The Six decide to vote out Mookie, but after Dreamz leaves, Stacy comes up with an anti-Dreamz insurance plan and suggests they all vote out Edgardo without telling Dreamz, in case Dreamz has an outbreak of complete honesty and warns Mookie to get the Idol back. I hate to say this, but, kudos Stacy. Alex can't help but boast that his use of the Immunity Idol will go down in Survivor History as one of the game's greatest Survivor moves of ALL TIME. Well, it IS memorable, I'll give him that! :D

TRIBAL COUNCIL

THe jury is brought in, and Michelle and Earl exchange warm smiles. The questions with Jeff are actually pretty boring because everyone is so intent on keeping their plans a secret, no one really says to much--except Dreamz, who of course rambles on about swing voters and changing alliances and how CRAZY this vote is gonna be...in a way that probably makes everyone worry a little about what the heck he's done or is about to do. The votes are cast and ALex asks if anyone wants to play an Idol and Alex struts up to Jeff, very pleased with himself, and Earl can't hold in his great big gotcha smile, though ALex, Ed and Mookie are too pleased with their own awesomeness to notice that no one seems all that stunned or upset by the move. Jeff reads Dreamz' vote for Mookie and then the three votes for Cassandra, the three votes that the Three Horsemen think is gonna be enough because the next 6 votes are all gonna be voided votes for Alex...right? I will now use emoticons to show how quickly Alex and Ed's expressions changed when Edgardo's name game up :D to :/ in like, half a second! It was sooo sweet! It registers swiftly: they have been outwitted and outplayed. Ed is voted out and Mookie and ALex have no Idol and Dreamz sold them out. Jeff informs the gang that the Idol Alex misplayed will be rehidden and new clues will be offered at Exile Island.

Alex leaves the game in 9th place, which used to be the first juror spot. In Season One, witty Greg, inventor of the coconut phone finished here, while in the Outback, tough chick Alicia's finger-waving days were cut short. In Africa, snarky Kelly was the victim of a paranoid Lex, who mistakenly blamed her for casting a meaningless vote against him (T-Bird did it). In the Marquesas, arrogant Johnny Pots and Pans cried his way into obscurity when the underdogs outwitted the Smugglies in a truly awesome power play, whereas buxom Erin was yet another forgettable also-ran from Survivor's worst season, Thailand. In the Amazon, we lost Dave the clueless rocket scientist and in the Pearl Islands we saw the last of Ryan-O, aka Rhino, aka Friend to Pelicans. In Vanuatu, a bitter Sarge was betrayed by runner-up Twila and in Palau, Coby pretty much sabotaged himself by becoming a petulant motormouth, cutting ahead of Steph in the ouster line. In Guatemala, sweet Bobby Jon was ALSO the victim of the Immunity Idol--Gary the allegedly famous football player found the Idol, played it BEFORE the votes were cast, as used to be the protocol, and Bobby Jon was next to go. In Exile, Austin the writer who was a nice enough guy when he wasn't comparing himself to Jesus went home and last season, the entertaining, though hard to understand Nathan was betrayed by shifty Jonathan, after stupidly saving his butt a few times.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Edgardo played on his native Puerto Rico's David Cup tennis team--pretty impressive.

Next up...It's a race against time...for ME! :D Peace Out!

Christine

Survivor 14.9 "She's got to GO!"

2007-05-06T18:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm...four weeks behind? Yikes, best to make this as brief as possible, while still not missing the crucial twists and turns in what is (finally) becoming a pretty good season. Now that they've gone and started, you know, playing SURVIVOR...

HONEYMOON'S OVER...

The episode starts in the last hours of the pre-merge game at the New Zoo Ravu. Mookie is telling Edgardo and Alex that they share ownership of the Idol, but he's telling us that's not really how he feels--he thinks the Idol belongs to him. Alex maintains that he and the others are protecting Dreamz from himself by not telling him about the Idol. Back at Moto, the "plinka plinka "this is the good life" music cuts out suddenly as tree mail orders everyone to go to Exile with nothing except their flint and their personal items--no rewards. Michelle and Earl share a private laugh over a quaking with fear Cassandra, Boo and Stacy, who, as Michelle puts it, have been living on "Honeymoon Fiji" for too long. Back at Ravu, Alex gathers the "Four Horsemen," so he can give one of his pompous speeches about loyalty and honor before they plot about who they can bring over to their side. Alex almost sounds like he means it when he says, "Mookie and Dreamz, you guys gave up Rocky and me and Ed gave up Lisi--not because they're the two most obnoxious people to ever breathe air on this planet, but NO, TOTALLY to prove our loyalty to one another!" ALex really thinks of himself as deep, but please...naming your alliance? Soooo "Big Brother."

Once on Exile, everyone pretends to be happy and unaligned, but Shii-Ann's ouster in Thailand's infamous non-Merge Merge looms large, so everyone's playing it safe. Eventually, they find new purple buffs and news that they will be living at "Old Moto" like they did in the very beginning. Mookie starts fantasizing about finally living in luxury, Boo, Stacy and Cass sigh with relief that they will never actually have to play Survivor, and Alex--you know, the "Count of Monte Christo" quoting guy, who likens himself to a guy who was hung from chains in a dungeon for years--starts rhapsodizing about that big, comfy, non-Survivor bed and how great it will be to brush his perfect, white, teeth. Hee Hee Hee...experienced Survivor viewers, who have seen one tribe simply sent to the other tribe with the note and the buffs, were wondering..."But, why send them all out to Exile, and then tell them to Merge at Moto?" Bwah ha ha ha! Because Moto has been gutted of it's finery by the industrious CBS Production Staff! Much wailing goes on about how that Mean Ol' Mark Burnett is gonna make them play Survivor!

BULA BULA

The new tribe names itself "Bula Bula," which is Fijian for "Hello." It is TRULY refreshing for a team to give itself a native name, rather than do the lazy "one have of your name, one half of mine" thing they've been doing since, like, forever. Stacy and Michelle chat and play dumb about one another's alliances whilst painting a TRULY kick-ass flag. Stacy predicts that the guys will gun for each other, allowing them to skate thru pretty far. Elsewhere, Boo is uncomfortable with the Merge, and fears he needs to keep his head down and play "the little helper." Then he adds, "Then, when it's time, I'll resume the leadership role again." America frowns in confused unison, "Huh?" Then Mookie sidles up to Cass and Yau-man, who rather stupidly give him all sorts of information. Everyone is eager to get Boo, coincidently (?) the only white person left in the game, out. Mookie, Yau and Cass all agree that Stacy should be next and then Alex. Mookie pretends to agree about the Alex part, while meanwhile, Stacy rejoins with Alex and they too plot to oust Big Boo first. A disgusting shot of ants carrying a dead spider carcass is shown to symbolize Boo's eminent demise, I guess. Alex boasts that the Four Horsemen are controlling the game but just then, mookie decides to tell Dreamz that they are in joint possession of the Immunity Idol which prompts a furious Alex to snap, "DOn't tell Cassandra!" Dreamz says he won't, but then tells us that his loyalty is wavering, now that he knows how little Alex trusts him (it's all very "which came first, the chicken or the egg", and the answer probably depends on how much you like the capricious Dreamz). Later, ed chews out Mookie for telling Dreamz, and vows to kill Mookie if Dreamz talks. ALex is confident that once Boo is gone, Stacy will be loyal to the Horsemen and they'll have a 5-4 majority rule over the game at that point. But Mookie isn't thrilled with Stacy's addition to the picture, realizing that she's loyal to ALEX, and ALex may very well take her the Final Three rather than he or Dreamz. Why? Because, in a game where Immunity Challenges often come down to physical prowess, it's hella stupid to be in an alliance with a bunch of really athletic dudes. He and Dreamz appear to be on the same page about wanting Stacy out. Dreamz has not forgotten how badly Stacy treated him and Cassandra when they were on the outs at Moto and he's not buying her new "nice" act, "She's got to GO!" he insists. Meanwhile, Earl talks strategy to the inscrutable Cassandra, who just seems to "mmmm-hhmmmmm" a lot. Seriously, what's her deal?

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Well, never count your chickens before they get eaten by a Hila Monster. When the 10 players arrive at the challenge, Jeff makes them draw stones which separate them into two teams. Five players will have Immunity, five players won't. The teams breakdown like this: Edgardo, Cassandra, Boo, Yau and Earl versus Stacy, Mookie, Dreamz, Alex and Mookie. The challenge itself has the teams in boats, paddling out to buoys and using a pole to get a bag of...sigh...puzzle pieces... off of it. Then they have to put the puzzle together. Pretty sure it was the very first Immunity challenge in Thailand. It's pretty close (Boo is surprisingly helpful to his team) and eventually, the losers turn out to be Alex's group. Then they have to read a little scroll that reveals another twist: The winning five will go back to camp while the losers, with no opportunity to stratagize, will have to vote someone out. Can I just say that I've been calling for the "no chance for discussion" immediate vote for like, years?

Back at camp, Boo cooks up the steak and veggies they won and is thankful to be still in the game--he knows his goose was what was on the menu to be cooked. Ed worries for Alex while Earl frets about Michelle, but everyone plays dumb about what they think is gonna happen...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Stacy smiles as Rocky and Lisi strut in, "They're so blue collar!" Everyone's pretty cagey about their alliances as Jeff tries to pry out something interesting from the group and indeed, Alex looks pretty pissed when Dreamz starts carping about Stacy. Then, Michelle rather innocently states that she hasn't really talked to Dreamz and doesn't know him well, which spooks Dreamz into wanting her gone instead of Stacy. When Michelle adds that she thinks Alex is a huge threat in the game, Alex makes his intentions clear by answering Jeff's question about who he's gonna vote for, "I don't have any reason to vote for Stacy," etc., and making it clear that Michelle is the only person he DOES have a reason to vote for. Dreamz abandons Mookie's play for Stacy, and Michelle is voted out 3-2. Once again, an Asian girl gets screwed by the not-quite-a-Merge. Coincidence? Probably. Personally, I was bummed. We lost the girl that made fire with her glasses, and kept Mean Stacy.

Michelle finishes in 10th Place, where we lost the very likable and capable Gretchen in Season One when Richard and company hatched their first power play. In the Outback, smug Jeff went bye-bye after tying with Colby--back in the days when "previous votes" cast against you were tie-breakers. In Africa, Clarence Black of Beancangate fame was booted by his alliance when he outlived his value and in the Marquesas, Boston Rob aka Chachi wore out his welcome like, what, five years ago, and we're still not rid of the guy! In Thailand, Shii Ann turned on her creepy tribe to quickly, learning too late that the Merge had not occurred. Things get tricky with the Pearl Islands because they voted out wimpy Osten and mean Shawn the same week they brought back whiny Lil and arrogant Burton, so there was no net loss--they the next week we lost Coach Andrew, who was enamored with that 120% no one was able to give. For statistical purposes, let's call Osten, Shawn and Andrew joint 10th place finishers. In Vanuatu, Crazy Rory was eliminated before he could set fire to the ladies camp, as he'd vowed and in Palau, we had to say a sad farewell to sweet Bobby Jon when Steph beat him at a fire building contest. In Guatemala, it was also a shame to bid adieu to Farmer Brandon and in Exile Island, Cute Nick left our TV screens. Last season, Jenny was the second victim of a double elimination and the first 10th place finisher to serve on a Jury.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Michelle is an avid rock climber and 80's music devotee, but I loved this quote from her bio: she's "not a big fan of cardio workouts, but does it anyway because she believes it builds character and prevents heart disease." Good for you, Michelle!

One down, three to go before Thursday. Probably not gonna happen, but we'll see!

Peace Out! :D

Christine

Survivor 14.8 "I throw my hands up in the air, as if to say, "What the Hell?"

2007-04-12T18:50:00.000-07:00

REALITY ROUNDUP

Haley, aka Nikki Cox meets Kathie Lee Gifford, is finally gone, but Sanjaya continues to dodge the bottom three. Am I...wrong for hoping Chris Richardson goes before Sanjaya? He's actually less entertaining to me...

THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE TURTLE

Morning at the New Zoo Ravu--by the way, I'm saddened that I received a couple e-mails from people who don't get why I call them that. When I was a toddler, "The New Zoo Revue" was the show to watch. Call me, I can still sing the theme song! :D Anywhoo, Alex and Ed are feeling pretty safe, seeing as how they have an "alliance" wink-wink, with everyone in camp. Then, while Dreamz and Lisi sleep soundly, Alex, Ed and mookie use the information that Lisi stupidly handed over to them to dig up this camp's Immunity Turtle. They cheer silently and then creep off to make a plan. It kinda reminded me of a slumber party, where the mean girls plot against the less popular ones. This may not make sense to guys, but when you are a girl, you spend a great deal of your childhood being friends with girls you don't like and who don't like you--painful yes, but a good preparation for life, work and perhaps, SURVIVOR. Anyway, Alex (who just gets better and better looking as the show goes on) raves, "This is gonna change the game for us!" And the idea of two, count 'em, two Immunity Idols being in play at the same time, is pretty exciting. The men quickly agree not to tell Lisi and Dreamz. Ed explains, "She's unstable...she's not a smart person...she'll use it the wrong way." Waaaaay ahead of ya, Eddie. I should mention to those of you that don't watch that Edgardo has a rather heavy Puerto Rican accent, but every time I tried to recreate it, it came off to me like "That's a spicy-uh meatball!" TV-sterotype Italian. Alex fears that if they tell Dreamz, he'll wind up telling Cassandra, "He might have a flare-up of complete honesty," he worries. So the three men agree that the Idol will be shared between them, and used whenever any of them is in trouble, but alone, Mookie tells us that the Idol is in his pocket, and that it's HIS. Mookie then returns to camp and starts fussing with the disturbed ground, trying to cover his tracks, when Lisi wakes up and tells him that she too thinks the Idol is RIGHT THERE. So Mookie plays along and "helps" Lisi dig for the now-vacant Idol. Then in a priceless confessional, Lisi mocks the very IDEA of Mookie trying to find the Idol right under her nose: She smirks, "Dude, you have to get up early in the morning to fool ME." Honey, they DID.

DANCING WITH THE SURVIVORS

Tree Mail arrives in human form this time, as local Fijians arrive to teach each tribe how to perform a dance--the tribe's will square off in a dance-off! How fun and different and non-obstacley and un-puzzle piecey! Yau-man frets because he has no rythem, but Earl is confident, "I got the moves, I can pull out the Michael Jackson moves...Boo is over there doing the white-guy thing." Cut to Boo doing that angry amn kind of intense dancing that some white guys do indeed do...maybe to assert their masculinity? I dunno. At Ravu, Alex is determined that Moto win, "We've lost to a bunch of girls and old guys," he grumps. See, it's comments like these that take the handsome, intelligent and fairly decent Alex out of the Ethan-Yul-Colby level of awesome Survivor guys. He's just not quite as secure or commanding. Anyway, Lisi isn't remotely interested in this, sighing, "These guys are so in to the challenges, like, what, they're importnat or something? Who cares?" Lisi, I have to ask...have you ever watched this show?? And even if you haven't, could you consider that being allowed to perform a native Fijian war dance in flipping Fiji is a once-in-a-lifetime experience to enjoy and make the most out of? Dreamz paints his face, excited for the upcoming task and when Lisi raises her eyebrows at him he says sincerely, "We are mighty Fijian Warriors." "Whatever," she snorts. Any guesses how this is gonna go? :D

The tribes arrive at a nearby village, and the locals look eager to watch the show. Each tribe is decked out in grass skirts and face paint. "Beat It" really should be playing as the dancer-tribes chekc one another out. No one on Moto seems all that broken up over losing Rocky--Michelle even smiles a bit. The tribes are informed that they will be judged on their technical performance of the dance, their look, and their spirit, in order to win a feast with the villagers. We have to wait to find out if the passionate Dreamz can cancel out the cynical Lisi becaue Moto goes first. The beatless Yau-man sits out. The music starts, and if this Fijian jam is available for download, I want it cuz it rocks! Everything goes well for Moto, who are in sync with one another and completly committed to the dance and to each other. Earl really gets into character, looking fierce and proud. Then it's Moto's turn, and surprisingly, Lisi isn't the problem--not totally anyway. The tribe has several stumbles and doesn't seem to be connected to one another. Alex and Mookie both obviously mess up at one point. Dreamz caps it off with a backflip, but the flashy touch isn't enough to save them. The panel of chiefs confers and then praises Moto for being better organized. They give mad props to "the leader," meaning Earl, for his awesomeness. Turning to Ravu, the first Chief says, "It was just all right for me, dawgs. I mean, you did your thing, but...I just wasn't feelin' it, I dunno." The second chief smiles at Ravu and beams, "Well, green is definately your color--your make-up is great and I love your skirts. You are shining stars, don't ever forget that." The last judge shakes his head, "That was hideous. If I'm being honest, it simply wasn't good enough. D'ya know what it reminded me of? That episode of the Brady Bunch where the family tries to learn the Hula, and Alice throws her back out. And which one of you was Alice? All of you. Sorry!" Fiji voted....and Ravu is going home...Moto meanwhile pigs out on lobster and fruit and dances with the adorable kids. "It was a banquet fit for...well, me," Stacy gushes. Oh, and they Exiled Lisi again, who blabbers, "This is kinda seroius, I guess, this sucks. It sucks that I'm here, it sucks so bad that I want to quit this game because it sucks so bad!" You know what also sucks? Lisi's vocabulary.

FREAKIN' GIANT MILLIPEDES! GAH!

Seriously, why? Why the giant millipede crawling thru the eye-socket of a skull, why? Pleh. Anyway, Michelle and Earl go for their traditional morning startegy session. Earl thinks Boo is actually more likely to be on their side post-Merge, and Michelle agrees that Stacy should be voted out first. She even thinks that doing so would scare Boo into realizing he's not calling the shots. She'd like to get rid of her before the Merge, even. She tells us it's because she feels they're "carbon copies in terms of function" on the tribe, which...I mean...they're both twenty-something Asian chicks but...Stacy is a heartless yuppie snob who stopped talking to a teammate because he didn't know how to properly use a coffee press, whereas Michelle is a plucky and resourceful encourager who survived 20 days of deprivation and started a fire using her eye-glasses. Plus, she's friends with Earl and Yau-man, c'mon. Michelle, you are selling yourself short...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Right before tree mail arrives, Dreamz decides to announce, "The Merge is coming soon, and I'd just like to take a second and remind you all that even though I've joined alliances with some of you, me and Cassandra are really, really close, and maybe you should worry about that and not trust me." Sigh, oh Dreamz and your sudden flare-ups of complete honesty, maybe there's something you can take for that. The tribes are told that there will be archery involved in their next challenge, and Edgardo decided the time has come for him to "e-step up," and boast of his archery prowess. Which, the veteran viewer knows, is a sure sign that Ed's gonna have some trouble at the competition...

The tribes gather at the Immunity Beach, and Lisi returns. Cassandra sits out for Moto. Jeff tells the gang that they will be taking part in a three-fold competition of blow darts, spear chucking and arrow shooting. Everyone will participate. Meaning, they'll go in turns, each trying to hit the target, and whoever gets closest to the bull's eye, wins that round for their team. First is blowdarts, which Boo wins for Moto. Huh, a blowhard windbag winning a blowdart contest, who'da thunk it? Because Ravu's anchorman Edgardo choked, Moto's anchor Earl doesn't even have to compete. Next is spear chucking. Everyone fails to hit the target until Dreamz manages it, barely. Then Yau-man steps up, and Mookie and Alex chuckle at the odd little man as he inspects his spear. An odd little man that's kicked their ass a couple of times already, but yes, they're still treating him like some "old dude" who can't do anything. Did they learn nothing from "The Empire Strikes Back?" Size matters not! Unlike all the previous competitios, Yau-man doesn't walk up to the foul-line and huck the spear, he geta a running start, using momentum to give the spear the speed it needs to find it's mark. Having watched Yau-man's success, you'd think Alex would process that and realize it's actually the RIGHT WAY to throw a spear, but he's too proud, I think, to do so and so he fails. I had to laugh, because the CBS website kept referring to Yau'man's "unordodox" style, but, watch the javelin throw at the Olympics--they take a running start, do they not? Anyway, the reason I went to the CBS website in the first place was, I couldn't figure out why Moto was still in the competition, what with Ravy winning the first two rounds, so I had to read their recap to remember that the blowdartt contest was worth one point, the spear was worth two, and the bow and arrow three. So on to the bow and arrow, with Ravu fighting to tiebreak. Only Michelle and Dreamz had managed to hit the target at all when Yau-man knelt (again, not some kooky crackpot archery position, but one you've seen in artistic renderings of famous battles, but the CBS website is like, Oh, that wacky Yau-man) and hit the inner ring around the bulls-eye. It comes down to the self-estyled archery expert Edgardo, and he chokes. Earl never had to do a thing, with MVP Yau-man (and, okay, Boo) gettin' it done! Oh, and before we move on, what was Lisi doing during all her team's struggles? Laughing at them. Yeah.

THERE'S NO L, I, S, OR OTHER I IN "TEAM"

Back at Ravu, the zoo is doing the old post-loss porst-mortem, prompting Lisi to declare, "These guys just can't get it together. ANd when you know you suck, you suck." You also suck when you DON'T know it, Lisi, but...nevermind. Lisi goes to Alex and tells him, "You guys are just never gonna win anything cuz you're a bunch of sucky losers, so I'm done, man, vote me out." Alex is stunned and angry because he can no longer use her mindless loyalty to him to further his own game, even though he stole the Immunity Idol out from under her and he should really recognize her as an amoral loose cannon capable of anything (or falling for anything) after the Merge. Dreamz can't contain his happiness over the news of her quitting, which prompts Lisi to decide whe wants to stay in the game. Maybe. She drags aside an irritated Edgardo and Alex and tells them, "I still want to quit, but, I don't know, maybe you should keep me around in case I want to play tomorrow...maybe. I mean, you guys could keep doing all the work, right?" Alex rants, "I throw may hands up in despair, as if to say, "What the hell!?" Then Dreamz announces to the camera that he's so confident, he's not even gonna bring his stuff, which panicked me because it's the sort of thing they'd show if Dreamz was actually gonna go (Ed and ALex really don't trust that he's with them and he will be hard to beat in one on one challenges).

TRIBAL COUNCIL

So, Rocky is brought in, and he looks a little better, thanks to being clean and mercifully, a shirt. Jeff asks Lisi what's up and she repeats, literally, almost every thing she's said to Alex and Ed over the last day or so. She has so limited a vocabulary that she just has to go to one of her stock sentences because she can't come up with a new one because thinking sucks, man. Dreamz calls Lisi on her bullcrap, telling her that she wants to quit because she's not on the team that's winning all the time anymore, and she retorts, "You suck, Dreamz. You give up in challenges all the time, man, I've seen you!" Dreamz is shocked at this ridiculous statement, as is anyone who's seen him compete and indeed excel at almost every single one. He asks her for a specific instance and she repeats, 'I've seen you," the way a seven-year-old might. Dreamz shrugs, "I'm a genie in a bottle, I grant wishes," referring to what they BOTH know, Lisi wants to go home, she just doesn't want to be labeled the quitter that she is. Jeff, whose disdain for quitters is legendary, asks Lisi if she wants to be there, and she dodges, "Sometimes I feel hope and sometimes I feel doomed and I'm emotional and I like coffee and the beach but I don't like bugs and anyway, yeah, what's up, man? That's what I'm about, that's me, yo." Dreamz laughs, "I didn't hear an answer Jeff," and when Lisi starts ducking again, he pulls the rest of the tribe, asking them if they want to stay, and they all give the one-wrd answer the question demands, ALex? "Yes." Ed? "Yes." Mookie? "Yes." Dreamz, "Yes." Lisi begins, "Like I said, I change--I'm like the wind, I...one day...I'm a....my emotions, yeah...and..." Dreamz interrupts the madness and smiles, "Jeff, I'm ready to vote." :D Lisi does get in one good line when she casts her vote for Dreamz, "You're a grown man, consider a name change." But she goes down 4-1. She hands Edgardo her straw cowboy hat. In her exit speech, she cements her place as one of the worst players ever by throwing everyone under the bus, "I know who I am--when the ships' sinking, you get off. You guys are Losers! And she does the L on the forehead, like, that's original. And yes, she did willfully, and I'm sure unknowingly align herself with RATS, who are the ones that jump off the sinking ship first. Lisi, you suck!

Lisi finishes in 11th place, where Joel was booted in Season One, for basically laughing at something tasteless that Gervase said. In the Outback, the course of the game changed drastically when Michael passed out into the fire and severely burned his hands. Once the smoke cleared and he was evacuated, his tribe realized their numbers advantage had burned up as well. In Africa, Lindsay, the foul-mouthed girl who got her ass kicked by a tree was put out of OUR misery and in the Marquesas, we said farewell to Gina who wanted to open a pancake house. In Thailand, Dumbb Robb and his skateboard slid out of the game while in the Amazon, Shawna--who was once held hostage by her tribe, finally got her wish and was sent packing. In the Pearl Islands, a woman named Trish foolishly decided to try and betray Rupert, but Christa and Sandra thwarted her plan. In Vanuatu, some punk named John K. wasn't missed and isn't remembered at 11th place, but we fondly remember Ibrehem, the hunky Muslim who had to go when Bobby Jon and Steph decided to align on the Worst Tribe Ever. In Guatemala, we were truly bummed to lose Amy, the tough and colorful cop and in Exile Island, Dan the Astronaut Man blasted out of the game. Last season, Nathan chose to stick with shifty Jonathan over loyal Rebecca, but would quickly regret turning on her.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Lisi is a self-described "underground electropunk noise artist," who actually had a 2004 hit in France--one more reason not to like the French.

Next up: Merge...? The promos make it seem slightly more sinister, bwa-ha-ha-ha!

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 14.7 "Suck up the stomach ache and shut up about it!"

2007-04-09T18:16:00.000-07:00

REALITY ROUNDUP

BOO AMERICA FOR GINA BEING OUT BEFORE HALEY AND SANJYA! BOOOOOOO! :( Okay, I'm okay now, and I'm sorry. I know if you're voting, you're no voting for Haley and Sanjaya. Unless you're a Howard Stern fan. I wasn't ready to lose Gina, but with the forces of Evil bound together to destroy American Idol with Sanjaya, some unpleasantness is gonna happen. I refuse to accept that Sanjaya could WIN, I still think Melinda or Jordin will, but brace yourself for more complaining from me as the weeks go on and Sanjaya outlives more talented people...though I do realize the buzz he's generating right now is great for the show itself--I don't want to hear your conspiracy theories, Jim Bates! My emotions are to close to the surface right now ;) In the Amazing Race department, I'm alarmed by Charla and Mirna's success, and that I don't find the beauty queens as dastardly as the other racers do. Seriously--you're in a race, and you have a chance to delay a team by 30 minutes. I think it's stupid NOT to Yield anyone, given the chance. I'm pulling for Cha Cha Cha or the blondes--the others are whiners. On to Survivor...

THE BITCH IS BACK

Edgardo frets about Lisi's imminent arrival, predicting she'll probably drive them all crazy if she hasn't already quit. Alex is more optimistic. He thinks that Lisi will be fine without Stacy's "bad influence," and without any other women to threaten her. Lisi arrives and tries to play off her time in Exile as though it wasn't that bad, even though she had a total meltdown over there. She also thinks she has a tight relationship with Ed and ALex, who've already thrown her over for Dreamz and Mookie. Dreamz hasn't forgotten how lousy she treated him back at Club Moto, and is gunning for her.

CAN YOU DIG IT?

Earl engineers a fishing expedition in order to give Yau-man a chance to find the Immunity Idol. The gang goes in search of Moto's somewhat marooned boat. Using a pick-axe instead of a rusty machete, Yau-man finds the Idol (which is a turtle) and celebrates before covering his tracks. He quietly informs Earl when he returns that Immunity is theirs. I'm pretty happy at the friendship between Earl and Yau-man, by two favorite Fiji players. I hope things continue to go well for them.

REWARD CHALLENGE

Even Lisi's former pal Boo seems shocked that lame Lisi managed to survive Exile without throwing in the towel. Jeff tells the gang that the Reward is a day at an Arcade, with pool, bowling, hot dogs and beer. The contest involves hurling fireballs at targets. As usual, Dreamz is one of the strongest players. Boo makes a show of licking his finger to test the wind, but it doesn't do him any good. Mookie and Rocky gaffaw at Yau-man and then have to scrape their jaws off the floor when he connects with the target. What the hell have Mookie and Rocky accomplished, anyway, to make them think they can make fun of anyone? Freakin' losers. Well, not today because Ravu wins it's first challenge ever (no thanks to Rocky, who whines like a baby when he misses his target). Predictably, they send Earl to Exile. I've probably mentioned this before, but I hope in a future season, they make the losing team pick someone from their own tribe to Exile--it would make things so deliciously awkward :) Once in Exile, Earl declares the Island "Earl Island," and draws a lovely sign to declare it so...

CHUCK FIJI's

The New Zoo Ravu makes waaaay to much of there victory, pronouncing Moto dead and doomed now that they've won one silly little party. "Sucks to be Moto," they jeer. Yeah, riiiiight. Lisi seems to be fitting in okay as she does her "Just one of the guys" bit. Rocky describes the day as "How much food ken yuh shove down yuh piehole?" and indeed, between computer golf and pool and bowling, everyone manages to over indulge. Everyone gets sick and Rocky starts in on his team, talking about food when they beg him not to, laughing at their pain, and bellowing, "Suck up duh stomachache and shut up abou' it!" Edgard frowns, "He criticizes everyone all the time--we don't need that hear, we've got bosses and teachers back home for that." Rocky is too much of a meatball to realize that acting like a "Good Will Hunting" lout only works if you look like Ben Affleck. He's wearing out his welcome, fast.

COCONUT SHELL GAME

Back at Moto, a clueless Boo is sure that it's "weak" Yau-man who will go home if Moto doesn't pull it together for Immunity. Which...is interesting because Yau-man has performed better in the challenges than Stacy and in this latest challenge, he succeeded where Boo himself failed. But Boo is even denser about the tribe's new politics, which don't include him. Earl and Yau-man are aligned and dangerous. Yau-man is very happy to have befriended Earl, who he dubs, "A very strong and honorable man." Then Yau-man has a stroke of wicked genius! He uses the war paint from a few days ago and a coconut shell to mock up a dummy Immunity Idol and buries it where he found the real one--now if ONLY Boo or Stacy would find it!

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Ah, it's a classic. Earl returns from Exile for the old Survivor standby, where one player is the "caller" and yells instructions to their blindfolded teammates who usually incur painful injuries as they bumble around trying to complete a task. In this one, they have to break a skull pinata and then gather the...wait for it...you know what I'm about to say, don't you?...puzzle pieces that drop from it and place them on this board. When all the pieces are on the board, all the members take off their blindfolds and try to solve a word jumble. They can switch callers as often as they like. Alex sends Ed crashing into a pole. Michelle really gets into the cheerleading aspect of being the caller, even though her patience is tried by Boo, who can't seem to tell his left from his right. At one point, Michelle gets so excited that she bounces right of the platform but it doesn't seem to faze her one bit. Boo takes over for her and does surprising well, considering he's an idiot. Moto takes a slight lead into the jumble, but they bog down and the tribes are neck and neck. Stacy hollers, "Get Michelle in here, we need an Asian girl to solve this puzzle! Asian girls are great at puzzles!" Michelle frowns as she sorts the letters and starts putting together the phrase, "Stacy, YOU'RE an Asian girl too!" Stacy smirks, "Yeah, but I'm not a nerd, Firestarter." Michelle quickly comes up with "Cannibal Isle," and Moto wins Immunity. Sucks to be Ravu!

DEAD MEAT

Edgardo and Alex figure that what they really need is loyalty, not strength, and Lisi is loyal to the two of them. She's also arguably as strong as Rocky, who's done jack crap in the challenges, which no one seems to notice. He's a scrawny, blustery jack-ass! He's not wearing shiny shorts, he's not Sly Stallone, HE'S NOT ACTUALLY ROCKY. He just looks like he's been punched in the face too many times, probably because he HAS, and I'm sure he had it coming. Anyway, his crap attitude leads Alex to tell Lisi they want to boot Rocky, not her. She then gives up any power she has in the game by blabbing where the Idol is. At first, she says the clues were "vague" and that the Idol "might" be on this Island and not Exile, and she's so stupid, I totally believed that she didn't understand the glaringly obvious clues laid out for her, but then she tells Alex that it's probably buried under the cave where they sleep. She's just so pathetic--she'd rather suck up to Alex and Ed than try to win the game herself. I mean, of all the people who could EASILY arrange it so their left tending the fire while everyone goes out hunting and gathering, HELLO, it's the only girl in an all-dude tribe. But, I hate Lisi, so kudos for mortally wounding your game, Lisi. Also not working in he favor is the fact that Dreamz hates her and would rather keep Rocky, and the fact that Mookie promised he'd never vote for Rocky. Dreamz, who's probably dealt with all shapes and sizes of crazy and volatile when he was homeless, shrugs off Rocky's abrasive yelling, "I understand him: that's how he talks."

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff begins by asking Lisi about joining the New Zoo Ravu, and she stupidly reminds everyone that she almost quit the game and that she WANTED to go home then. She claims she didn't mean any of that and is now ready to play the game. Dreamz tips his hand by admitting that when Lisi had her hissy fit at the switch-up, he didn't want a quitter like her on his team, but he believes that she's changed. At that moment, you had to know that he wasn't gonna vote her out, because he can't REALLY believe that, nor expect us to. He's showing his allegiane to Ed and Alex, pure and simple. It was a very boring Tribal, really. No one wanted to rile Rocky up, so everyone was very vague and even though Rocky told us and Jeff that he was nervous, he is truly stunned when he's voted out 4-2. Mookie honors his word and votes for Lisi, who tempts Instant Karma by smugly smirking as Rocky sputters his way down the Walk of Shame. Lisi, you should be relieved and grateful, not cocky. But oh, wait, you're a moron. Never mind. Rocky vows vengeance from the Jury Box (it's an expanded jury like last season) which bodes well for Earl, Yau-man and Michelle, who did not betray him :) Here's hoping...

Rocky is knocked out in 12th place, where we lost Bible-thumping Dirk in Season One. In the Outback, stinky vegetarian Kimmi outlasted her welcome--but she DID let the other team know that Jeffy Jeff was vulnerable in a tie-break before she went, which turned out to be pivotal for Tina and Colby. In Africa, deluded pretty boy tyrant Silas was duped after Survivor's very first tribe shake-up and in the Marquesas, naive idealist Gabe couldn't commit to his alliance because, like, he didn't BELIEVE in alliances, MAN! So they got rid of him. In Thailand, Stephanie the bring skinny-dipping firefighter vanished and no one's thought of her since. The Amazon's feisty New Yawkuh Jeanne is far more memorable--she accused Janet of smuggling food before her ouster. In the Pearl Islands, this girl Michelle was booted after she no longer had her bully-protector Burton around and in Vanuatu, Lisa got the ax when Ami the Evil Lesbian misinterpreted something Lisa DIDN'T say while in Palau, James Who Should've Been Jim Bob got the heave-ho when the suckiest tribe to ever suck lost yet again, AGAIN. In Guatemala, we bid a sad farewell to crafty Smart Brian but in Exile we weren't too broken up over losing Bobby aka Bob Dog aka the guy that kept announcing when he was going to have a bowel movement. Last season, we bid farewell to charming Brad--he was the first person to make the jury this early in the game.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Rocky (who's real name is James, remember?) is ex-Navy and has an unfortunate September 11th birthday. He considers himself a "man's man," he loves raging Bull and Entourage and he roots for the Red Sox and WE GET IT, Rocky, you're a GUY.

I'm trying very hard to catch up, hopefully I will :)

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 14.6 "I now have strength to carry a flag!"

2007-04-03T23:46:00.000-07:00

Yes, I've fallen behind again--good thing I'm not in an Amazing Race against other bloggers, or I'd be targeted for elimination, for sure!

REALITY ROUNDUP

YAY! Laura and Max won "Grease: You're the One That I Want!" Good job, America. As for the Amazing Race, We had to endure Charla and Mirna winning twice, but they were so annoying and awful in Poland, at least I don't think they're fooling anyone into thinking they're awesome anymore. And did Mirna SERIOUSLY call that woman in Zanzibar, "My sister?" Yes, unfortunately she did. I'm done with Eric and Danielle too, but not AS. I like the other three teams at this moment. I'm LOVING American Idol! What a great season! Even the weaker contestants are pretty danged good--I'm going to that concert when it comes to Arco Arena, count on it! :D

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

At Ravu, everyone is laying about dying and being menaced by swarms of flies. No one can figure out why they have a fly problem since they don't have any food. I'm sure Mark Burnett ordered up some Biblical plagues to lay on Ravu, while dropping off some caviar and jet-packs for Moto. Rocky bellows at Mookie when Mookie accidentally swats him instead of a fly. For someone who's always telling everyone to suck it up, Rocky sure bitches a lot...Yau-man is pleased to still be around, despite his lack of physical prowess and labels himself as dispensable. Not to weary viewers, Yow-man, trust me :)

Later that day, the tribes gather at the Reward beach, and Edgardo and Earl volunteer themselves when Jeff asks each team for a representative. Then, Jeff orders everyone to "drop their buffs," in that suggestive way of his. There is much "Whaaaa!?" and "Huh!?" to be had, before the men start picking teams. The way it goes is they have to pick someone from the old team to be on their new team, and then that person picks next. Naturally, the teams take turns and here's how it shook out: Edgardo picked Mookie, who picked Alex, who picked Rocky. Rocky chose Dreamz with a "Let's see if we can work this out," and Jeff made it seem like Nixon picking JFK to be his Bridge partner, "THE BIGGEST RIVALS IN SURVIVOR FIJI JUST TEAMED UP!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!???" Sigh, Jeff, chill out, they're two boys who've trashed talked a little during some games. Yes Rocky told him to shut up the first night, but since then...hasn't Rocky told EVERYONE to shut up? Anyway, Dreamz has no choice but to pick Anthony, who pretends to be put-out by being picked last, but you know he actually treasures his outsider status and wouldn't want it any other way. Then Earl starts off his new team by picking Big Jerky Boo. Boo takes Firestarter Michelle, she takes Cassandra, she takes Yau-man and that lease the two bitches, Stacy and Lisi. He picks the snotty Stacy, and Dumb Lisi is last. Lisi, who doesn't like to think before she speaks, blurts, "This would be a good time to leave," and doesn't seem all that bummed by the prospect. When Jeff informs her she's still in the game, she seems kinda bummed. She goes off to Exile and an irritated Jeff snarks that she'll find clues to the location of the Immunity Idol over there, "Maybe you'll find it and give it to someone who wants to play." Ka-Chow! Edgardo and Earl rock-paper-scissors it for the chance to reach into the bag o' buffs to see who gets to revel in luxury as New Moto, and who gets to suffer as the New Zoo Ravu. Edgardo wins the rock-paper-scissors contest with Earl, but his luck leaves him when he draws out his hand from the bag o'buffs to find the Orange Buff of Doom. Bwa-ha-ha. I was pretty pleased with the new arraignment.

CLUELESS

Lisi arrives on Exile Island, glances at the clues--which now contains a map of each camp and an eensy neon red X marks the pot and shrugs, "Yeah, whatever, I ain't reading nuthin' this sucks I had a cushy alliance and then I lost it and then I was gonna get to go home and now I gotta still play this stupid game and it sucks." Then she takes a breath and admits she wishes she'd waited to calm down and process the game's twist before she mouthed off.

TRADING PLACES

Earl is so excited to be at the opulent Moto camp, that he jumps into their big giant no-place-in-a-legitimate-game-of-Survivor bed before washing his clothes with detergent and taking a shower, which mortifies the still on vacation Stacy and Boo. The new tribe feasts on a spread of cheese and crackers and what-not, as Earl and Yau-man exchange a "We know where THEIR Idol is too, and none of them have been to Exile so they don't have a clue, how cool is THAT" look. Stacy looks ill, like Summer Roberts in the first season of "The OC" having to sit next to Seth Cohen in a Biology class or something, "Ew." THen Boo whines to us that this has thrown off his "tight" strategy to secure "his" million. *eyeroll*. Earl enjoys watching the big man squirm. He and Yau-man go to fish, and Cassandra brings them some coffee and happily dishes about Boo's nervousness. She's enjoying her new-found "swing vote" status, and Earl is reveling in his new power. He even does THAT likably. Go Earl!!

At the New Zoo Ravu, Sexy Alex is quite happy to be finally playing the real Survivor of struggle and adventure that he signed up for. All the boys then take a few minutes to rag on women-folk and exult in being an all-male tribe. Cut to that scene from "Say Anything" at the Gas n' Sip, "Bitches, man." Rocky bleats, "Ah love tuh touch 'em an' make aht an' yuh know, have convuhsations an' whatnot wit 'em, but deyes pain tuh be aroun' most uh duh time." All over America, women shudder at the thought of Rocky making out with them. And the sad thing is, the conversation part is probably even worse! Then Alex tries to bond the men together by dramatically (but masculinely, mind you) quoting a scene from the "The Count of Monte Cristo." Anthony, a self-professed nerd and movie buff, chooses to stand off to the side and smirk in judgment instead of partake in the whole bonding process. He then wanders off to whine to us about what an outcast he is, and CBS chooses to illustrate this with a shot of a swarm of ants consuming one of those horrific Spider That Looks Like an Oil Lamp's we saw in an earlier episode. He goes on and on about being last picked, and that first day of gym class where you're the scrawny kid and you have to take your shirt off, and he's just not gonna fit in on the burly man tribe. Dude, Alex was QUOTING FROM A MOVIE, not opening a beercan with his teeth. The guys all go off to hunt and gather, and Anthony is left behind to tend the fire, dubbing himself, "Cookie at the campfire." Sadly, Anthony--who takes part in live-action role-playing games (where you dress up in period costumes, etc.) in his free time--does not yodel to get in character.

The men all eagerly take to Alex's natural leadership. He enlists Mookie to join in a "Final Four" alliance with him, Edgardo and Dreamz. Then Rocky and Mookie proceed to talk about Anthony behind his back, you know, the way real men do...oh, wait, no, I'm thinking about 12-year-old girls! Rocky insists that the stuffy Anthony is "effeminite," while Mookie complains about the one time Anthony "almost cried." Everyone's spirits raise when Mookie catches a giant fish. Rocky insists, "Duh bad times uh ovuh--ah mean, cuh mon, on papuh wuh uh supuh powuh." Thank God I don't live in Boston--I'd hang myself if I had to hear that everyday.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

The Ravu dudes all strut onto the Challenge Beach with their shirts off--except Anthony, of course, even though it's gotta be physically impossible to be skinnier than Rocky at this point, and still be alive. The tribes are belted into this contraption where, there's this hub, and they're all attached to a pole that's coming out of it, and the poles can be adjusted, and they have to communicate in order to navigate through an obstacle. Yes, it's a little "You had to be there," I realize. The tribe's are neck and neck throughout the race, and they get bottled up a couple times. At one point Jeff says a "strange game of twister" is taking place. As if Twister's ever not strange. A lot of pain is involved, and Rocky keeps yelling at everyone to suck it up, and man up, and cowboy up, and shut up and fess up and pay up and hang up, up up up. CBS makes sure that America doesn't see 2.3 millimeters of Boo's butt crack--what hath Janet Jackson wrought? Eventually, Moto defeats the Papuh Tiguh Supuh Powuh. As Moto leaves, Yau-man chirps, "I have strength now to carry a flag!"

THAT'S THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES

Back at the New Zoo Ravu, CBS plays some twangy wagon train music as Anthony tends camp so everyone else can go off and plot to give him the boot. Then in a scene right out of "Days Of Our Lives," Anthony hides in the brush and holds back tears as he hears Rocky bray, "He's uh good kid, but Erica an' Jess'kuh wuh stronguh." He leaves out the part where he told both women he wouldn't vote for them and then he did, 'natch. Dreamz would rather see Rocky go, and Anthony starts beating that drum as well. Things look like they might go in Anthony's favor when Rocky berates Mookie for saying, "Gah!" when he burns his foot in the campfire. Anthony quips drolly to Alex and Ed, "Things should go swimmingly once our dear boy Rocky has been fed and watered--oh look what I did, I just compared Rocky, and rather unfavorably I might add, to a BEAST. My passive aggression should be just the ticket to drawing the other fellows over to my side." The other men frown as they watch Rocky order Anthony about and Anthony hop to it. Ed sighs, "Rocky has a few screws loose in his head, but Anthony is his bitch." Ed admits he doesn't want Rocky to make the Merge. As Anthony goes off to try and win Alex over, Rocky mocks, "Nah ee's gahn waaahne lahk a girl an' get peepuh tuh change dere votes--naht gahnna happen!" Rocky is a lower life form. And he makes Boston Rob seem like Ghandi. But you know what? Anthony isn't doing himself any favors. He doesn't stand up for himself--and it really seems like he could have won the other guys over if he HAD--and he's no fun. I like nerds--I AM a nerd, but if you're gonna be a nerd, be an interesting one!

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Ed and Alex both tell Jeff they like the new, harsher camp because they had really wanted to be on "SURVIVOR." Anthony makes a feeble attempt to bring up his odd-man-out status, and Rocky gets belligerent, "Put yuh cahds on duh table! Stan' up tuh me once in uh whule! Dat's a lahf lesson from me tuh yuh--stop bein' a guhl! Dere's nuttin' wuhse dehn a guhl unless yuh makin' owt wit huh!" Jeff nods in approval of "colorful" Rocky--you know he's gonna fawn all over him at the Reunion, and there gonna show a montage of him belittling everyone and everyone will smile and shake there heads--oh, that Rocky! Anyway, Jeff asks Anthony, "Yeah, why DON'T you be a man for once and stand up to Rocky, you punk-ass twerp?" Anthony moans that he's tried but Rocky just yells more, so Rocky then yells more, "Toughen up! Grow uh spine! Take yuh skirt off!" Alex looks horrified, but when Jeff calls him on it, he tries to placate Rocky by labeling his diatribe as "tough love" that would hurt his feelings had it been directed at him. In the end, Anthony finally decides to do some "live-action role-playing," and pretends to be worth keeping around. He gives an impassioned defense of his cool-under-pressure demeanor and insists that getting rid of Rocky and his odious name-calling will usher in a golden age for Ravu. It's too little, too late. Anthony goes down in a hail of votes, and in his exit interview, denounces Rocky and Mookie as the real reason why Ravu continues to suck. Best moment of the episode? The "Oh, SHIT!" looks on Dreamz and Ed's faces when Jeff reminds them that Lisi will be joining them the next morning. Priceless.

Anthony is eliminated in 13th place. In season one, Ramona wasn't prepared for the harsh environment of the game, and America cringed when she declared Poor Jenna as her "first white friend" minutes before Jenna gleefully voted her out. In the Outback, skinny songwriter Mitch was SUPPOSED to be safe and under Jerri's wing, but Colby decided to flip and save Keith after the first vote ended in a tie. In Africa, the Evil Friendship Necklace Kids got rid of Linda, but not before she wondered aloud to rageaholic Lindsay, "Did your momma nevuh hug ya?" In the Marquesas, a tribe shake-up separated Sarah and her ample bust from her godfather protector, Chachi, which spelled her doom. In Thailand, Ghandia's talk of Ted's night grinding added a skeevy tone to Survivor's worst season ever, and got the "Denver Diva" a ticket home. In the Amazon, we lost Joanna, the woman who truly did seem to think that having the Immunity Idol in camp might be construed by the Lord as idolatry and in the Pearl Islands, we thought we'd seen the last of Burton the arrogant bully, but no, Burnett and company let him back in. In Vanuatu, we were sorry to lose the amiable Bubba and in Palau, tattooed and feisty Angie was yet another casualty of "The Tribe that never won Immunity." In Guatemala, Margaret the Nurse ran afoul of the uncouth Judd and in Exile Island, we said so long to steel magnolia Ruth-Marie. Last season, our friend JeFlicka finished 13th.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Anthony is straight outta Compton, and his favorite sports team is the Edmonton Oilers. Really.

Next Up: Sigh. I'll be two weeks behind again :D Sorry!

Peace Out! Christine :D

Survivor 14.5 "Love many, trust few, do wrong to none."

2007-03-21T00:33:00.000-07:00

SURVIVOR IS ON TONIGHT, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 21, due to basketball

REALITY ROUNDUP

Chachi and Amber go from first to worst on The Amazing Race! It would have been funny had they not been bested in the end by Charla and Mirna. Amber's "lie" was pretty standard operational procedure for the Amazing Race--doesn't everyone pretend they don't know about the better flight, pretend they already got the clue, etc. etc. Anyone else think Rob and Amber threw the thing to go home? I mean, I just don't get it. And they seemed so okay with it, after being so gung-ho and "We've got something to prove!" in the beginning. Something doesn't smell right...except, I dunno, maybe Rob and Amber DON'T know how to spell, which was their undoing at that sign challenge. To make matters HORRIBLE, Charla and Mirna then went on to win the next leg of the race, and we had to listen to them lecture us about how NO ONE THOUGHT THEY COULD DO IT. OY! My beloved Chad got the boot on "Grease," The Horror! I voted the heck out of Austin last week, hoping Derek would leave--and he did! THen we had to listen to all the contestants lobby America with their sob stories. Kudos to Laura for merely being a little bummed she had to postpone her wedding, and not reaching into her childhood to tell us she had scoliosis or an overbite in 7th grade or whatever. I voted for Laura--she is so superior to Ashley, it's not even funny. I am pulling for Max, I think he's more natural of an actor, but Austin could pull it off--he's over the top on TV, but it wouldn't play that way on stage, right? Loved American Idol the last two weeks! I could not get over how sane and credible and lovely Diana Ross was! She looked amazing (in part BECAUSE she had some weight on her) and her advice to the kids was so sincere and accurate--almost everyone who didn't do so great would have benefited from listening to her. This week, the British Invasion show, was another winner, though I was bummed at the lack of Petula Clark. Though Melinda remains my fave, Jordin is turning in some amazing performances. I'm glad Blake went back to really singing with the Zombies song, it was very sexy. And, I hate to say it but I thought Sanjaya did a (gulp) pretty good job. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was cheesy and lame, but it was also very Donny Osmond/Leif Garrett/ Tony DeFranco. He really had fun with it, and those 10-year-olds in the audience seemed pretty smitten. I think Phil will go home tomorrow--he's just not connecting. Oh, and the guy in the VERIZON commercial that I thought might be crazy Jamie from Guatemala is actually crazy Silas from Africa...now, onto Survivor.

IDOL HANDS

At Ravu, Yau-man and Earl, the tribe's surviving Exile's, commiserate on how freakin' hard it will be to unearth the Immunity Idol, which they both know is buried right under them, at the entrance to the cave. Earl hatches a plan to get the rest of the tribe out of camp on a food hunt in order to allow Yau-man to dig for it. The next morning, the starving tribe goes off to look for clams and fruit and whatnot. Of course, no one finds any food, and Yau-man's quest is equally fruitless--he doesn't know how deep the Idol is buried, he complains, but did anyone else think he was a little unsure of where to dig? Sylvia seemed to have a more precise idea of the X marks the spot place. At any rate, the rusty machete doesn't make much of a shovel, either. Meanwhile, while on Earl's snipe hunt, Earl and Anthony climb a hill and take in a breathtaking view of Fiji. As Anthony puts it, the two men take a break from the game and "let themselves be astounded." Aww, how cute, they haven't lost their will to live...

Then we have to here the "Ain't no party like a Moto party cuz a Moto party don't stop" music for the three thousandth time this season--because life's just one big awesome nap for the fat and happy Winners of Everything. As they prepare for the Reward Challenge, by picking out of a catalog, Boo shrugs, "We have so much luxury, it don't matter what we pick." I hate Boo. At Ravu, the tribe bickers over what two prizes they should choose. Earl insists they take two need items, whereas Rocky wants them to pick one need item, and one frivilous item. Earl insists they need to get the fishing gear so they can feed themselves and Rocky whines, "But I'm hungry!" earl gives him a classic, "No Duh," look and nods, "Yeah, Einstein, that's what the fishing gear is for. You know, give a man a fish...awwww, forget it." Earl says to us, "We're not on Fantasy Island. They're living in a mansion like "Fresh Prince of Bel Air," we're living like "Good Times." Man, Earl, that was a whole lot o' pop culture in one sentence, but I hear ya.

GOOD TIMES THEME (Ravu version)

"Good Times! Knowing where the Idol's hidden! Good Times, Or when the other team forfeits! Good Times! Any time you find bananas, not getting bug bit, keepin' your torch lit! Not dying of de-hy-dra-tion! Not punching Jeff in the face! Making fire with glasses--Good Times! Ignoring when Boo sasses--Good Tiiiiiiimes. Ain't we lucky we got 'em. Good Tiiiiiiiiimes! Ayyyyeyeeeeooooooo, yeah!"

REWARD CHALLENGE

So, it's the one-on-one gladiator "knock the person off the platform into the mud," challenge. Boo struts in eating a mango, because he's an ass. When Rocky gets in his face about it, the Motoes all laugh at him, "Oh, that Rocky. He was hard enough to understand when he DIDN'T have scurvy." Moto has chosen coffee grounds and a press and something else you could probably find in a Williams-Sonoma catalog. I can't tell you what it is because I can't read my handwriting. THen they scoff as it's revealed that Ravu wants a sack of potatoes and fishing gear. THe winner of the challenge gets all FOUR items, so Moto is all, "Fishing gear? That is SO Day Two." ANd of course, we all want for Ravu to win, so they can gnaw their potatoes like starving racoons, but they're all wasted away, and are easily beat by the stronger, HEAVIER tribe. Earl is sent to Exile, again. The only win Ravu gets is when Yau-man beats Stacy, and he still has the decency to feel bad about beating a girl in a fight. I wish I could have watched Stacy get her ass kicked AFTER she was an unimaginable bitch to Dreamz--I woulda enjoyed it more. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, read on...

ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE

More insufferable Moto partay-ing, and people saying stupid stuff like, "I love coffee!" "I love soap more!" "Coffee!" "Soap!" SOAP! That's what their other thing was, some toiletries. And they also get the potatoes and the fishing stuff that Ravu needed. To Live. Despite all the reasons to celebrate, or maybe because of them, Lisi and Stacy decide to act like mean, popular thirteen-year-olds, and give Dreamz the cold shoulder when he tries to, you know, TALK TO THEM. TO hear Stacy explain it, "We're gonna pick them off one by one anyway, so why bother being even remotely polite to the losers that aren't in Cosa Nostra? Hellooooo? We're in total control of this game!" And you know what? At least every other bleep hole that ever played this game (Hatch, Jerri, The Friendship Necklace Alliance of Africa, Johnny Pots and Pans, Porn Star Brian and Clay, Freakin' Heidi, Burton and Lill, Ami, Shane and Courtney and probably many others (let's face it, the majority of Survivor: Thailand) had to at least SUFFER. They were hungry and dirty and stuff. Stacy and Lisi aren't even playing the game, and they think they've won it already. Stacy even goes so far as to shrug, "This is Survivor," to justify being cold and cruel (she refers to Dreamz as a "child" in his presence, as though he wasn't there). Bitch, you do NOT even know what Survivor is so shut the front door. So, since no one will help him make it properly, Dreamz tries to make himself a cup of coffee by just sprinkling in some of the grounds into some water, and of course, it doesn't work. As someone who once tried to make Kool-Aid with powdered sugar (on a high school camping trip), I feel his pain. And just when I had written off Alex as just another smug dumb bastard in a tribe full of 'em, Handsome Alex reveals that not only does he have a heart (drum roll............) He watches and understands Survivor. "It nauseates me to see anyone treated that way," he reveals. "This game is all about instant karma [author's note--how many times have I used that very phrase!?]. To treat someone like that---how can they not see it could screw them later on." THANK YOU. But back at Camp Clueless, Stacy is still OFFENDED at Dreamz' failure, "How can ANYONE not know how to make coffee using a press!? God, what are you, like, some kind of homeless person or something!?" Then she explains to ALEX, still not deigning to speak to Dreamz, exactly how to use the press, in a tone that somehow manages to make such knowledge sound both painfully obvious and vitally important. Then Cassandra has the gall to wrinkle her nose at the coffee that Stacy made and complain about the grounds that are floating on top. Stacy shoots her the evil-eye but opts to not speak to her either. And again, the fact that the two black people on the tribe are on the outs? TOTAL COINCIDENCE.

THIS AND THAT

On Exile Island, Earl gets the 5th clue, which reads, "Dude, SERIOUSLY, it's exactly where we told you it was in the other three clues. We thought you'd find it by now, we don't know what else to say." Back at Ravu, a bored Anthony clumsily tries to bond with an equally annoyed Rocky over the inane make-up and fashion chatter of Rita and Michelle. Says Anthony "I can almost feel the brain matter seeping out of my auditory canal as I'm forced to listen to such banal conversation." Rocky concurs, "Ah'd hit 'em wit a pineapple but only, we don't got none." In the background, Rita drones on, "People assume because I'm a beauty queen and a spokesmodel, I must be high maintainence, but I'm surprisingly LOW maintenance. I just put on some lip gloss and I'm good to go!" Who knew prophetic words could be so silly...

REALITY REALITY CHECK

So, ALex is really worried about how the rest of Cosa Nostra is behaving. He's done the Survivor math and realizes that if Dreamz and Cassandra were to flip after the merge, they could wind up with the advantage. Even if they were to win out, and Merge at 7-3, it could wind up being 5-5. So, he goes off to inform his alliance of this, and in a Montage of Morons, we see just how truly lame his compadres ARE. Lisi is so dumb that when Alex tells her of his concerns, she mistakes it for good news and says, "Cool," in a "I don't really like to listen to people who aren't me talk, but I know I'm supposed to" way. Then he goes to Stacy and when she hears his fears, she sticks her fingers in her ears and insists, "NO! I can't listen to this! THey are NOT cool enough to hang out with us and we don't have to work with them AT ALL! AAAAAAHHHH. I'm going to make more coffee, 'kay?" And of course, what do you expect form a grown man who prefers to be called Boo? "But...we want them all gone, right?" The vibe is very "Of Mice and Men," between the two. Finally, ALex goes to Edgardo, who totally gets what Alex is saying and is sick of the girls and their power trips. Alex calls a meeting to suck up to Cassandra and Dreamz, who both smile and nod as he and the others try to sell them on the "We're all a team!" lie. Stacy is especially patronizing and insincere, "So we're totally solid, right? Right," and enamored enough with herself to believe that the outsiders are just so honored to be asked to be used and then thrown away by such an attractive person as herself that they won't see what's really going on. But they do :) Dreamz tells us very matter-of-factly, "As soon we Merge, me and Cassandra are switching to the other side." He delights in the prospect of revealing HIS strategy to Cosa Nostra, when the time comes. Heh. Me too. Karma's a bizzle, y'all!

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE...GUESS WHO WINS :(

Earl returns. The game is a giant game of "Concentration," where numbers and symbols are flipped over, and you try to get a match and you have to try and remember where everything is. Seems to me this should be easier than teams make it, like since it's a team competition, you could divide up the "board" and make people responsible for a certain section, right? I mean, they're allowed to confer before the individual player goes out to flip the easels. Lisi LITERALLY falls flat on her face as she goes out, and I almost hate myself for being so petty and enjoying it so very very much. Almost. The game is really close, and then Moto even loses a turn because the deal is, the players go out one at a time, and once they're out on the field, they can't get any help, and Moto forgets this detail, probably because they've been so pampered they they think they're above the law. But, in the end, the minds of Ravu have been weakened as much as their bodies and they just can't remember in the clutch. Cassandra make a rather big deal about flipping over the winning card, but I'll forgive that since she needs Immunity just as much as anyone on Ravu (Cassandra, dubbed "weak" by everyone and his mother last week, turned rather impressive performances at both Challenges this week).

DEJA RAVU

Sigh. So, Ravu has to decide...sigh...who to vote out this time. Sigh. Rocky, who failed to make the final pair, takes responsibility, but also suggests that they try not to talk all at once during the challenges, because it's confusing. If that sounds familiar, it's because it was Sylvia's "bossy" advice to the tribe days earlier. Anthony is still a major target, but in an interesting turn of events, Rocky, who seemed to loathe Anthony just the other day, lobbies others to oust Rita instead. Mookie is weary of the team's chaotic and selfish approach to all things.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Everyone is supremely disappointed at coming SO close to winning and still coming up short. Rocky's tribe mates give him a pass for bonking on the last pair, believeing that they confused him. Words confuse Rocky. Jeff asks Rita what everyone talks about around camp, and a painfully mistaken Rita chirps that her stories of lip gloss and eyeliner are keeping her team entertained, as eyes roll to her left and right. Then Yau-man busts out his bumper-sticker ready personal motto--you just KNEW Yau-man had a personal motto, right? "Love many, trust few, do wrong to none." Good luck with that last one, dude. Rita goes down 4-2, leaving Michelle as the tribe's last remaining woman. As Yau-man writes down Rita's name, he explains, in his "Indiana Jones" villain voice, "It comes down to who is the most disposable. Nothing personal." I'm trying to imagine being called disposable and not taking personal...and I CAN'T. THen Jeff tells them, "It's really good that you guys haven't lost the will to live--I mean, to win, after all the many injustices and indignaties we've heaped upon you this season because things may be getting better sooner than you THINK." And then he winks at them. Shake-up tonight, let's hope it dooms Stacy or Lisi first. Oh, and since there's only four girls left and I despise two of them, now would be as good a time as any to have that all-male final four we've never had, I'm just saying.

Rita is evicted in 14th place. In Season One, hostile lawyer Stacey sued the show, she was so upset about her ouster. My dad despised her, and once she was ousted, never felt the need to watch "Survivor" ever again. In the Outback, Tina backstabbed her pal, the ever-crooning Mad Dog. Ya gotta break some eggs to make a cake, Tina would tell you. In Africa, Carl the Dentist was booted by the lazy 20-somethings, who felt judged because he had, like, a car and a career and stuff. Ironically, next season's 14th place finisher was a lazy, 20-something dentist named Jed, one of Thailand's many, many forgettable faces. In the Amazon, Daniel's lack of balance--and ambition, got him the heave-ho from the man-tribe and in the Pearl Islands, female Boy Scout Lill was mercifully sent packing but CBS would cruelly, and stupidly bring her back and ALMOST give the whiny martyr the frickin' Million dollars and the title of Sole Survivor. Gah! Worst decision by the producers in Survivor history--until this have and have-not mess, anyway. In Vanuatu, Brady, the hunky FBI Agent went on the show without permission, and after his eviction, was given a basement office and put in charge of the "X-Files." Or something. In Palau, Willard the lawyer pretended to be Willard the mailman so he'd be better liked. He wasn't. In Guatemala, Smart Brian baited arrogant "Golden Boy" Blake into offending his tribemates with his off-color ramblings and in Exile Island, Misty the flirty scientist couldn't break-up her tribe's Boy's Club. Last season, Cristina the cop was seen as too bossy by her tribe's power clique.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Rita competed in the Miss Venezuela pageant (she moved to the US at age 8 and then returned to South America). She also appears in the 1990 Steven Seagal film, "Marked for Death." She's also 38--anyone else think she was a lot younger? It's the power of lip gloss, don't knock it!

Peace out! Christine :D

Survivor 14.4 "I'm not being negative, I'm stating the obvious."

2007-03-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

REALITY ROUNDUP

Not much new to report. On "Grease," Allie barely missed going home, and I was glad she stayed--she's really grown on me. It's getting hard to deal with how bitchy the guys are being about each other, and they all seem to be picking on Chad. Austin's terrible "Fun Fun Fun" may have made him vulnerable--but can we please get rid of Derek? You can tell the British producer guy is done with him, and no wonder. He's cheesy and he can't sing. I'm loving American Idol--thank goodness we'll be on to the top 12 with the guys and girls singing together, starting next week: those all guy nights are terrible. They're playing it so safe, and meanwhile, the girls are throwing down! On the Amazing Race, I'm starting to embrace Rob and Amber--I've resisted for so long, but you know what? They're just better than everyone else, lol. Not sad to see the coalminers go, though they weren't crybabies this week, so it was a nice last outing for them. But they dont' even have that underdog thing going for them now that you know Rosie gave them a house, or whatever. I continue to hate Charla and Mirna with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. Glad to see Terri and Ian get in their faces a little. Oha and I was really glad Terri didn't drown during that white-water raft! The best moment was when one of the Team Guido guys was fretting about Rob and AMber not being in sight, and what did that mean--they must have a better plan, or whatever, and his life-partner huffs, 'Rob is not JESUS!" Classic. On to Survivor: Four Star Island....

PEOPLE PROBLEMS

At Ravu, Earl calls a post-Tribal COuncil Pow Wow around the (hurray!) fire, to try and ease tension, but all it does is stir stuff up. Rocky goes off on a rant about how he's not used to dealing with the "sentimental" Anthony, and adds, "You're like a woman, no offense." Anthony weepily tells us in private that he was picked on mightily as a kid and he has a lot of self-loathing. Then he vows to not let the others get rid of him...well dude, if you want to stick around, I reccomend toughening up a little, because Rocky is not gonna get LESS crazy and insensative.

Meanwhile, at Club Med Fiji, (I finally remembered why the tribe name was so familiar--MotoMaji was the name that the merged Africa tribe came up with--Lex was tres enamored with it) we have to listen to this happy jangly music and watch them laze about in hammocks and rave about how great everything is. Stacy sighs, "This water is awesome. I just wish that one eensy teensy little cloud up there would go away--it's really a bummer." Lisi (who I called Leci throughout last week's review--I blame never spending any time with these people) and Stacy take a relaxing swim and boast about how they've already got the game in the bag, because they have this awesome allaince of five within the tribe that's being pampered beyong belief. The "our thing" (as Stacy and Lisi call it) alliance is Lisi, Stacy, Boo, Alex and Edgardo. Because I hate most of them (Edgardo...eh..) I will change "Our Thing" to the more nefarious Itlaian,, "La Cosa Nostra." They aren't at all concerned about Papa Smurf, who is laying near death back at the shelter. He is suffering from constant head-sppinning, and he's covered with thousands of bug bites. While Cassandra, a normal, compassionate human being frets for the man's health and safety, Lisi shrugs, "I don't want to take care of him--I don't want to babysit. He just needs to suck it up and get better." Yeah, Lisi is a bitch.

REWARD CHALLENGE

The tribes gather, and Jeff reveals that the winning tribe will get fish, rice, spices pillows and a freakin' king size bed with sheets and all. I'm seriously not gonna be surprised when he offers up a 50$ gift card to Bed, Bath and Beyond, and they all leave the Island on Mark Burnett's private jet for a Honolulu shopping spree. Honestly. The challenge is the one where the tribe stands on a balance beam, and one person at a time has to get past the people standing on the beam over to a platform, so they kind of have to hug each other and grope each other and whatnot. Papa Smurf and Cassandra sit out. At first, Ravu goes out to a lead as Lisi keeps failing and looking lame and I was loving it, but then Moto came up with a strategy where the whole tribe just squatted down on the beam and the people climbed easily over their backs. It was so succesful and easy, I think it made the game irrelevant, I don't think we'll ever see it again (I know we've seen it at least once before). Moto wins AGAIN, Boo, who whined about bad sportsmanship at the eating challenge celebrates obnoxiously AGAIN, and Dreaqmz executes a rather thrilling and impressive corkscrew dive off the platform. Moto sends Yau-man off to Exile. The only thing that's good about Ravu losing again is how much I hate Rocky and Mookie. Then we get back to Moto and have to listen to Alex brag, "We kicked the crap out of them again," as if it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that they're hydrated and their bodies aren't cannabalizing their own muscles so they can continue to live. THen we have to watch them eat AGAIN. Alex allows, "I do feel bad for them as individuals, but I want to win." Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cna't be mad at them for not losing on purpose--that would be ridiculoes. But I am mad at the Show for making this so unfair and un-fun.

FITS AND FLIRTS

Back at Ravu, Rocky throws a hissy-fit--throwing things, screaming, the whole unattractive bit, "Le's goh tuh trahbal council right now!" he screams, while Mookie and Earl try to get him to chill. "Ah'm not bein' negative, ah'm statin' duh obvious," he argues. Then he says, "Ah', nuh sooguh cone nuh 'in." Which, translated from the punch-drunk Boston lout means, "I am not sugar-coating anything." I think. Anthony and Earl go off to chat, and Anthony is hopeful that Rocky's display might turn people angainst Rocky instead of himself. earl isn't that convinced, though he's trying to be in ANthony's corner, "It's getting harder and harder to look out for him," he tells us. Then he tells Anthony, "If you don't like your bed, go cut down some more palm fronds and make another one." Heh. Or you could've won one today...oh well. In Exile, Yau-man gets clue #4, which says, "Yep, Sylivia figured out clue #3, all right!" So Yau-man knows the Idol is buried under the tallest point of the cave-opening.

That night, at Moto, Lilliana, gets all flirty and massagey with Alex and Boo, and Lisi is not please," I know in her little diabolical Mexican mind, she's tryin' to do somethin'," Lisi sneers, "And I'm part-Cuban, so I can TOTALLY say disparaging things against Mexican's and it's like, totally allowed." In Florida, maybe, but I'd watch yourself when you're in LA for that Survivor reunion. Gary aka Papa Smurf feels worse and doesn't feel he'll get better--he thinks he had it better in 'Nam. The Medics are called, Cassandra cries, and Dreamz frets because gary is his only real friend on the tribe. As the ambulance boat whisks him off to the hospital, Lisi shrugs, "One less person." Yeah, Lisi is a couiple of OTHER things that I can't say in a review that I send to my parents. Alex, who must watch the show, isn't happy about the math, "If we lose tomorrow, we'll be tied and then we're screwed." Hmmm, Alex does not seem to have a lot of faith in his team...

Gary aka Papa Smurf leaves the game in 16th place, which used to be known as "last place" in Survivor's past. Sonya and her ukelele got the boot in Borneo. In the Outback, bossy Deb wore out her welcome in the first few minutes she had with her tribe. In Africa, sneaky Diane feaigned illness and then got Clarence to help her eat some of the tribe's communal food while they were off doing chores in what became known as BEANCANGATE. In the Marquesas, Chachi dubbed Peter a "Froot Loop," which he was--he alienated his tribe when he rhapsodized over his ability to control his bowel movements. In Thailand, bossy preacherman John ran afoul of his foul tribe and in the Amazon, Ryan couldn't come up with a new gameplan when his previous "flirt with the ladies" scheme became obsolete on Survivor's first all-male tribe. In the Pearl Islands, this woman named Nicole played the game to hard too fast and wound up on the outs. In Vanuatau, we siad goodbye to one of Vanuatu's many dull young white guys who we barely remember now, John P. In Palau, rat Jeff scurried off his tribe's sinking ship when he "hurt his ankle," wink wink, and in Guatemala, Princess Brianna ran afoul Steph when she "didn't know what a pick was," in a basketballish game. I still don't know a pick is--don't tell Steph. In Exile Island, Tina the lumberjill was still to grief stricken by the death of her only son to really be up for the social part of the Survivor game and last season, luck ran out for the Cook Island's spiritual Stephannie.

EVACUATED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Gary, though an old guy in "Survivorland," is only 55. He's a school bus driver--doesn't he look like a school bus driver? and he takes back in "inline skate marathons" back in the world.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Before the competition, Rocky dubs his previous meltdown as "leading by example," which, coupled with their lack of water and nutrients, explains why they suck so bad. Then he parades around naked (Rita's "not a pretty sight" isn't really necessary, I think we all could've guessed as much) and then he dolls himself up like a girl, which Jeff actually praises as "keeping a positvie attitude." Jeff's wearing a flattering and stylish dark brown shirt. Ravu is more upset and concerned than Moto was when they hear of Gary's departure, and of course Lisi is more than happy to act as though she needs and appreciates the sympathy. She sits out the challenge, which is an exhausting relay race invloving keys and cages and lily pads and having to build a human pyramid at the end--which was a nice touch. Jeff reveals that the winners will have a bottle to open once the challenge is over. Will this one live up to last season's surprise double ouster? Moto leads the race from second One, and goes out to a huge lead, which Ravu then admirable chips away at until it almost looks like they might have a prayer, but they don't and Moto wins, AGAIN. Then Lisi opens the bottle and reads the message. It is this season's first true monet of beauty: In order to keep Immunity, Moto must give up their camp of luxury and live at Ravu's rathole. In a stunning display of "We've never watched this show," Moto agrees rather quickly to keep their comfort--at the cost of a tribemember, meaning the squandering of their lead in term of numbers. There is NO debate, no dissenting voice. What's really stupid about it is...don't you agree to give up comfort when you sign UP for this game? I mean, if you don't want to play to win and slepp in the dirt and eat bugs, why sign up for Survivor, why not log on to expedia.com or whatever and go to the Fiji Hilton or whatever? Dumb, dumb, dumb! But Motot's won their king-size bed, now they'll have to lie in it--if they survivr Tribal COuncil, that is. Ravu gets Immunity.

LOST AESOP'S FABLE: THE STRIPED SNAKE THAT PUKED UP A SPOTTED SNAKE

Moto arrives back at camp, and clueless leader Alex pouts, "We're STILL undefeated!" uh, I'm sorry, when you forfeit a game, you are not undefeated. the group sits around their four star shelter, and Dreamz desides to display how lacking his social skills are, by undiplomatically announcing, "We're all honest, right? Right. Let's not be snakes, le'ts be up front about everything, so let's face it, Lisi and Cassandra are the only two peopel we can afford to lose, so we should vote out one of them--nothing personal!" As much as being backstabbed hurts..being frontstabbed is no picnic, either. We saw this in Exile Island, when Shane and Aras bluntly told Melinda and Cirie (who made it to the Final Four) that it was a toss up between the two of them, nothing personal! It's always persoanl in Survivor--it's personal in most things we persons do, because we're persons. I'd much rather find out at Tribal Council and delude myself that "they got rid of me becuase I'm so smart!" than be told to my face that I'm a physical liability to the team. Anyway, Cassandra is rather floored, and Lisi's just plain ticked, but also bemused because Dreamz doesn't know about Cosa Nostra. He thinks he's on equal footing with the tribe and that what he says registers with the others. Well, Edgardo goes along with it, "I'm voting for Cassandra. And not because I'm in a secret, underworld alliance with Lisi or anything, just because." Friends Cassandra and Liliana chat, and Cassandra knows her number may be up. Liliana doesn't want her to go, but tells an understanding Cassandra that, politically, she may not be able to NOT vote for her. A snake pukes out another snake to symbolize that Survivor is never gonna stop coming up with new ways to horrify it's audience with nature. And maybe that it's dumb to give up Immunity in game where you need to win a miilion dollars, in order to keep your damn couch--pass the paprika! I mean really, if you want to sit on your couch, stay home! Elsewhere, Cosa Nostra meets to discuss things. Alex, who thinks he's in charge, is angry at Dreamz for running his mouth at camp, but thinks Cassandra should go...which is what Dreamz said. I wish they were stupid enough to actually vote out the muscle-clad Dreamz, just to add to hwo stupid they are: Let's forfeit Immunity and vote out our strongest member! Lisi and Stacy are too worried about Liliana's massage skills to think "what's best for the tribe, and therefore, our survival in this game." They want Liliana OUT, and Alex disagrees, "Oh Dude, she's not going to get to us," but, it probably didn't escape them that ALex just called them "dude," which every woman loves to hear. Alex is furious that the girls intend to vote out strong Liliana over weak Cassandra...not enough to have the stones to stand up to them and be a leader and engineer Cassandra's ouster, which it seems well in his power to do, however...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff has to go over the whole "Fire represents life" deal for the newcomers. Jeff asks about Gary, and Boo is all, "Even those jerks on the other tribe liked him, that's how great he was!" Dreamz relates how he misses him because he and Cassandra are his only real friends on the island, which makes his calling for her ouster seem even weirder than it was before. Dreamz feels left out of the tribe, and Edgardo hastens to tell him, "We treat everyone the same, there is no Cosa Nostra, no alliances, man! I'll work very hard to proof that to you, Dreamz, until the time comes to slit your throat!" Lisi barks, "Uh, if Dreamz was so invisible, how was it he felt comfortable enough to tell the tribe they should vote me out, huh?" Cassandra praises Liliana with what she believes is her dying breath, only to be floored when the tally is revelaed: Liliana is out by a landslide. Cassandra shakes her head, "I can't believe you fools didn't vote me out," she mutters. And Moto indeed gives up immunity for comfort, then decides to knowingly make their tribe physically weaker (remember, they can't sit Cassandra out next time), all in order to placate Lisi and Stacy's fragile female egos. Unbelievable.

Liliana finsished in 15th place, where cranky BB exited the game when he asked to be voted out (shame shame shame). In the Outback, Army Man Kel got his marching orders when Jerri accused him of smuggling beef jerky to the game. In Africa, policewoman Jessie couldn't hack the heat while in the Marquesas, Patricia's bossy ways led to her ouster. In Thailand, pretty-girl Tanya puked her way out of the game beofre things got ugly and in the Amazon, yet another smuggler accusation was hurled, this time costing Janet her flame. In the Pearl Islands, sweet Nerd Ryan was accused by Andrew of only giving a mere 110%, and not the required 120% and in Vanuatu, a real mean girl named Mia bit the dust. In Palau, worthless Kim was an easy vote-out for the suckiest tribe to ever play Survivor on an even playing field while in Guatemala a nice girl named Brooke just never really connected. In Exile Island, the aforementioned Melinda was ousted by Shane and company, and last season, the colorful, memorable Cao Boi was too much of a wild card for his tribe to handle. Hard to believe he was ousted THIS early in the game...

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

I don't know how fun it is, but Liliana is a Marine Corp vet who served in the Iraq War. Sounds like someone who might be good in challenges, no?

Next up: Hopefully more of these people become likable, or this is gonna be one long Spring :) I can't think of a better TV birthday present (yes, I'm 36 today) than a shake-up to brake-up the smug Cosa Nostra! They're cruisin' for a brusin' :D Peace Out!

Christine

Survivor 14.3 "It's not survival, it's thrival!"

2007-03-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

AROUND THE REALITY HORN

Okay, I can't believe Chad was in the bottom two of "Grease" last Sunday. What is all the fuss about Derek? Yes, he has nice biceps, that does not make him Danny Zuko. Laura definitely seems like the Sandy to beat--do you think they'll make her bleach her hair? Is it the law that Sandy be blond? I think it might be. I really wish they'd let us see longer clips of the acting scenes, I'm as interested in that as the singing parts. As to "The Amazing Race," yes, I am now totally hooked. This last episode was totally exciting. I am very sad though at this realization: I wouldn't mind Chachi and Ambuh winning--that's how annoying most of the other teams are!! I hate it when anyone tells the airport workers "Don't tell anyone else about this earlier flight--I'm in a race!' I really wish the airport person would snap, "My job is to sell tickets, jackass, of course I'm gonna tell them!" The three worst teams were at the bottom this week--those New Yorkers that didn't want to be there went home--everyone think of your favorite team that wasn't made an All-Star so these guys could go in there place. Angry? But I think I would have rather lost the coal miners, good gravy, what babies! They whine and cry and moan about everything. The Amazing Race isn't about making friends, and seriously...did they expect people not to pass them during a race??? And then there's Charla and Mirna, who I hated with a passion the first time we were subjected to their crazy-ass tantrums, their woe-is-us attitudes and those bizarro Armenian accents they break out in foreign counties whenever they want to go into full-on dramarama mode. Which is always. As if speaking English in ANY accent makes it easier for people who don't speak English to understand. It's made all the worse by the fact we keep having to be told how we--as in America, just love plucky Charla because she's 4 feet tall. She's freakin' annoying, I don't care what she's had to overcome, I don't like her. Get me Amy Roloff from "Little People, Big World," SHE'S a little person, but she's likable and capable and I'll bet she'd tighten the lug nuts on a giant tractor sans drama and without an accent. Worst of all, Charla and Mirna made me...sigh...be on the same side as those beauty queens--why are they even there? Did ANYONE like them? First of all, I hate it when anyone whines about "being followed" in the Amazing Race. I used to run cross country when I was in school, and trust me, it's usually a good thing to have people behind you in a race. Like, what were the beauty queens supposed to do, pull over? And then Mirna sobs, "We're paying this taxi driver ALL THE MONEY WE HAVE LEFT to lead us!" It's almost the pit stop, one, so they'll be getting more money. Two, it was stupid of them to pay that much money to the guy, which is what the beauty queens were saying--just have him draw ALL of us a map, rather than blow all your money when it's not necessary. And then Mirna gets all "Take IT, take all the money I have! AY Carumba!!" And the beauty queens drive off and Charla and Mirna get lost--should have followed the beauty queens, lame-o's. And to cap it all off, we get to hear Charla go on and on about how MORAL she and Mirna are, gag. I HATE THEM. They are like a Saturday Night Live sketch brought to life by an evil scientist. One last thing: Is that Jamie, the crazy, hotheaded Georgia boy from Survivor Guatemala who got in a chest-butting contest with Bobby Jon, on those V-Cast commercials? The one where the buff guy in the gym has you listen to the new Fall Out Boy song? I think it is...And is anyone else watching VH-1's "The Agency?" I have to admit, I'm fascinated with the alcoholic Becky, who gets to make snide remarks at gorgeous models all day. How on earth do you get that gig?

AND SO IT CONTINUES

The losers of Ravu get back to camp after evicting Erica. Rocky tells us, "Ah don' know why we keep losin', it's a frickin' mystery--it's like we're unduh a curse or something." Is he SERIOUS!? Is CBS editing out all the parts where people sit around bitching about Mark Burnett feeding one tribe and starving the other and acting like it's a neat twist? I swear, I haven't been this mad about Survivor since they let Burton and Lill back in the game. I call shenanigans! Then the Ravuans agree that only one person will talk at once during all challenges. Riiiiiight.

That next morning, over at Moto, Leci has decided to paint the shelter's floor, in order to keep the ants from crawling in. Boo crows, "It's not survival, it's thrival!" It's not Survivor either. Leci predicts, "The other tribe is gonna start dropping like flies if they don't catch a break." She didn't seem to be gloating. Back at Ravu, everyone has the thousand yard stare down to an tee. Earl returns from Exile, and Michelle and Rita go off to try and make fire using Michelle's glasses to catch the sun--something I've begged past Survivors to try, I might add. Michelle tells us, "I started to pray, 'cause I know my my momma doesn't want me to die out here!" Soon, her glasses cause the dry leaves to smoke and spark!! She hands it off to Anthony who takes it to camp, and the others get kindling, and blow on it...and they get FIRE! Much rejoicing ensues--I'll admit it, I got kinda weepy. Rocky predicts this emotional lift will finally mean victory for his beleaguered tribe. Riiiiiight.

REWARD CHALLENGE--FINALLY!

Finally, we have a reward only challenge. Before they start, Jeff asks about what's been happening around camp, and Rocky beams, "My girl Michelle started a fire!" Jeff is really impressed, and says, "You've done what few tribes before have been able to do." Since they've made fire, they no longer have to earn their fire, so Jeff gives them their flint. I wonder if they could've lied about it? Moto looks a little miffed at all this praise being showered on, hello, the losers! Leci contemplates raving about how nice the shelter floor looks now that it's blue, but thinks better of it. This ain't "Top Design." The Challenge is for a choice of: The tribe's luxury items OR a bunch of fishing gear that Moto has already won OR a ton of fresh fruit. Aren't luxury items SO 2001? Aside from the occasional American flag, who the hell cares. Anyway, it's a pretty fun contest to watch--they have to slide on down this slippery course, grab a particular ball on their way to the end, and then get the ball into a chute. It's Slip and Slide meets Skee ball. Boo is kind of a savant at this game, while Sylvia sucks. Because it's head to head competition, we find out that Moto has people on it named Stay and Edgardo--who knew? Leci cackles at the sight of muscle-bound Dreamz going against tiny, wiry Yau-man, even though it's not like it's a wrestling contest. Dreamz wins, but still. Moto wins AGAIN, though they do seem to mute their celebration. They choose to take a double does of the fishing gear they already have, interestingly enough. They send Sylvia into Exile, but this time, Exile doesn't mean Immunity. She's embarrassed at how badly she did at the challenge, and frets, "They're probably sitting around right now saying, 'We shouldn't have saved her." Take heart, Sylvia, talking takes energy they just don't have right now. Her third clue to the the Idol lays it all out there: The Idol is buried right under the cave-shelter.

Back at Moto, everyone's having a great ol' time, until it becomes apparent that Papa Smurf is in serious pain from a fall he sustained at the challenge. He can't seem to take a deep breath, and frets he may have busted a rib. The Survivor Medics come out, and he's disoriented and emotional, saying at one point, "I don't want to die." A tearful Cassandra frets nearby, but the medics tell him they can't find anything serious, so they give him some aspirin and tell him to take it easy. Is it wrong that I was kinda glad to see someone, anyone from Moto suffer?

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

It is the Return of the Gross Food Eating Challenge, once a staple of Reality TV. The last time I remember them doing it on Survivor was...Palau? Ravu is thrilled at first, because they're so hungry, they COULD an octopus, but, it turns out, it's very hard to swallow when you're dehydrated, so it turns out to be a challenge. Oh, and we learn that Moto has a woman named Lilliana on their tribe...again, who knew? When Mookie goes against Leci, he taunts her and tries to get her to vomit, which gets Boo all riled up. He says it was bad sportsmanship and that it has brought an end to the "good will" between the tribes. Ravu rolls their collective eyes at Boo. Newsflash, Thrival Guy, they hate your guts. Rocky tells him to chill out, and reminds him that they're just playing a game. He adds, "You vote out two an' tell me how YOU feel." Boo stops crying, and the game continues. In Ravu's last battle, Anthony and Papa Smurf try to out-cool, out-stare one another first, but Papa Smurf can eat the hairy pig snouts faster (really), and Moto wins AGAIN. I really, really hate this. It's not fair, and it's not fun.

LET'S GET RID OF SYLVIA FOR REAL...MAYBE

Rocky screams and scares away the bats. Sylvia apologizes for bonking on the Reward Challenge. As the oldest woman, lacking in any Survivor-type skills, she knows she's toast, and begins trying to look casual as she digs around for the Immunity Idol. She actually does a pretty good job of looking like she's just bored and depressed, but she has no privacy, making her quest seemingly futile. There does seem to be some fear that she already possesses the Idol, which may explain why Erica got the boot last time and Michelle made that face when Sylvia said then that she didn't have it. So everyone's worried that they could vote for her and wind up going in her place. A plan is launched to countermand HER vote, by giving a secondary candidate enough votes to go home, not "Sylvia's choice," whoever the hell that is, or to con Sylvia into voting fo rwho they want, I guess. Apparently, a lot of people find Anthony to be whiny or something. I think Mookie and Rocky just distrust him because he's smaht. Rocky puts the "I can't read him," tag on him, which was also his reason for turning on Erica. I'm beginning to wonder if that's just Rocky code for "They're Black." Watch your back, Earl. And be "readable." Rita plays along with the Anthony plan, but tells us she wants to shake things up, "We've allegedly made decisions to be stronger, but we're not!" Thank you, Captain Obvious. I honestly can't seem to read Rita...and I can say that because she's not African American. She's very somber, and I can't tell if she's really smart and playing a complex, interior game...or if she's just kind of dull.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Jeff asks everyone to give a one-word assessment of the tribe, and gets a slew of tireds and hungrys. Yau-man cheats with a "Not very happy." Again, no one punches Jeff in the face for acting like their situation is off their own making. This isn't Palau, Jeff. Mookie calls out Anthony for "pissing him off" during the eating challenge by not trying hard enough. Anthony is "whatever dude." The gang casts their votes and Sylvia reveals that she does not have the Idol. Sylvia is ousted 4-3-1. Michelle, Yau-man, Earl and Anthony voted to boot her, while Mookie, Rocky and Sylvia voted against Anthony. Rita threw a vote against Earl, for some unknown Rita-reason. In her exit, Sylvia says she looks forward to seeing everyone, on both tribes, in a non-Survivor setting. Wow, a bona fide grown-up.

Sylvia is ousted in 17th place. In Vanuatu, Dolly the sweet sheepherder tried to be friends with everyone and got the boot for "playing both sides." In Palau, we lost Ashlee, who's fading in my memory--I think she was a buxom Mormon girl. In Guatemala, nobody missed Morgan, the very boring, blond magician's assistant. Last season, studly and arrogant JP was overthrown--probably to the tribe's detriment, no?

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Architect Sylvia's resume is no joke--she designed the interiors for Pac Bell Park...AT&T Park...sigh, where the San Francisco Giants play. I liked "Pac Bell Park," it was fun to say. She's not only a 49er fan, she lists 'The Sound of Music" as one of her favorite films--forget just hanging out, we could like, totally be friends!!

Next Up: Moto suffers, or I get even more irritated and bored with Survivor :Fiji--it rhymes with TOO EASY! Sort of.

Peace Out! :D

Christine

Survivor 14.2 "You keep your head."

2007-02-22T15:21:00.000-08:00

BEFORE WE BEGIN: AROUND THE REALITY HORN

I was underwhelmed with Amazing Race all-stars, which really should've been called, "Amazing Race: Veterans Edition," because yes, they've all been on the show before, but a lot of them were forgettable. I wish they'd bothered to show a clip or two about each pair, reminding us who they were. And we've already lost a likable pair--yes, I'm rooting hard against Rob and Ambuh even though their sense of entitlement is probably a put-on. I loved the clip they kept showing on the promos with Rob saying, "Second place din't sit so good," I kept thinking, c'mon Rob you gotta be used to second place by now. As of now, I'm gonna watch it, but I've gotta admit, I'm more emotionally invested in "Grease: You're the One that I Want." All the Sandy's are pretty good, but if they choose anyone but Chad or Austin as Danny, they have made a grave error. American Idol is just ramping up, though I only like a couple of the guys--Blake aka beat-box guy, Chris Sligh and a couple others. The girls were so way better! I especially love Melinda, the former back-up singer. But it's early...okay, onto Survivor...

MISERY LOVES WATER

At Ravu, the poor waterless fireless foodless tribe is licking the dew off of leaves in order to stay alive, "It's tree-lickin' good," Mookie laughs thru the pain. Everyone struggles to make fire with sticks, but they're to weak to put any muscle into it--half the tribe seems to weak to stand, and the only sustenance is that limited supply of coconut milk growing on the trees. Meanwhile, at Moto, Immunity and luxury abound and you hear people saying things like, "These pillows are awesome!" Lisi, a red-headed tough gal who occasionally talks like Popeye the sailor man raves, "This game is so vicious, it's delicious." Then, drunk with power--and the CBS-provided lemonade, she kills an ant with a hammer. Seriously! Boo, a charmless lout who likes to fart loudly and state the obvious as though it were profound, boasts that they will be the first people to gain weight on Survivor. Boo is an ass...and this isn't Survivor! Then we get a display of Boo, who we must now call Boo-boo, as he seriously hurts his eye by walking into a sign, then he almost cuts his foot off when he's careless with the axe! And when people try to help out he brays, "Ah'll tell ya when I need help." Then he rests in the hammock...and it falls to the ground. I think it's the work of the Survivor gods, because Boo-boo is an ass. Dreamz predicts that Boo-boo will "hurt himself out of the game," and I for one can't wait!

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE, WE DON'T EVEN HAVE FUN AND GAMES

Sylvia returns from Exile, and even though no one really likes her, her arrival is something different, and a distraction from their own eminent deaths, so everyone gives her a warm greeting. Yau-man tries to peak in her bag for the Immunity Idol while he gives her a hug. She is shocked to find out that unlike Exile Island, Ravu doesn't have flint--so yes, she was better off over there, where at least she could make fire and drink water. She voices her surprise that the walking corpses haven't built a shelter yet, and everyone makes a face. She then laments to us that she feels like an outsider, cut to: every single member of her tribe bitching about her bossiness. Mookie, Rocky and Anthony agree amongst themselves that Sylvia is the next to go. Later, earl, Erica and Rocky go on a trek for food, and all they find are unripe mangoes. Thankfully, Erica soon finds a pineapple patch near camp, and everyone's spirits rise as they finally get to eat something. Earl deadpans, "Me and Erica, we're getting married. She just saved my life."

DREAMZ ACADEMY

Dreamz and Papa Smurf--again, not my creation, go hunting for food. Dreamz is having fun climbing trees, and he tells us that this experience is not unlike digging in garbage cans for food, which he and his siblings did when they were kids. He is firm about his ideals--when you find food, you share it, because you know your family is waiting for it back home. He points out that the rest of his tribe is unfamiliar with the concept of struggle, a fact that is demonstrated as Moto sits around gorging on fruit. Dreamz says they're living so well on the island, that there are people watching at home who have less food in their refrigerators. The rest of his tribe laughs and is all, "That would be horrible, but of course it's not possible, because everyone in America is doing great, and even though were the biggest bunch of spoiled babies in the history of Survivor, we still reserve the right to complain about our situation." They just don't get it. Dreamz doesn't force the issue, he just looks a little disappointed. Right now, I pretty much love Dreamz...and that's it for Moto. Seriously, this is more of an experiment on US, the viewers, because...how do root for the rich tribe over the poor tribe?

REWARD AND IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Once again, reward and Immunity are combined, which is probably because Ravu couldn't survive two challenges in as many days. Ravu arrives with their faces painted and their confidence sky high. Ravu drags in, weary. For some reason, many Moton's look shocked by Jessica's ouster--maybe because she was a PYT? I don't know, maybe they just liked her. Sylvia gets her orange buff from Jeff. The challenge is a canoe race to gather...sigh...puzzle pieces--or, excuse me, puzzle-pole pieces, and then they have to assemble this pole on the beach and then put their flag on it and raise it, kinda like Iwo Jima only...not. The winning team wins Immunity, flint, a ton of fishing gear, and some shiny machetes. Things start out even, and then Ravu takes a pretty good lead! But then, once they're on the beach, they start arguing amongst themselves and things bog down. Erica gets very insistent that she's right, but she's wrong, and Sylvia orders her to calm down. They can't get it together though, and Moto wins and they jump up and down and cheer while Ravu collapses in agony and exhaustion and dehydration. Boo is especially annoying about it, 'natch. Seriously...what is the point to all this? Are the tables gonna turn soon, or what, because if Ravu keeps losing, I don't think anyone's gonna be all that interested or impressed or surprised by the fact that a well-fed, hydrated, spoiled tribe with a flipping COUCH can beat-up on a bunch of people who haven't drunk water in 5 days. I'm...having trouble enjoying this, I just so happen to like an even playing field, call me crazy.

THIS EARL DOESN'T NEED TO TRY AND BE A BETTER PERSON

Moto sends Earl to Exile, I guess because he's a big strong guy who they want to weaken? Well, the joke's on them, then, because he gets to have a fire and boil water! So there! Then a giant sea snake creeps up behind him, and Earl wacks him to death with the machete. Earl sighs heavily about having to kill the creature, because he loves animals and he feels snakes are misunderstood--but he couldn't take the chance of the poisonous snake coming back to get him. I heart Earl.

AS THE GAME TURNS

Even though everyone said that Sylvia was going to go home, after the challenge, the mood has shifted, and several Survivors feel that it was Erica's panicking about the pole that cost them the win. She's their "Tony Romo," as it were, heh heh heh. Even Rocky, who vowed to nevuh write huh name down is quick to call Mokkie his latest bestest bud, and turn on Erica, "Ah jes' can't read huh no more," he claims, which I think is Rocky for "Ah realized she wasn't nevuh gonna make out wit' me." Sticking to the Sylvia-is-toast line is Anthony (who reminds me of David from Sesame Street, remember David from Sesame Street?), who is sick of Sylvia's order giving and who values Erica's strength. When Sylvia gets wind of all this, she is thrilled and quick to label Erica's excitability at the challenge a distraction that needs to be eliminated, "You keep your head," she sniffs, hoping to keep her figurative head off the chopping block. Then things seem to swing back around in Erica's favor, as Michelle and Rita both vehemently agree with Anthony that the tribe vibe was much better before Sylvia got there, and she should be the one leaving. Since this is Ravu, their boat gets swamped, and they have to waste precious energy bailing it out before they can paddle out to Tribal Council.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Anyone notice how kick-ass the soundtrack has been lately? Awesome. Anyway, Tribal is pretty boring, probably because everyone's so tired. I'm really surprised at the lack of bitterness towards Jeff during all this. Putting up with all his "Pull it together," lectureyness and not saying, "THEY'RE EATING AND WE'RE NOT! WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO BOIL OUR WATER." Frankly, I'd go on a talk strike--no flint, no drama. At one point, Erica rolls her eyes when Rocky claims that Sylvia is used to telling people what to do "in a positive way." Then Sylvia pulls a say-what-now when she suggests the tribe elect a leader when they get back to camp, so everyone knows who's in charge and isn't offended by someone helpfully suggesting a course of action. Yau-man says the person going home is someone who's been too vocal and too stubborn and my sister and I added, "Who's name is Sylvia," at the same time, because that was SO a Sylvia comment, right? Right? WRONG! Only Erica and Anthony wind up voting for Sylvia, and Erica goes home 6-2. She's not happy about it, and predicts her tribe will regret the decision. Oh, and of course, we had to take a long look at a giant millipede.

Erica is evicted in 18th place. A dude named Brook left us in Vanuatu, and no one remembers, nor cares. In Palau, Jolanda was ousted for "being bossy," and her tribe lost every subsequent challenge--that's some vindication right there. In Guatemala, cranky Jim tore a muscle in his chest so he was dead weight, and last season, Cecelia was sent home.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

A Katrina evacuee, Erica is the second native Louisianan to be ousted in a row. She lists "Forensic Files" as one of her favorite TV shows, which means we could, like, totally hang out.

Peace Out! :D

Christine

Survivor 14.1 "Askew means not orthogonal."

2007-02-15T06:11:00.000-08:00

Ahoy, and welcome to season 14 of Survivor! It started out similar to previous seasons, with Jeff trying to scare us with tales of snakes, skulls, sharks and cannibalism, even though Fiji is a well-known surfing mecca and vacation destination for the jet-set. He even tantalizes us with news that a contestant quit moments before this season was to start, because Fiji is soooo unknown, but I read in TV Guide that the girl in question suffers from claustrophobia, not a fear of ancient cannibalistic customs. Jeff tells us there are two Immunity Idols, and that there are different rules about them, which will be revealed later. 39 days! 19 people! One Survivor!!! :D

ALL TOGETHER NOW

All the Survivors are dispatched to the same beach at first, a situation we saw in Palau as well. I told you last season that I enjoyed the small tribes, which allowed personalities to show quicker, but this year, nope, 19 people all at once--good luck figuring out who everyone is, right? Well, one thing about this season is everyone has a nickname--at least amongst the guys. I think they're trying to put blogging pundits like me, who like to come up with our own monikers for these people, out of business! We've got a Mookie, a Dreamz, a Papa Smurf, a Rocky and a Boo. Plus a guy who's real name is the nickname-sounding Yau-man (pronounced Yow-man). I'm not making any of those up, either. Papa Smurf is a bearish father-figure, Rocky is a droopy-eyed Bostonion with Survivor's favorite freakin' accent, Dreamz is former street kid turned cheerleading coach, Yau-man is an Island-survival guru, originally from Borneo (site of Survivor, season one). In my mind's eye, he is wearing a pith helmet. Everyone is excited to find water, and a cool cave for shelter, but they are also wary and confused about the lack of Jeff, instructions, flags or machetes. Suddenly a plane appears in the sky, and Jeff kicks out a large crate. Some of the guys try to open it with a rock, but wise Yau-man is there to throw the crate onto a rock, hitting the corner ans splitting it open. inside is a map to building supplies and instructions on how to build a living area, the likes of which have never been scene on Survivor--it will have a kitchen and a picnic table. You know how I'm always complaining that these people never seem to have watched the show? Mercifully, this bunch seems suitably nervous. Alex, a handsome Latino yuppie, puts it best, "Something very cruel is gonna happen." The Survivors get to the supplies and find shingles for a roof, nails, lumber and a toilet seat. "I'll say it again: a Toilet seat," one Survivor who's name I forgot to write down in my notes said (Yeah, I gotta work out the bugs of this, watch only once plan of mine.) Sylvia, a 40-something Asian woman, just so happens to be an architect, so she quickly finds herself in a leadership role, which she takes to like a duck to water, which seems to chafe Gary, the guy who winds up being called Papa Smurf. Sylvia is a bit stuffy: in a classic exchange, dimwit Rocky doesn't know what she means by the word, "askew," and she replies, "Askew means not orthogonal." Thank you, Lt. Commander Data. Yau-man quickly makes a good impression on the group by showing them how to open coconuts for food. "You're the professor on this Gilligan's Island," praises a black guy named Earl. Later that night, as the group huddles on the floor of the cave and tries to sleep, a wound-up and shouty Dreamz seems unable to settle down, and his rants on various topics, including race, starts to irk the group, especially the equally volatile James-who-should-be-Rocky-and-is. A sensitive crab scuttles out of the cave to avoid the conflict. The next morning, Rocky is upset with himself for losing control, but the story of the once homeless Dreamz, who probably wasn't socialized the same way the other Survivors were, is one to watch...

REWARD AND IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

The gang gathers at the Challenge beach, where Jeff quizzes the group. When no one argues the fact that Sylvia's the group's early leader, since she knew what to do with the architectural plans, he gives her the job of dividing the team into two, which she does swiftly, confidently, and with no visible trepidation. The lime-green buffed Moto tribe consists of Lillian, Cassandra, Stacy, Leci, Dreamz, Boo, Papa Smurf aka Gary, Alex and Ed. The orange buffed Ravu tribe consists of Michelle, Erica, Rita, Jessica, Rocky, earl, Yau-man, Anthony and Mookie. And I don't know the difference between most of those people either. It is at least as racially-diverse as last season's group, if not more so--in other words, I'm not sure if there are fewer white people, but there's definitely fewer blondes. Sylvia is now odd-person out, and Jeff then tells her that she's going to Exile immediately, and that she really, really, really needs to watch out for the sea snakes over there. Really. She will join the losing team, replacing the first evictee. Jeff then unveils the kick-ass and freaky Immunity Idol, that's like, a skull with bones raiding out of it, like some sort of Heavy Metal nightmare sun, that's on a staff. It rocks! Then Jeff reveals the big twist--the winners will get to go back to the shelter they've all worked so hard to build, which will include a couch, and the losers will be sent to a crappy beach with no shelter, no supplies, and no flint. Just a pot and a machete. The challenge is a chariot race, with people instead of horses, and of course they have to get puzzle pieces because there must always be freakin' puzzle pieces. Puzzle pieces, scary freaky bugs, and someone with a grating Boston accent: That's Survivor in a nutshell. Anyway, Moto wins.

UPTRIBE, DOWNTRIBE

Moto arrives at their chi-chi shelter, complete with sofa and sewing machine. Alex states, "It was a huge boost of morale to win that first challenge." Um, DUH, you have a freakin' couch! And bags or rice! And fire! And cutlery! And hammocks! And a shower! And a toilet seat! I'll say it again: a toilet seat! CBS: I know Survivor. Survivor is a favorite show of mine. This is not Survivor. On Sea Snake Island (and no, Jeff wasn't hyperbolizing this time, the place is seasnakarific), Sylvia climbs to the top of the Island, in a cool little lookout hut that CBS lawyers probably made Mark Burnett build, to protect exiles from the sea snakes. Sylvia, who really got rooked if you asked me, having no chance to be on the spoiled tribe, all because she knew how to read a blue-print, gets her first clue to the Idol's location--it tells her it's back at her camp. She sighs and returns her attention to the spectacular Fijian panorama: a view with a clue...

Meanwhile, the Ravu losers all try to make the best of their situation by making "who needs a lousy shelter" jokes. The importance of positive thinking and bravado is completely lost on cranky Erica, who raves, "I'm pissed off and I can't believe on one else is!" C'mon, Erica, when life gives you lemons...wait...the other tribe got all the lemons, too, never mind. She, Rocky and Jessica from an alliance and vow not to vote for one another. America cringes when Rocky calls the Asian Michelle, by way of praising her tree-climbing ability, "a little ninja." They all decide that this woman named Rita is the weakest link. Then we see a horrible, horrible spider of horrible horribleness--body like a snow globe and eight wooded-spoon legs--that apparently symbolizes "a tribal mood shift," because many of the other Ravuans have decided that Jessica is the weak link--and she DID fail to put together the part of the puzzle she was responsible for, so there's some "fairness" for her paying for it, many feel. Rita declares that the young woman is "flying under the radar," a truly ridiculous accusation to make on Day Two. Erica and Rocky are stunned at this shift, and reaffirm to each other that they will never, NEVAH! put her name down, but...they don't give Jessica a heads up either...

TRIBAL COUNCIL

This season, Tribal Council is in a kick-ass Tree House! Yeah! Thought the skull-encrusted fire pit? Way over the top. Then Jeff reveals the game's second major twist: Fire no longer represents life, SKULLS DO!!!! Just kidding :D The tribe puts on their brave faces and tell Jeff they're ready to deal with the reality of their Reality Show situation. Even Erica seems to have drunk the Kool-aid...oh, wait, no, the other tribe got all the Kool-aid. Anyway, she seems to have bought the party line as she tells Jeff they're pleased with their, "abundance of coconuts." It really is interesting, because I find myself automatically feeling like I SHOULD root for the underdog Ravu tribe, even though several of them really annoy me (Erica and Rocky), and despite the fact that Moto has done nothing wrong--they won the challenge before them and now sit in the lap of luxury. Yau-man frets that he may be vulnerable because of his age but his survival skills have made him vital to this deprived group. Mookie says the decision to night, for him, is as simple as "Can this person be replaced by Sylvia," and that's a little cold but it's also a lot true: there's no net loss to the tribe in terms of numbers. But, it's not an easy vote for anyone else--there's no one who's lazed around while the others worked, no one who's made weird statements about their bowel movements...no blatant jerks. In the end, Jessica votes for Rita, Rocky and Erica cast meaningless votes for Yau-man and Mookie, and everyone else votes for a stunned Jessica (Yau-man, who I heart, apologies, "This is strictly mercenary. Nothing personal". Turns out her pals didn't write her name down...but they also didn't right down a name that would help her. Not a bad move on their parts, really, as it keeps people guessing, and doesn't reveal their fledgling alliance. Ravu then sulks off after Jeff tells them they won't be getting fire until they win it. HARSH!

Jessica is ousted in 19th place. In Palau, Wanda, the woman who wrote and sang songs about Survivor, was not chosen to be part of one of the tribes. Last Season, Ozzy engineered his tribe's defeat in order to evict Billy, the Heavy Metal guy, who famously declared his love for Candice, which he somehow believed was mutual. Oh, that Billy!

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

I gotta believe that a girl who would list "eating pancakes" as one of her hobbies was probably someone we would've liked to get to know better, but C'est La Survivor!

Next up...are the tribes gonna stay rich tribe poor tribe til the merge? Will Boo kill himself with a hammock? I dunno, we'll find out!

Peace Out! :D

Christine

Survivor 13 wrap-up AND a new day dawns

2007-02-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

Hey all, once again, I fell hopelessly behind due to work and Christmas and what-not, but I loved this season of Survivor and didn't want it to go by the wayside. However, I've decided that in order to keep doing a Survivor review, I need to majorly retool. So, I'm no longer going to do a point by point recap, I'm gonna do more of a "here are the highlights/lowlights" deal, which is what I used to do anyway, which will mean I'll be able to stay on track, you won't have to wade thru as much, and I'll probably start throwing in my thoughts on other reality shows I watch too, like American Idol, and the Amazing Race. As always, you can email me to opt out at ANY TIME! There is no obligation to read. Also, I encourage you share your opinions with me via email. In fact, I encourage you to just chime in on the blog site :)

Survivor 13.11 "I think he's a filthy, miserable rat!"

A great episode that saw Jonathan taking the fallout for flipping on Raro. He insisted to Candice and company that Yul strong-armed him, by using the threat to the Idol, but he told US he liked Yul and co. better anyway. There was a truly awesome moment early on, when Parvati, Adam and Candice insisted to Jonathan that DUH, Yul DOESN'T have the Immunity Idol. Jonathan then plotted against Parvati, but Yul and the Gang...I can't believe I only thought about calling that alliance "Yul and the gang JUST NOW, in freakin' February, anyway, they all were mildly amused by Parvati, and didn't share Jonathan's contempt. Then we saw this scene of Candice, Parvati and Adam giggling alone in the shelter like monkeys--they kinda reminded me of those 60's movies where the biker-gang kids get some socialite up in a cage and rip around the house on their motorcycles laughing. Then we had the Reward auction--no sharing allowed. Yul showed everyone that he had the Idol, which I found odd. It was almost like, he couldn't wait until the Finale to show everyone how well he had played it. Becky can send anyone to Exile ans she chooses Candice instead of Adam, which I also didn't get. Jonathan won almost all the food rewards and was an ungracious ass about it, paving the way for his eventual, though not immediate doom (he even runs afoul of Jeff Probst when he offers him a tip--Jeff shot him this "I win over a million dollars every SEASON!" glare.) After the auction, Yul makes one of his "Is he a robot or a person?" observations when he realizes, "Watching people eat food when you can't is surprisingly painful." Then Jonathan has to go on and on about how ALL that food made him SO thirsty and when he departs to the bathroom, Sundra dubs him "an obnoxious force." Yul and the Gang are also fed up with how unsportsman like and yelly he is at challenges, and they toy with eliminating soon. Clever Parvati picks up on this and then tries to get Adam to realize same by using an elaborate series of signs, graphs and an interactive slide show, but Adam remains the puzzled dolt that he is. She casually bonds with Sundra and Becky over not liking Jonathan, but doesn't overplay her hand. When Jonathan gets wind of the sea change at camp, he blames the whole thing on Parvati "getting in the girls' ears" instead of owning up to the fact that he's a bit of a jerk.

Then we get a shocking Immunity Challenge that involves remembering stuff AND doing math, and...Adam wins!!! Then Yul and the Gang and Jonathan decide to eat dinner without Candice, Parvati and Adam, who didn't help catch or prepare the meal, and Candice throws down, confronting the group for being selfish, and then running afoul of Yul by telling Jonathan that Yul doesn't like him and told her so (which is basically true). The real thrust of Candice's rant, "Jonathan sucks because he's betrayed everyone in this game, while I've only betrayed, like, half," is pretty laughable, but it made for some great TV. Jonathan doesn't like being called a weasel by Candice. Yul is genuinely concerned by Adam and Candice's assertion that Yul will be rewarded for ousting Jonathan and if he doesn't he will be punished in the final vote.

At Tribal Council, the jury enjoys the drama and name-calling, as the dinner incident, and Jonathan's flip-flopping get rehashed and Candice insists that everyone of Yul and the Gang have stated that they don't like Jonathan. Adam calls him a rat. Yul hedges that "the picture that they're painting is not accurate," so Parvati calls Yul out for being "the Puppet Master," and Yul finally gets frustrated and shouts, "What to you expect me to do, we're all trying to win." Candice, Parvati and Adam all admit they're sitting ducks, and state that they just want Jonathan to leave the game before they do. The jury continues to lap it all up, though it has to be said--had Nate and co. stuck with Jenny or Rebecca instead of Jonathan, they'd probably still be in power. It ain't on Jonathan, it's on you, losers. The jury gets to show another big reaction when Jeff refers to the fact that Yul has shown everyone the Immunity Idol. Candice goes down 5-3 and makes out with Adam, which is not "leaving the Tribal Council Area Immediately," which is sounding more and more like an empty threat, Jeff.

Candice is eliminated in 8th place. In Season One, whiny yet captivating Poor Jenna was sent home, which affected me days later while driving home from work later that week, "Egads," I shouted to myself, "Survivor gets rid of it's stars before the Finale!" In the Outback, all races, creeds, religions, what have you celebrated as one in a Festival of Joy and Peace in celebration of the ouster of mean ol' Jerri, the bartender. In Africa, bitchy, lazy Brandon was put out of our misery and in the Marquesas, creepy yet boring Zoe couldn't be saved, despite her attempts at bribery thru creepy handmade jewelry. In Thailand Ken, the boring New York cop got the ax while in the ever-morphing Amazon, Deena the lawyer cut her own throat when she got drunk with power and plotted against Alex. In the Pearl Islands, Lil the whiny woman boy scout turned on America's Sweetheart, Rupert, so CBS had to come with the whole All-Stars deal just so they could do an online voting deal where America could give him a million dollars or America would've never watched CBS ever again. In Vanuatu, it wasn't the fact that he had only one foot that doomed Chad, it was the fact that he had a Y chromosome, and thus Ami the Evil Lesbian wanted him GONE. In Palau, Jeff talked Janu into quitting so that the more-worthy Steph could stay one more week. Jeff denies it, but we were there. In Guatemala, man-child Jamie's paranoia led to his early exit and last season we bid adieu to the very likable Sally.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Well, Candice's last name is "woodcock," which would make Beavis and Butthead's heads explode. Her bio is REALLY impressive--she was inspired by Survivor Africa to spend 10 weeks in a Kenyan mudhut while running an eye-clinic and teaching school. So, as a Survivor, she was annoying, but as a real life person, she seems pretty cool.

SURVIVOR 13.12

Best thing about the episode: a kick-ass shot of a skull with a moon in it's eye. Seriously, it rocked. When the moon hits your skull-eye like a big reward challenge pizza pie, that's Survivor. Jonathan basks in beating Candice. Then the episode gets serious when Parvati hacks up her hand really bad with the machete and she's quite brave and troopery about the whole thing, while Adam can't look and complains that Parvati's injury was really upsetting to his game, because he's a selfish toad. The Reward Challenge is also a time to reunite with family members: Jonathan's wife, Parvati's Dad, Adam's Dad, Becky's sister, Yul's brother, Ozzy's Mom, and Sundra's Mom. Everyone gets really weepy, and then happy because they get to compete with their loved ones in the challenge, which involves blindfolds and water buckets. The wounded Parvati wins, and gets to choose an exile, and only Jonathan's wife is surprised by this. The addition of humanizing family members has softened everyone;s hearts, and Parvati is almost apologetic, rather than smug. Jonathan's wife is so intense during the challenge, it makes America say, "Note to our collective self, no scrabble night at Jonathan and Stacy's. Then Jeff asks Parvati's dad to pick who gets to share in the big reward with their Survivor's, and he picks Sundra's mom and Adam's dad, but Yul, Becky and Ozzy get to go back to camp with their loved ones, so Jonathan is the only one that gets really screwed. Adam, Parvati and Sundra get to take part in this sacred ceremony in a fresh-water cave, while Ozzy fumes that Parvati was able to win because he's been providing her food. Yul, Becky and Ozzy all come to a war-time decision to hide food from Parvati and Adam, to weaken them during challenges. But then Adam, Parvati and Sundra return, laden with extra food from the reward, and they abort the anti-Geneva convention plot. Everyone seems to agree that life without Jonathan is a lot more "chill."

Jonathan returns from Exile to take part in the brutal Immunity Challenge, which Awesome Ozzy wins. Jeff asks the gang who's nervous about not having Immunity and Adam and Parvati raise their hands, but ominous music plays as the camera points out that Jonathan has not raised his hand--duhn duhn DUHN. Back at camp, everyone is ignoring Jonathan, rather obviously, so he realizes something's afoot. He asks Becky is they're still "cool," and when he asks is it's still Adam's turn to go, he's told "Isn't that what we said?" Which is a non-denial denial if I ever heard one. Jonathan goes to Yul and gets very heavy handed, demanding loyalty because he saved Yul and the Gang, which is true, but Nate saved Jonathan too, and look how Jonathan rewarded him? Turnabout is fairplay, suckuh! Yul sits and takes Jonathan's condescending lecture about how foolish it would be to spare Adam and Parvati, but he can't be crazy about Jonathan's tone. At Tribal Council, Parvati points out with glee at how happy camp was when Jonathan was in Exile. Jonathan tries to play the martyr about his "sacrifice" in turning against Nate and co., but it doesn't work, and he gets the boot. He asks if someone would please bring his hat back from the island, since he arrogantly didn't bring his possessions with him to Tribal.

Jonathan is ousted in 7th place. In the first season, Gervase's number came up, while in the Outback, we said goodbye to a handsome, black model-slash-law-student named Nick, who many still insist I made up. But no, this guy Nick really did outlast memorable players like Jerri and Kimmi. Fine, don't believe me. In Africa, we lost weird Army-guy Frank and in the Marquesas, we lost Tammy the crime writer who should've been interesting but turned out to be equal parts bitter and boring. In Thailand, we lost boring Penny, who was notable only in that I always remember she was a bitch to Shii Ann, aka the only likable person from Survivor: Thailand. In the Amazon, Alex became drunk with power, causing Rob C. to rethink his alliance with him and engineer his downfall. In the Pearl Islands we said hasta la vista to Tijuana, and in Vanuatu LeAnn was shockingly ousted when Twila opted out of the chicks-only club. LeAnn had been really likable until she decided to become Ami's stooge. In Palau, plucky Steph was sent packing, but she'd get another chance to win it all in Guatemala, where the 7th place finish was meant for Gary "No, really, I'm kinda famous if you're really really really into college football, and I mean really" Hogeboom. Last season, Bruce's mastery of kuh-rah-TAY could not help him defeat his own digestive troubles--he had to leave the game when his gastric distress became life-threatening (of course, what was important about that, was how upsetting it was to Courtney).

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Jonathan is not only an actor (who has appeared in "Seinfeld" and "CSI") but he received a 1994 Oscar nomination for a short film he co-produced and co-wrote!

SURVIVOR 13.13

Not a very memorable episode, in retrospect. There was that contest where they had to cover themselves with mud without carrying it? Cover themselves and get it back to their pots in their hair etc. Jeff made a comment about Adam's "long lean, legs," that was fraught with hoyay. Ozzy wins, and Parvati and Yul finish second and third and get to share a spa reward. Parvati takes the opportunity to try to seduce Ozzy away to her side, which only serves to alarm Yul and get her in front of Adam on the pecking order. Adam spent a miserable night in exile. Millipedes continued to abound. Becky toyed with turning on Ozzy and Ozzy toyed with siding with Adam and Parvati, but ultimatley Parvati gets sent packing. Yawn.

Parvati leaves us in 6th place, a place famous for PYT's such as herself. In Season One, plucky but doomed Colleen was cutdown by the Alliance of Evil. In Australia, we all assumed we'd seen the last of Jerri's stooge Amber, but she became an All-Star, a millionaire, Mrs. Boston Rob, and a reality show fixture. In Africa, Lil' Kim, the last of the friendship necklace alliance of 20-something slackers, went away while in the Marquesas, we lost The General, yet another unbearably boring and unmemorable contestant from that horrible season. In Thailand, we bid adieu to "coach" Jake--if you see him in a bar, don't tell him he didn't do his share around camp, or he'll cut ya! In the Amazon, deaf Christy, who I was really pulling for, shot herself in the foot (as was the way of Season 6) by giving Rob reason to doubt her loyalty. In the Pearl Islands, it was adios to hippie-chick Christa, aka Big Bird. Between "The General" and "Big Bird," I'm not sure if I'm talking about Survivor or the Manson Family. Anyhoo, this was a wonderful week in Vanuatu, as we were finally rid of Ami, the evil lesbian. In Palau, handsome but dull Gregg went home when Tom, Ian and Caryn beat him to the punch. In Guatemala, loud and boozy Judd got the boot, and wished crocodiles on those who betrayed him. Last season, we said farewell to Courtney, one of the most annoying contestants ever.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Parvati's last name is, no joke "Shallow." She spent the first 10 years of her life on a Florida commune.

SURVIVOR 13.14 FINALE--Finally!

Adam gets all sulky and, since he lacks the imagination to at least TRY to win anyone over (I do give Parvati credit for not giving up), he just isolates himself. Tarzan aka Ozzy wins immunity again--who cares if the guy did psuedo-porn, he's amazing--and Adam half-heartedly plots to steal the Idol from Yul, but of course, he doesn't. When we get to Tribal COuncil, Nate limps into the jury box, suffering from an injury that's never explained. Adam disses the remaining Final Four, Yul and the Gang aka the Boxcar Children, as being "boring" and "coattail riders," and the bitter and childish jury laps it up, but face it kids, you did it to yourselves. You chose to trust Jonathan, you continually lost challenge after challenge, you put yourselves out of the game. You LOST. Adam is voted out 4-1, and just like that Whitey's out of the game...

Adam was eliminated in 5th place, joining Dumb Dr. Sean, who was somehow a brain doctor. In the Outback, gentleman Rodger was sent packing while in Africa, sweet, noble T-Bird got her walking papers from Ethan and company. In the Marquesas, annoying Sean got the heave-ho while in Thailand, a bitter Ted was left reeling when Porn Star Brian showed his true colors. In the Amazon, we mercifully saw the end of Heidi and her fake boobs and in the Pearl Islands, we were not sorry to see smug Burton get voted off a second time. In Vanuatu, Julie lost her faith in Chris when he betrayed her, but she did gain a hot boyfriend in Jeff Probst. In Palau, Caryn the lawyer was kicked out, while in Guatemala, Cindy kept the car for herself and was quickly punished. Weird Shane was yet another unsuspecting eliminee last season.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

I'm trying real hard not to read anything creepy into the fact that he lists "Dakota Fanning" as his only favorite actress. That's weird, right?

So Yul, Becky, Sundra and Ozzy triumph over turncoats Jonathan and Candice, who's defection seemed to spell certain doom for the outnumbered Yul and the Gang. Now, we were left with easily the nicest, friendliest Final Four in Survivor History. All four get to take part in the famous "Survivor Fallen Comrade Ceremony" and they truly enjoy the time together. But then Jeff arrives (in the dreaded yellow shirt, no less) to spring an Immunity Challenge on them! They each have to stand barefoot on a perch, which gets smaller and smaller. Becky lasts 45 minutes before she falls, then Yul falls after over an hour. Ozzy keeps almost falling, but he keeps regaining his balance in dramatic fashion. "My nether regions are inching," he tells Jeff at one point, and America is happy to have that knowledge, Oz. Sundra lasts 2 and a half hours, but finally falls, leaving Ozzy the winner yet again! Afterward, Yul offers Becky the chance to use the Idol--which would force Sundra out of the game, but she declines. At Tribal, Becky explains to Jeff that the tribe has all agreed, since Yul and Ozzy both have Immunity, to have her and Sundra do a tie-breaker to decide who will be in the Final Three. This is a good move for Becky, who really doesn't need yet another example of "riding Yul's coattails" to add to the resume the jury has written for her (however unfairly). And playing Sundra like that would have also really hurt Yul's nice-guy cred, even if he was trying to honor his friendship with Becky. This scenario is a nicer-vibed re-run of LAST season's battle for third place, when Aras-backed Cirie lost a fire-building contest to Terry-backed Danielle. But nothing could really prepare us for how utterly unable to make fire Becky and Sundra were. After an hour of futility (and hilarious jury reaction shots), Jeff lets the girls use matches. And they still can't do it! Eventually, Sundra runs out of matches, and Becky wins.

Sundra finished in 4th place, where Stoopid Soo bid adieu in season One. In the Outback, Elisabeth was sent away from Survivor, but not from pop culture relevance as she is now mixing it up with Rosie and Joy on "The View." In Africa, Big Tom was stunned that Ethan and Lex voted him out instead of Old Kim and in the Marquesas, Paschal aka "Pappy" reached into the dreaded tie-breaker bag of rocks and was sent to the jury. In Thailand, clueless Helen was cut down and in the Amazon, good guy Butch lasted surprisingly long amid the den of vipers. In the Pearl Islands, the short-lived girl alliance that ousted Burton crumbled and pretty mortician Darrah was ousted. In Vanuatu, the car curse claimed Eliza, the girl America loved to be irritated by. In Palau, Greg's squeeze Jennifer was booted and in Guatemala we said goodbye to Lydia, the dancing coattail-rider. Last season, our hearts were broken when Cirie couldn't keep that damn fire lit.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Sundra is a first-generation American, born in Queens to Jamaican parents. She is an actress who's appeared in "CSI Miami" and "Sex and the City."

Back at camp, some Cook Islanders arrive with a feast for Yul, Ozzy and Becky. Ozzy knows that it's between him and Yul--he predicts, correctly, that Becky will not get a single vote from the jury. The Final Tribal Council begins with opening statements--lawyer Yul speaks to his leadership in getting his outmanned tribe to the Final Four, Becky reminds everyone that Survivor is a social game, which she feels she played well, and Ozzy touts his awesome physical game play.

Nate is the first to address the Finalists, and he gives them all props for getting where they are (calling Yul the Godfather Big Gangsta Boss), and he asks Ozzy how, besides his "warrior style" did he influence the course of the game. Ozzy boasts about how he engineered Billy's ouster (which hardly seems like a great move, unless he's angling for Candice's vote?), and he says that he played up the "I'm just a simple surfer dude" bit. Yul tells the next juror, Jenny, that he let Ozzy take a lot of the heat in the challenges. Parvati asks Becky to defend her place in the game, as she's "sitting between giants." Becky says she's not a sneaky person, and reminds them that she chose to fight for Immunity last night, even though Yul offered the easy way out to her. When Rebecca asks the jurors to "tell her something she doesn't know" about them, Yul speaks compeelingly about how it was his goal to present to the American viewing audience a positive Asian Man role-model. The speech goes over so well, that Ozzy swaps Mexican for Asian, and repeats Yul's speech. Adam gets up and, in typical lame, whiny, immature Adam fashion, says, "You guys are totally boring, and I'm bored, so Ozzy,m I want you to talk trash about Yul and Becky." Ozzy claims that Yul didn't work as hard as he could have, and that Becky rode coattails, blah blah blah." He acurately points out that Becky's inability to start that fire was embarrasing, but Becky and Sundra had to compete in every team Immunity Challenge, and did impressivly in the individual challenges. Coattails? And Ozzy was protected in the voting by Becky and Sundra. Candice gives Yul an ultimatum (after praising the three for surviving her mutiny) telling him he has her vote if he answers a question with a simple Yes or No answer, and if he elaborates, she'll vote for Ozzy. Yul chokes over the word "shamelessly" that Candice applies to his control of the game, but does give a one-word answer, and it's unclear whether is objection about "shamelessly" has cost him her vote. Brad is nice to everyone, and asks the panel to discuss their most challengeing experiences in life. Ozzy gets tearful when he discusses growing up without his father--the jury is moved, as is Yul, who gives him a big hug. Sundra is all smiles, calling the trio "mi gente," which means "My people," and tells them all it was a pleasure being in their tribe. She asks them to each realte what they have learned about themselves. Ozzy gives a nonsense hippy answer about, "Pure Love, man!" While Becky gets the jury to smile as she discusses how hard but rewarding it has been for her to live a life without watches and schedules. Yul says he has gained self-confidence. Look in the mirror, Yul, you're a stud! Jonathan commends yul, telling him he should run for office. He assk Yul if he's decieved people in the game, and Yul says that he has and that it's just a game, and he'd never treat people in real life the way he did in the game. Jonathan tells Ozzy that he's an arrogant punk, and wonders how giving him a million dollars would help him. Ozzy claims he'd go back to college and found some kind of surfing charity. Jonathan then disses Becky by not bothering to ask her anything. Brrrrrrr!

At the Hollywood Finale (gone are the clever exit/entrances of yore, like Jeff on the subway with the vote jar), we are reunited with the cleaned-up cast. Ozzy looks way-worse sans facial hair. The votes are read and it's a close one! Yul wins! 5-4! I was very glad. Ozzy wouldn't have been terrible, but Yul is such a good guy, and it's so wonderful to have that kind of winner. In the end, Yul got votes from Sundra, Jonathan, Adam, Candice and Brad, while Ozzy got votes from Parvati, Nate, Jenny and Rebecca. Ozzy looked a little sick when Adam revealed that he only voted for Yul because he'd given his word to him that he would, if Yul ousted jonathan before him. Jeff looked quite studly in a tight sweater. Jonathan declared, "There's no villain in monopoly," which probably depends on what your family's like. Then Jeff reveals that this year, CBS viewers got to reward a Survivor with a 2008 Mercury Mariner, which is awarded to Ozzy. Yes, folks: The car curse even works in reverse!

Becky wound up in third place, joining cantankerous vet Rudy, obnoxious chef Keith, annoying tattooed dude Lex, Krazy yet lovable Kath, crazy old Jan, crafty and humoerous Rob, evil Johnny Fairplay, lucky lay-about lesbian Scout who somehow made it to 3rd place while almost never really participating in a challenge, lanky and lovable Ian, Rafe the gay Mormon, and last year's Terry the insufferable "Navy guy." I'm still glad he didn't win.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACT

Becky is also a first-generation American, born to South Korean-born parents in Flushing, New York. She was on the University of Michigan women's boxing team and has served as a kick-boxing teacher--too bad we never got to see her and Parvati throw down.

Ozzy falls just short of the million. He joins other second-place finishers Kelly, who was held to a higher standard than the creepier Hatch, dear gentleman Colby (who also lost by a vote), Old Kim who benefitted from being in an alliance, Oh My Heck Neleh, odious Clay, Weird Matt, whiny Lill, the girl Boy Scout who had no business being let back in the game, let alone winding up in spitting distance of the grand prize! Agh! Still makes me mad! Other second placers: Tricky Twila, mean puppet show creator Katie, tough chick Steph, who did deserve a second chance, and last season, Boston Danielle was our runner-up.

EVICTED SURIVOR FUN FACT

Ozzy owns land in Panama and can hold his breath underwater for three minutes--don't try this at home, folks!

Yul wins!!! :D :D :D He's easily one of the most likable winners. I almost said deserving, but...I really do think that anyone who manages to survive and win this game deserves to win. Yul joins evil tax-dodger Rich, Steel Magnolia Tina, good and beautiful Ethan, cunning and invisible Vecepia, Porn Star Brian, catalog-model Jenna, funny and sneaky Sandra, crafty charmer Chris, Fireman-dictaor Tom, Danni the sports reporter babe, and last year, the millon went to Yoga-punk Aras.

SURVIVOR FUN FACTS

Yul is freakin' awesome, he's a lawyer, a computer nerd with an interest in ultimate fighting, he attended the U.S. Marine Corps' officer's candidate school...let's face it, Yul is probably a secret agent. The name is Kwon, Yul Kwon. And yes, he hails from Concord, California same as me :)

Season 14. 1 Review to follow shortly! Let the games begin!

Christine :D

Survivor 13.10 "I'm not gonna lose because you kids can't get your asses out of bed!"

2006-11-30T21:25:00.000-08:00

BEFORE WE BEGIN

It's Christmas time! As a kid, I couldn't wait for Christmas, and now I sort of dread it, because I love "before Christmas" so much. As soon as it happens, then it's over, and you're as far away from Christmas as you can get. Don't get me started on the Niners losing that game to the LA ScRams of St.Louis, I'm still trying to get over it. Barry Zito has not signed anywhere yet--it's torture, because it gives me time to entertain ridiculous fantasies of his signing with the A's for one more year. OK, let's get to it...

GENERATION SNAP!

Here's a rundown of Cook Islands wildlife: whales rule, crabs rock, giant millipedes suck. So the show starts with Jonathan going out to fish while the kids sleep in at camp. While he's away, Adam jokes that they should wait until he gets back to start the fire, and have him do everything. Jonathan comes back and finds that there's no water in which to clean his fish and he gets bent, "It's like a dorm or something," he complains. He rants, "I'm not gonna lose because you kids can't get your asses out of bed!" "Shut up, fool," Nate says ABOUT him, not to him. Nate insists Jonathan's freak-out was uncalled for--the young 'uns are not knuckleheads and they all know what they're doing. Their MASSIVE losing streak says otherwise, but don't trouble Nate with the details. He's kinda clueless about stuff. Then again, so is Jonathan, who vents his frustrations to Parvati and Candice--the most unsympathetic ear in camp, who Jonathan still believes is his number one ally. He huffs and puffs further about the kids to us, "Do I have to be your dad or your boss to get you to do anything?" If you what you want them to do is vote you out, the dad/boss route is definitely a good way to go, Jonathan. Cue Opening Credits...

REWARD CHALLENGE---NOT!

At iTunes, A sore and battered Yul tells us the obvious--competing in all four members in every challenge is taking its toll, but they have no other options. They gather at the Reward beach and are shocked to discover that Raro had to vote out TWO players the night before. They're too shocked to even gloat about it--they're also probably staggered at the fact that rats Candice and Jonathan live on. Jeff takes Punchy back and says "Immunity, back up for grabs," for like, the 300th time. I'll bet you've never even said it once. Try it, its fun. Jeff points out that for a Reward, the teams must paint a new flag--yup, it's MERGE time, baby! Everyone gets stylin' pewter or brown buffs, I'm not sure which. But they're pretty cool. Adam tells us he's feeling pretty secure and in control since they still have a 5-4 margin on iTunes. Then he goes off to count some chickens that are waiting to be hatched. Jeff lets the tribes work out where they should live and Yul defers to Jonathan, Candice and Nate, who've all lived on both islands. They say Raro has more coconuts, and less rats. Aren't you glad you don't have to make major life decisions based on that sort of criteria? Then the newly formed tribe of nine boards a party yacht and everyone eats and drinks and be's merry. Nate gets his fade on, 'natch. Jonathan actually says something like, "That's not what we called it in MY day," like he's really old. Jonathan, you were born in the 60's for crying out loud, cool it with the Dad stuff. He is rightfully alarmed and irritated at Adam, Nate, and the girls, who get wasted--to the point of puking in some of their cases. A dignified and observant Yul takes it all in...

I TOO TONGA

The new tribe calls themselves Aitutonga. I miss the days when teams came up with names that weren't old names blurred into one. Remember the Pearl Islands naming themselves after Rupert's dead turtle> Or Lex's rhapsodizing about MotoMaji? Or whatever? Anyway, friendliness abounds. Nate is sure that his five is sticking together, though he allows for the possibility of using his friendship with "cool cat" Ozzy as a contingency plan should things change. A drunk Adam gets flirty and gropy with a bemused Parvati. When she reminds him of his shomance squeeze Candice, he leers, "You both can appreciate me." This Thanksgiving, I was thankful to NOT be Dumb Adam's girlfriend >:( Then he blathers, "Not only do I have to worry about being faithful, I also don't have to hurt my brain anymore with thinking because we have five people and they have four people, which is like having five apples and they have four apples and five apples is more than four apples and nothing ever, ever changes in the game of Survivor, not when one group has "numbers," so I'm going to sleep and not think ever again!" Meanwhile, Not Dumb Yul rationally decides to approach Jonathan, despite his betrayal, about joining back up with the Box Car Children, which would make him Grandfather. A bit of a reach, but that 50's Dad hat of his helps. Jonathan is skeptical--he's certain Ozzy hates him and would never trust him and he doubts Yul really trusts him either. Yul implies he MIGHT have the Idol, and that his team could use it to back-door Jonathan if he doesn't join up with them--AWESOME idea, Yul, very cutthroat! Jonathan tells us that if Yul DOES have the Idol, he might consider driving the kids batcrap crazy by flipping sides AGAIN...Yul then lets Sundra and Ozzy know that he does indeed have the Idol, and that he's planning to use it to get Jonathan to vote with them against one of the Raro kids. Ozzy is down with it, and while he still feels loyal to Yul, he too has Nate in the wings as a back-up plan. Parvati and Candice try to decide whether they should oust Ozzy or Yul tonight and Parvati shrugs, "Nate will do whatever we want." Ugh. Candice sidles up to Jonathan and tries to get him to spill about his conversations with Yul. He states the obvious: Yul is trying to woo him back over, but he doesn't admit to being REALLY REALLY interested in the idea. I loved that because stupid Survivor people always say things like, "Oh, he didn't talk about the game at all, we were just talking about fishing and stuff." A sure way to be sniffed out as a liar because all anyone does on that island is talk game. Jonathan gives away information Candice could already guess herself, without cutting off his options. He does lobby to boot Ozzy over Yul, but the girls want Yul gone...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

I'm gonna miss Punchy, the Necklace never has the character of the Idol. It's a classic test of WILL, as the Survivor must wrap themselves around a (really high) pole for as long as they can. You gotta want it, to win it--who wants it more? Jungle Boy Ozzy grins in delight at his odds of hanging from a tree trunk longer than any of these city slickers. Adam is the first person out, probably because he's dehydrated and hung-over, plus he thinks he's a dead-bolt lock to remain in the game, so who cares? When Jeff asks Yul if he's surprised to see the muscle-bound Adam go out first, Yul muses thoughtfully about how it's harder for bigger people to support all their weight up high, "Which is why you don't see elephants climbing trees," he finishes. Everyone gets a good chuckle out of it, and Adam appreciates the excuse. Yul sighs about his nerdy reply, "I'm never gonna get a date again." Yul, should you ever be turned down again, which is highly unlikely after you become a millionaire, take my advice: take your shirt off. Jonathan is next out, then Nate and Sundra. Jeff asks Parvati about the new tribe name and she tells him, "W ejust did the same ol' same ol'; thing where you take half of our name and half of their name and pretend it means we're not divided." Jeff raves, "I LIKE it!!!" as he stares up at Parvati's bikini-clad frame. He's hungry like the wolf about her, I'm tellin' ya. Yul goes down after 51 minutes, and Parvati lasts an impressive hour and a half, as does Becky. The always tough Candice lasts 2 hours and 15 minutes before she finally falls, leaving obvious Ozzy the ultimate winner.

JONATHAN SCRAMBLES LIKE A SAND CRAB

Back at camp, everyone's all, "Gee, Candice, you're like SOOOO awesome," while grumpy grown-up Jonathan glares. The kids all decide that Yul is too smart to keep around and that he should be first to go. Elsewhere, Yul shows good faith by showing Jonathan the Immunity Idol. He tells Jonathan that he thinks he's an ideal Final Two partner because he's ticked off and, if Jonathan goes along with Yul's plan, betrayed everyone in the game. Jonathan goes back to the kids, who are all adamant about gunning for Yul. This makes Jonathan nervous since he's a nervous fella, and he's not entirely convinced that Yul hasn't set him up: the Box Car Children can still cast their four votes for him, and then he'd go when Yul busts out the Immunity Idol to save himself from the Raro votes. So Jonathan tries to cover his bases by raising the possibility that Yul has the Idol, and his votes could boomerang to one of them. This is so logical, and so "no duh," making the kids' reactions all the more awesome in their dumbness. Even when Adam and Candice admit that they don't have the Idol themselves, and they seem to believe that Jonathan doesn't either, they're confident that Yul doesn't. "He was only there for like, a DAY," Parvati scoffs, while Candice and Adam nod boredly. Jonathan picks his jaw off the floor and then goes off to scream, "It's like, they don't want to expend the mental energy to even RUN THE SCENARIO of "maybe Yul has the Idol"!!!!!!" He frets that he'll be deemed "a complete bastard!!!!" no matter what happens. Jonathan is good television, that's for sure. He's Hawk-Eye Pierce meets George Costanza. It would probably behoove him to stay aligned with the ding dongs, but I don't think he can abide listening to any of them for much longer. Then Dumb Adam tells Nate about Jonathan's concerns about Yul and Nate barks, "He can't come in here and tell us how to play the game!" Well...at least he knows how to play it, dumbasses. Jonathan lobbies Yul to oust Nate because he "owes" Adam and Candice for fighting to keep him around, which is not true at all about Candice--so Jonathan doesn't know everything.

Oh, and Candice and Adam make out.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

The jury is brought in, and Rebecca and Jenny are very smiley, ala Brad--still no hatin' in the jury box. Jeff opens up by asking if it's really a brand new tribe or if old alliances are still in play and Nate tells him honestly that he's sticking to what he's comfortable with--too bad for him that's come to mean Jonathan in recent days. Yul plays the Raro kids like the suckuhs they are when he acts all, "Gee, we iTunes people are just amazed we're still in the game! It's not like we have any real hope of beating their unbreakable alliance of five!" Then Becky brings up how close Adam and Candice are and Nate calls bullcrap, reminding her of how close SHE is with Yul. "I don't lie in his LAP," a mildly offended Becky insists. Parvati does her Betty Boop thing and chirps "Adam and Candice heart each other and they want to make babies together!" Jeff gets distracted for a few seconds, because Parvati was talking about sex...Parvati...sex...Parvati...sex, "Uh...so, Jonathan, how are...how's it going for you?" Jonathan blathers a bit about how he's had this great experience and how he's enjoyed "bonding with young people." He's a little Michael Scott too, isn't he? Anyway, tension runs high as the votes are read and Nate realizes he's the target of the four iTunes votes...wait...make that FIVE! Jonathan flips! Yul doesn't have to use the Idol! And suddenly the tables are turned! Parvati and Adam are stunned and Candice is pissed--yeah, betrayal's a real kick in the teeth, ain't in Candygirl? This is also a great move for Yul, Becky and Sundra because it removes the Nate option for Ozzy. In his exit speech, Nate tells Jonathan to kiss his ass--oh, there'll be some hatin' in that jury box now :D

Nate is eliminated in 9th place, the place formerly known as the first-juror slot. The first 9th placer was our beloved Greg of coconut phone fame. In the Outback, Alicia "I will ALWAYS wave my finger in your face" was booted while in Africa, Kelly was unfairly targeted by Lex when he wrongly assumed it was she who cast a meaningless phone for him. In the Marquesas, in one of my all-time fave Survivor moments, Johnny Pots and Pans wah-wah wah'd his way to the jury box when Neleh and Pappy flipped the tables on him and his boring alliance. In Thailand, buxom Erin was yet another uninteresting, unmemorable player to leave the show and in the Amazon, Dave the amiable "rocket scientist" was sent packing. Ryan-O, lover of pelicans flew away in the Pearl Islands and in Vanuatu, a very angry Sarge was betrayed by Twila who decided (temporarily) to side with the all-woman alliance. In Palau, Coby had an epiphany about his inner-strength, but that didn't stop him from imploding and practically begging Tom and company to vote him out instead of interloping Steph. In Guatemala good and handsome Bobby Jon said goodbye number two and last year, we lost good-guy Austin, who was quite likeable when he wasn't comparing himself to Jesus.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACTS

I wasn't able to get online to get fun facts last week! 11th place Rebecca won an Emmy for doing make-up on "The View." Sadly, putting foundation on "Elisabeth Filarski Hasselback didn't get her anywhere close to the Final Four. 10th place Jenny is a former local TV reporter in her native Chicago, and she still emcee's local events--you'd think she'd be more personable. I give her props for admitting to being a fan of "Stargate SG-!" though, you gotta let your nerd flag fly. Nate is an aspiring professional musician--he's now into hip-hop though he started playing violin at the age of 8. No surprise, he was a theater major. We will certainly miss his mouth, he's won of the most quotable Survivors of all time...

Peace Out! :D

Christine

Survivor 13.9 "It's not fun to know that people that you like wanna see you suffer."

2006-11-23T12:20:00.000-08:00

Hey all, Happy Thanksgiving. I won't be able to do any writing over the holiday weekend, so I'm just gonna write a real quick review so that I don't get behind :) Let's go Niners! Three game winning streak, 5-5 record, they're actually being mentioned as a dark horse wild card team by actual experts. Hey, I'd settle for a 7-9 record come January. Ok, on to the Survivor...

WHITE PEOPLE SUCK

I don't want to pull a Cory from Real World: San Francisco ("My race is sooo boring!") but I'm trying real hard not to be worried about the possibility of the "most-diverse Survivor ever" winding up being the one where the white people screwed over the minorities. Seriously, an all-white final four would be kind of embarrassing, right? Well, what are you gonna do. I really only hate Adam and Candice...yes, I'm back to kind of liking Jonathan again--I know! I hated him last week! Every week, I change my feelings, and last week, I thought, I can't believe I actually ever liked the guy, and now, I feel kinda sorry for him, though his "Look at me, I'm a Jew on a camping trip, can ya believe it schtick is tres oy vey. When he was all "Who knew a Jew could climb a tree?" I was all, "Uh, Ethan could climb a tree, Ethan could do anything, so spare us the tired, self-deprecating routine, Jonathan. But I do respect how he freely admits that his impulsive decision to switch teams with Candice was a huge mistake and that he's made the game much harder on himself. Now he feels (rightly) that he has to bust his hump working, providing and hustling if he stands a chance of being kept around. Then we cut to Adam and Candice vowing to be the Final Two, which is so boring and terrible I can't stand it but I also feel, it's unlikely because they're so stupid. Right? Man, I wish crazy Billy had lasted long enough to make Candice really uncomfortable. Anyway Jenny and Parvati watch the canoodling couple from afar. Jenny glares while Parvati gushes about how cute they are, "They're like, the all-American couple, aren't they? So perfect and white and blond..." She prattles, as Jenny prepares to brain her with a large clam...

At iTunes, Ozzy says he's happy to be the underdog, at a huge 7-4 numbers disadvantage...because he's crazy. Tree Mail arrives, and the Survivors cram to learn what letter of the alphabet corresponds to what nautical flag. Yul tells us "We don't have any other strategic options except to win. We have to work together or we're screwed. He remains the most ripped guy in Survivor history--he looks like those comic book muscle guys where you're like, no one can have that many muscles. Kids, Yul DOES.

REWARD CHALLENGE

Yul is unthrilled and surprised that Raro got rid of Brad instead of either Jonathan or Candice. Then iTunes hears the shocking news that Brad is a juror. I'm still confused about how the numbers will work out for that but, whatever. The challenge is for an authentic island party, complete with "homebrew," and alky Nate gets so excited at this idea that he grabs both his bff Adam and outsider Jonathan in a "Oh my gosh we're gonna get faded!" hug and Jonathan kinda worms out of it, because he's SO lame. I'm guessing he wanted the other tribe to think he didn't think they were gonna in or maybe he's trying to say, 'I'm an outsider, guys, I'd love to come back at the Merge," but Nate is trying to include him, and I don't get why he dissed that. The challenge is hard, two people from each team race out and have to dig a really deep hole at the right co-ordinates, which they get after they dig up the next set (Jeff gives them the first one). All you need to know is iTunes rules and Raro sucks. Raro sits out Rebecca, Parvati and Nate and the looks of irritation and embarrassment at the other's inability to do anything right? Priceless. 'Adam and Candice, confused," Jeff snips at one point, because he loves him some sentence fragments, though Jenny and Jonathan seem even worse. When Adam and Candice watch the others' struggle, they seem almost bored. Where's the passion? Candice only seems concerned about losing because she knows she's going into Exile. Parvati can't understand why iTunes keeps winning--it's called team. And character. iTunes gleefully sends Candice back to Exile again.

POOR CANDYGIRL

Candice cries as she eats a gross sea cucumber--she is tough, I'll give her that. She says "It's not fun to know that people that you like wanna see you suffer." Um, well what did you expect, honey? You backstabbed them. Still, her tears were refreshing, because I was beginning to think she might be a robot.

LOCAL FLAVOR

Itunes is greeted by a scary yelling dude, who subtitles tells us is actually very friendly. Yul, Becky, Ozzy and Sundra delight as they are carried into the village on litters by the singing Cook Islanders. Sundra refers to her tribe as "The Four Orphans," which is sweet--they're like the Boxcar children, sans the mystery solving and rich grandpa. They dance in a lightening storm and even Yul (whom Ozzy calls a "complex and intellectual guy") relaxes and gets his party on. Ozzy claims that "Raro doesn't know what's coming!" I wish that were true but math is math--or is it?

RARO SUCKS

Everyone lazes in the shelter except for Jonathan, who shares his disdain over their inability to see that their laid-back Raroness isn't working for them. He decides to work his butt off to try and inspire them, even though they're way more likely to use him and throw him away, which would be his own damn fault for switching teams. Then he goes fishing and he hangs the fish off his crotch in a disconcerting way--it is both comic and unappealing. Jonathan thinks they can't afford to get rid of his providerness, but Nate was succeeding before he arrived, he's just taking a "You do it" break. Raro gets Tree Mail about memorizing a bunch of island chains by sight. Everyone thinks Rebecca needs to step it up and contribute which may mean she's in trouble or may be a red herring. Anyway, Parvati tries to help Rebecca by coming up with some memory devices, but Rebecca doesn't seem to be into it. I continue to warm up to Parvati--but she better not screw over Nate in support of Adam and Candice.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Jeff is wearing the unfortunate canary yellow shirt. Candice is brought in, and it occurred to me that iTunes should have sent Nate, Parvati or Rebecca--because they sat out in the Reward challenge ant thus, they'd have to play, exhausted perhaps, in this challenge. I guess revenge is too sweet to pass up. Jeff points out that Candice has spent more time in Exile than she has with her new tribe, and Ozzy sneers at the happy face she tries to put on that. Since I'm pressed for time, I won't explain the challenge. Upshot: iTunes rules, Raro sucks, Itunes wins immunity again! Oh, and Jeff praises Parvati's strong swimming skills--I really do think he's over Julie and he's moving on to Parvati, "Don't stand so close to Jeff!" Raro gets to bring home a secret bottle of mystery that Jeff arms them not to open until Tribal Council. I'd love to see what the penalty would be for defying Jeff's orders, but no one dares...I almost cried when iTunes won, I heart them so much--how can you not?

MYSTERY BOTTLE

Everyone speculates about the bottle and most theories are that it'll be about the Merge, that Jeff will dispatch them to iTunes after Tribal Council, or something. Why Jeff would put something as ho-hum as the Merge in a secret bottle of mysterious mystery escapes them. Adam's brain starts to hurt from thinking, so everyone stops. Not before Candice makes the only sensible observation, "It's something bad. If it was something good, wouldn't they give it to the winning tribe?" Everyone sort of agrees to dump Rebecca next, and Adam and Candice plot to oust Jenny next because she's onto their scheme to like, make-out and stuff all the way to Final Two. A Millipede of horror arrives, just when you thought it was safe to watch Survivor. Nate and Parvati bond and throw around names. He'd rather keep their original Raro Five together and kick Jonathan, despite the fact that Nate likes Jonathan and appreciates his hard work.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Everyone enjoys seeing Brad, stylish and dapper in what I believe may be Tribal Council's very first blazer. Brad can't pretend to be solemn or ticked off, and it's laughs and smile all around. He's enjoying the hotel :) Jeff points out Raro's general suckitude at challenges, and everyone talks up how they work hard and can't figure out why they keep losing. When Rebecca says everyone goes out "clamming and octopussing," yes, she just made octopussing a verb, Jonathan has to get all 'ooh, ooh, Jeff, I caught the MOST fish, more than anyone!" As if this helps at all. Jonatham either they notice and care, or they don't. Brad seems impressed when he hears that Jonathan has caught 22 fish in 2 days, but he doesn't get to vote until the very very end. Jonathan can't contain his "Thank-you-very-much-ness" when Parvati says it's cool to have him around. Candice looks irritated, like, "Uh, Parvati, I thought we agreed that Jonathan was LAME!" Then again, it's Candice so she could be serious, sad...she has two faces: smiling, and not smiling. Adam claims tonight's vote is all about productivity, which is true if they oust Rebecca, but sometimes that's something people say when they don't want to reveal or admit to alliances. People love not owning up to really obvious alliances in Survivor. Anyway, in Thailand, Porn-Star Brian and company loved to use productivity as the reason they were picking off the other tribe one by one, even though that wasn't the case. Just ask hard-working Jake...on second thought, don't it'll just rile him up. Anyway, Raro winds up saving the mutineers and ousting one of their own, Rebecca, who seemed to lose her spark some time ago, so no real loss. Even Nate voted her out. She's seemed very sad and withdrawn and not all that interested--or interesting as she was when she was plotting with Nate and making with the funny. Someone gives Rebecca one of those smiley faces on their vote that always comes off snotty to me, even though I know it's meant like, "This doesn't mean I don't like you as a person, I do."

Rebecca is ousted in 11th place. In season One, Joel was ousted for laughing at a sexist comment that Gervase actually made--he also warned Pagong that if they didn't vote as a tribe against the other tribe they'd be picked off. Pagong naively decided that wasn't "fair", many of them voted for Jenna, and Hatch and company took control of the game. In the Outback, the balance of the entire game changed when tough competitor Michael passed out and burned his hands in the campfire, causing him to be airlifted out of the game. In Africa, angry, lazy Lindsay got her butt kicked by a tree, and then Lex, Tom and Kelly. In the Marquesas, Gina fell victim to a numbers game and was ousted by allies Pappy, Neleh and Krazy Kath. In Thailand, it was good riddance to Dumbb Robb and his stupidd skateboardd while in the Amazon, we said goodbye to one-time hostage Shawna, the girl who's fatigue was cured by an influx of boys to her all-girl tribe. In the Pearl Islands, Trish stupidly and fatally plotted against Rupert and failed while in Vanuatu, young dude John K. was booted by Sarge in favor of Twila, a move Sarge would quickly regret. In Palau, strong, quiet Ibrehem was yet another doomed member of the tribe that never won Immunity. In Guatemala we lost Amy, the tough and witty cop way to soon and last year, Dan, Dan, the astronaut man was sold out by Terry. Whatever, Navy guy.

So, there's a lot of time on the clock--oh yeah, the bottle of mysterious mystery! Jeff asks teachers pet Parvati to open and read the bottle after he snarfs at their lame merger theories and fantasies about feasting. Everyone smiley and excited, but when Parvati reads off the news that they will now have to vote out a second person, jaws literally drop. "That's not fun," Parvati says, sadly. Parvati kinda reminds me of Mackenzie Phillips--pre drug meltdown. She could easily join Cao Boi in my "One day at a Time" remake. Jonathan looks especially bummed because he was so happy a moment ago about dodging the bullet with his name on it. Nate keeps thinking about the fact that had THEY won today,m iTunes would be down to two members and they'd be sitting pretty. Oh well, to bad you guys suck at challenges. Then he says something like, "This is whack arnoldland." Closed-captioning, coward that it is, didn't even bother trying to figure it out but Jonathan agrees, just to be safe. Jeff taunts, "There is no sign of a Merge, it could be tomorrow, it could never come." And we din never Merge in Palau, so there's a precedent to that. No one is thrilled at the prospect of facing the red-hot Itunes in another Immunity Challenge. Adam laments the fact that Rebecca stood out as the weak link on the struggling tribe, but no one else does--this vote will be hard. This is a dream-come-true scenario for me, I have always longed for a vote that has to be made with no time for any kind of discussion. The outcome wasn't too exciting or unexpected: Jenny is given the boot 4-2. She and...Nate, I think, vote for Jonathan, who can't believe his good fortune. I kinda felt bad for Jenny, but then I remembered what a bitch she was to Cristina--Karma's a bizzle. In her exit speech (they didn't show Rebecca's, for whatever reason) Jenny basically says that she was impressed with how hard Jonathan worked to prove his worth and she would've worked harder herself had she known there was chance of her being kicked out. Uh, whatever.

Jenny finishes in 10th place. In Season One, the capable and grounded Gretchen was a surprise victim of the no-longer-secret Hatch alliance. In the Outback, Smarmy Jeff lost in a tie-breaker, back when past votes were your ticket out the door, instead of your inability to start a fire. In Africa, Clarence Black finally paid the price for eating those infamous beans while in the Marquesas, Boston Rob aka Chachi was sent home much earlier than he ever dreamed--didn't hurt him in the long run, did it? In Thailand, clever Shii Ann overplayed her hand, siding with the other tribe after the "merge" only to realize to late that the Merge hadn't actually happened. She was the only likeable person on the Thailand cast though, thus making her an All-Star (Kinda like how the Kansas City Royals got to send Mark Redman to the All-Star game this year). In the Amazon, cranky Roger found out that young guys will pick hanging out with scantily clad babes over guys that are always bossing them around, in a heart beat. In the Pearl Islands, things got really confusing. First, each tribe voted out two members: the muscular yet weak Osten and meathead bully Shawn, who were both replaced by the horrible Burton and the worse Lill. The following week we lost "He of the 120%" Andrew, who deserved better. SO we say that Osten, Shawn and Andrew all tied for 10th. Whew. In Vanuatu, Crazy Rory was sent home before he delivered on his threat to burn down his camp and in Palau, sweet, wise and gorgeous Bobby Jon unexpectedly lost a fire-building contest to Steph. In Guatemala, nice-guy farmer Brandon rode of into the sunset and last year, another good-looking nice guy, Nick, was voted out.

Next up: and Yes, it's on tonight, Jonathan yells at the kids and Yul and Ozzy plot to flip the game, so a Merger must be coming soon. I predict that Jonathan will flip in a New York minute to help and I can't wait to see Adam and Candice gone. Please? We'd be soo thankful :)

Peace Out!

Christine :D

Survivor 13.8 "He's slim shady right now, straight up."

2006-11-16T21:35:00.000-08:00

The 49ers have won two games in a row, a nice distraction from my "Barry Zito Leaving Oakland" watch. The Red Sox look to be ponying up zillions of dollars for a Japanese phenom, so there's one team I hate that probably won't pursue him...anyway, go Niners! And now, on to the episode...

LIP SERVICE

In the pre-credit teasers scene, we see Jonathan giving some kind of hard-sell peptalk to his alliance of Sundra, Yul, Becky and Candice. He keeps saying all this stuff like, "It's us five, it's us, we're strong, we're the five strong, final five right here," while everyone else nods and avoids making eye-contact with him, I guess in fear of "connecting" with him. Yul chimes in that they need to remain strong or they're toast. Candice tells us that she's not crazy about this arrangement and she wants to hook back up with Parvati and Adam asap, "Because they're like, my friends, not because I miss being around other hot, young white people or whatever." Roll credits...

TROUBLE IN PARADISE

A gorgeous rainbow embraces iTunes island, but the "serious business" music draws our attention to Candice and Jonathan, as they discuss how great it would be if they could get Raro back together after the merge. Jonathan frets, "We have to screw them over before they screw US over. And it's not racist because I'm Jewish, right? I'm ethnic! I just want to be back with my original tribe who I feel much, much more comfortable with!" He actually says something to the effect of having "the four Caucasians in the Final Four," which makes white America UNCOMFORTABLE and then he blusters, "I am determined not to be the guy that made the move too late." Seriously, what is he babbling about? He's in a good alliance, what is his malfunction? Well one is, he trusts Candice. After he gushes about how close the two of them are (remember, he also thought he could get Jeflicka to do what ever he wanted), she tells us that she doesn't trust him, doesn't like him, and wants him gone...

At Raro, everyone's discussing the Merge, which they seem to feel is imminent even though there's 12 people left in the game and the Merge has never happened earlier than 10 but, whatever, expect the unexpected. They're all feeling tight and bonded when Brad casually and stupidly says, "And then, after the Merge, it's every man for himself, I can't WAIT! Well, I'm gonna go fish so you all can talk about me, BYE!" ANd everyone at Raro is like, "The hell? Does Brad want to ditch us?" Nate explains, "He's slim shady right now, straight up." Translation: "I am telling you the truth, Brad is an untrustworthy individual." Nate then tells us how disappointed he is that he can't trust Brad, whom he likes, and then he distracts himself by demonstrating how fake he's gonna be to Brad while he's setting him up for the slaughter. Parvati, Jenny and Rebecca all agree that Brad will be discarded as soon as they don't need his vote to eliminate iTunes.

WHITE FLIGHT

At the Reward Challenge, no one at Raro seems upset to see that Jeflicka is gone. Adam grins, "Thank goodness she's gone, she was like, not hot enough to be here." Rebecca seems relieved to see that Sundra escaped the axe. Then Jeff rather unceremoniously--which is weird in Survivor--lays this twist on them: He'll give ANYONE the chance to switch tribes right now. Yul, who likes his ducks in a row, seems perplexed at the very idea of mutiny. Jeff counts down 10 seconds and Candice steps off the iTunes mat and declares herself a member of Raro. Jonathan impulsively follows her lead, and suddenly, iTunes is down 8 members to four and looking...basically screwed. Ozzy is disgusted, unaware as he is that he was next on the chopping block and he's suddenly gained three bestest buddies, and Yul is stunned, "I thought we had a pretty good game plan and I'm very surprised," he says in an evenly disappointed Ward Cleaver voice. I too was floored by this, just because Candice and Jonathan were in such a good alliance. They weren't on the outs--well, Candice wasn't, anyway, and if they were gonna screw over their alliance,e why not wait until the Merge and do it on the down-low? Instead, they've just hung a big light on the fact that they suck and can't be trusted. Ozzy is unfazed, "Doesn't surprise me," he sneers, "If they don't have the backbone to stay, they'll get theirs." Candice looks nervous. Or bored...or...oh, hell, I can't pretend that I can read Candice, though her irritation at Jonathan's like, TOTALLY copying her is pretty hard to miss.

REWARD CHALLENGE

The reward is for a coffeehouse day with pastries, coffee and letters from home. Everyone is motivated. Two players get rolled in a barrel over an obstacle course, then floated out to see while flags are gathered, and a rope is cut and a flag is raised, you know, standard obstacle course. And after Jonathan and Candice became the Quisling twins, it's pretty freakin' hard not to be rooting for iTunes all the way, and sure enough, Instant Karma strikes, thanks to Super Ozzy and strong and steady Yul. Candice can only watch mournfully from her caught-in-a-current barrel as her old team kicks her traitorous booty. Ozzy taunts Jonathan, "Mutineers are the first people to die, man," and Jonathan, wearing that kooky 1950's "dad" hat he likes to wear is all bemused and oblivious while new tribemate Rebecca stands behind him with a look of approval--for Ozzy. Have fun, Jonny boy. The newly reduced iTunes gang gleefully sends Candice into Exile...

I'LL HAVE A NO-FAT MOCHA HALF-CAF BOX OF MEMORIES, PLEASE

At the Survivor Coffee House, Yul gives his tiny tribe the kind of sincere, and appreciated pep-talk that Jonathan was incapable of at the beginning of the show. Then they all get to put on clean, dry robes, drink coffee, eat donuts and read letters from home, as well as see pictures of one another. It is a great bonding experience. Sundra gets weepy over a letter from her young son, and the day ends in a group hug. "We're family out here," Yul affirms, perhaps silently cursing the recent prodigals who've probably doomed his chances of not using the Hidden Immunity Idol early on. I'm certain he also totally "gets" why everyone told him he couldn't trust Jonathan. Hopefully he can still blindside them with it at some point. I'd have to think that Candice and Jonathan at least (not so much Dumb Adam) would be smart enough to realize that it suits them to let the others (including one another) think they have the Idol themselves and that voting for them is risky. Meanwhile, on Exile Island, Candice has no remorse about selling out her old tribe, "I just wanted to be with my friends. Who just so happen to be white. I'm not prejudiced, okay? Like, I hate Jonathan and he's white. He's always going around saying were "tight" and all, but like, I never trusted that dude in the first place and plus, he's hella old, he's like 35 or something and he has kids--lame!" Then she impressively lights a fire all by herself and bitches about how Jonathan has a head start on bonding with Raro while she's out of the game. Karma's a bizzle, Candygirl. Cue the mocking trumpets of wah-wah.

JONATHAN FINDS NEW PEOPLE WHO WON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HIM

At Raro, Jonathan is trying his very best to fit in with the cool kids of Raro. Emphasis on TRYING. He's like Jack Lemmon in "Glenngarry Glenn Ross" meets Michael Scott from "The Office." It's kinda hard for me to totally hate Jonathan because I can totally sense the nerdish outsidery childhood that spawned his grandiose desperation, but still, he sold out Yul, who's had his back for weeks while everyone else told him Jonathan was sketchy (including sketchy Candice). Jonathan keeps saying stuff like, "I took a big step into the unknown" and "Now I get to meet all you folks," and then he waits for some applause. Instead, the camp is overrun with chirping crickets and baying wolves. If Ozzy was there, he would have made a dramatic dinner out of those metaphoric critters. Jonathan goes on, "Are you SHOCKED that we came here!? Wasn't it DARING!?" Rebecca avoids eye-contact then shoots him a "Whatever, a-hole," look when he's not watching. Every time he stops talking, the silence overwhelms him and he has to go on, "It was totally crazy to do this, but we were the last ones of our kind left so jumping back here made sense." Because, that's the way to endear one's self to people of color--tell them you were scared to be a minority amongst YOUR diverse tribe so you came over here to realign with the only white people left in the game. In private, Jonathan seems to have determined that he's the guy that made the move too late, "Candice jumped so I jumped, and now I gotta figure out how not to be the first guy they get rid of if we lose." Cut back to: Jonathan raising eyebrows and hackles as he gallingly describes himself to the others as "a loyal person." He tells us he plans to earn everyone's trust by being "non-threatening" and working his tail off, but we all now Jonathan and know that he's gonna run around trying to make eye-contact with everyone and freak them out--they already all look like they wish they could give him back. Nate tells us, in his usual, colorful way, "He must really be smoking some good stuff if he thinks he's gonna roll in here and start stirring things up. You really think we'll have your back after we just saw you sell out your other tribe? Are you dumb?" Nate also says that this raises Brad in his estimation, because Brad COULD have flipped himself to get back with Yul and Becky, and yet he chose to remain with Raro. Then Nate tells us that Jonathan will DEFINITELY be the next person they vote of the tribe, so we savvy Jonathan haters sigh in frustration because we know that means it's somebody else. Later, everyone chills as Jonathan works overtime to ingratiate himself to them by tending the hell out of the fire. Adam gives him a bland, dumb Adam compliment: "You're good at camp." Jonathan sees an opening and starts sucking up to Adam and talks up the idea of an all-White Final Four, "It's all about trust, and apparently, I only trust white people," Jonathan tells him. Adam doesn't seem all THAT fired up about "getting the Klan back together", as it were, but he is smart enough--I know, I can't believe I said that either, but he does wisely see the value in keeping Jonathan around since Jonathan's very interested in keeping Adam around...

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Candice returns from Exile, and is greeted fairly warmly by Raro, and not just the white people. She gets a big hug from Jenny, who may be just thinking, "Yay, someone to stand on in the totem pole besides Brad!" Jeff explains the cool challenge: Both teams will row glass-bottomed boats out to sea, and then look for underwater targets. Then they'll drop cannonballs on these basket-targets, which will release buoys, which will be used to spell a magic Immunity-granting word. Because Raro can't sit anyone out in back-to-back challenges, they have no choice but to play the four people who did NOT take part in Reward Challenge: Rebecca, Jonathan, Brad and Parvati. Nate and Adam are unthrilled that Candice and Jonathan's arrival forced them to sit four members in the first challenge, and now they can't play their A-team. Raro has steering trouble immediately, but iTunes squanders their lead when they can't seem to aim to save their figurative lives. Raro only needs to get three sets of buoys and they have their first two before iTunes scores even one direct hit. Then Raro starts drifting out to sea a little, while Yul gets the swing of things and brings his team back into the game. When Raro accidentally releases a cannonball for no reason, Jeff mentions it in his annoying commentary and Jonathan rolls his eyes, "Oh, PLEASE, Jeff." Jeff is taken aback, "Jonathan, getting frustrated by ME," he huffs. When iTunes gets their third and final set of buoys, Parvati has to scold Jonathan into trying to win instead of bitterly watching iTunes row into shore. Raro doesn't really have a prayer though, since the six lettered buoys are part of the easiest so-called word puzzle in Survivor history. The clue says the letters form the name of the ship from the most famous mutiny in history and it takes all of 20 nanoseconds for iTunes to come up with Bounty. Raro is still floating helplessly off shore as Parvati moans, "Are you kidding me? Son of a..." it is unclear whether she self-edited or was CBS'd.

YUL WOULDN'T BE TRASH-TALKING YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK, JONATHAN

Jonathan and Candice reconnect, sort of, and he's thrilled that she's back because he feels it takes some of the heat off of him since he's not the only newbie. Plus, he and Candice trust each other, he insists. That is of course stupid, because Candice can't wait to run him down to her young pals. Parvati is all, "Dude, what's up with you and Jonathan, he's all telling everyone that you guys are like, hella tight and stuff, like, how tight are you?" Candice sighs, "Uh, NOT! He's like totally lame! I couldn't believe it when he followed by off the mat--I thought he and Yul were all BFF anyway!" Adam and Nate confer in the shelter, and Adam lobbies to keep Jonathan around and dump Brad, because Brad can hook back up with Becky and Yul whereas Jonathan is persona non grata and doesn't stand a chance of realigning with his old tribe. No, Adam did not actually SAY persona non grata. It's a good argument--not really a TRUE argument, because in Survivor, you can't say no to votes. If Jonathan wanted to flip back to vote with Yul and the others, of COURSE they'd take him up on it, they'd have to if it meant their survival. Still, it has the smell of truth--Adam probably does BELIEVE it's true, and since Jonathan and Candice jumped at the first chance to reunite the original white tribe, I suppose there IS some validity to it, and Nate seems to buy it, though he does feel a smidge of loyalty to Brad since Brad didn't choose to flip at the Reward. Adam says that Brad and Jonathan need to be the next two to go, and he doesn't really care what the order is.

So it's all set: Brad's a goner, Jonathan's a goner but his exit is on hold, and everyone hearts Candice for no discernible reason. Seriously, it's not like she sucks, really, I just don't get it. She seems really aloof and "so what," yet everyone seems pretty stoked to have her around, except maybe Rebecca, who is wisely concerned about the white people getting together and going to the Final Four. Hopefully everyone's just looking it as Candice flipping pre-merge instead of post, but they still intend to boot her early on. Candice is dangerous, you can't trust her. Anyway, Nate tells us he plans to "put a Denzel on and play Brad like it's all good." Translation: He is going to put on an Oscar-worthy performance in order to dupe Brad into thinking he is in good-standing with the tribe. Then he goes to Brad and blathers about "keeping the family together and chopping the others up like poop. Ehhhh, yeah. I don't know what that means and I don't wanna know. What I DO know is I can't imagine Denzel Washington saying it. They basically just rag on Jonathan and Candice, "What is this, a refugee camp?" Nate jokes and Brad is left feeling that everything's status quo. Meanwhile Candice is stirring things up with Adam. First, she spins this sob story about how badly she missed him and Parvati and how terrible it was to be on iTunes, even though she seemed perfectly fine over at iTunes. Maybe she was a little bored...or maybe she was depressed enough to hang herself from a palm tree, what do I know? The girl is inscrutable to me. Anyway, she tells him that she felt just so awful every time he was sent to Exile, and that it was always Jonathan's idea to sent Adam--he thought Adam was scared to go and that going over there would "break" him. Which sounds over-the-top enough for Jonathan to have really said it. Adam takes this as an affront to his manhood and starts raving about wanting to "beat his ass," which is something young men say when they want to sound tough though it always sounds kinda gay to me. Candice coos, "He's threatened, that's all," and again, I can't tell if she was trying to calm him down or egg him on. Watching them is like watching Britney Spears and Chris Klein in an MTV production of "Body Heat." It's odd, too, because Candice doesn't seem to be a dumb person, but she does seem socially dumb to me. She really does appear to have switched tribes and shredded an alliance that was working for her because she wanted to, like, hang out with her friends and she's also being very blase about Jonathan's blind devotion to her, which could be very useful to her--even Dumb Adam gets that. So then Adam goes to Nate and Nate calls Jonathan a punk and they both talk about beating Jonathan's ass TOGETHER, which sounds even more queer than before. Then they decide it may be too late to switch the vote away from Brad, even though it seems as simple as whispering Jonathan to everyone before the vote but, whatever. Nate tells us, "We want to take a brick and beat Jonathan in the head with it." That's a real nice sentiment for the Family Hour, CBS. While you're obscuring the butt cracks, maybe you could edit the death threats. Kids are watching--Jonathan's kids are watching, sheesh!

TRIBAL COUNCIL

Ah, Jeff's wearing the dark blue, always his best bet. He asks Brad what he thought about the mutiny and he raves about Candice, "I thought Wow, that's one gutsy gal--now she has four people lined up against her, I wonder what that feels like, to have people all geared up and anxious to vote you out of the game?" Nervous coughing ensues. Jonathan pouts because Brad didn't mention that he was a gutsy guy. Jeff asks Jenny if she's thrilled to just have two new people to kick to the bottom of the Totem pole and she skirts the issue by saying how great it's gonna be to merge with iTunes and "pick 'em of like zits," a colorful phrase she blames on hanging around Mr. Soundbite himself, Nate. Jeff asks Candice if she's concerned at all that Raro doesn't seem the least bit concerned that they're at Tribal Council, meaning that she might be toast and she says no, that Raro is always having a good time and that's part of what caused her to mutiny and he jumps all over that, mocking her for ditching her old tribe and alliance just because Raro has more fun and she huffs that fun is not the ONLY reason she switched. She claims that Raro "wins when it counts," despite the fact that Raro has lost it's last tow challenges since she came aboard. Then Jeff asks Jonathan if HE's concerned about his status and flop-sweat Jonathan is all, "Of COURSE I'm concerned, I was the second guy off the mat--maybe it was only a second later but still, the perception may be that I'm expendable." Candice shoots him a withering look at his pathetic attempt to imply that he didn't jump off the mat ONLY because she did first. Then Nate joins the Candice is the Awesomest Fan Club, praising her competitive spirit and pointing out that she's the only girl who's been Exiled and that she's returned from their "with her head held high." Which is true--she has proved herself to be tough and capable, I just don't approve of her mercenary character. Jonathan is once again told by someone, this time Nate, that he should chill out with all the "leadership" in other words, stop telling everyone what to do, and he once again insists that he's not bossy nor aggressive nor patronizing and he doesn't understand why, all throughout his life, people having been calling him these things. But, then Brad seals his fate, if it wasn't sealed already, by blithely admitting that he doesn't trust everyone in the tribe, thus offending everyone in the tribe. He gets voted out, and clueless Jonathan exchanges a "Isn't this great!?" look with Candice, who quickly stashes the knife she's been sharpening up to stab in the back with. Then Jeff stuns everyone, myself included, by naming Brad the first member of the jury. The jury has always been made up of the 9th-thru 3rd place finishers in the game, so not only is this way early in the game to have a jury...it's also gonna be an even-numbered jury, unless someone gets kicked off the jury or maybe...the fans will be the tie-break...or maybe I suck at math? Time will tell....

Brad is evicted in 12th place. In season One, Bible-thumping Dirk was sent packing by Hatch's crew. In the Outback, Kimmi, the judgy vegetarian who stopped bathing went home while in Africa, as a result of the game's very first tribe shake-up, dumb, arrogant Silas was cut down. In the Marquesas, Gabe was voted out when all his hippy-dippy nonsense about building a better society started sounding to his tribe like "I don't care whether we win or not." In Thailand, Stephanie the hella boring lady firefighter left, and no one remembers while in the Amazon, another tribe switch-up happened at tough-tawkin New Yawkuh Jeanne was voted out. In the Pearl Islands, the forgettable Michelle left--she was friends with bullies Burton and Shawn? Oh, who cares. In Vanuatu, poor Lisa paid the price when Evil Lesbian Ami misunderstood something Lisa said and in Palau, James who should've been Jim Bob was voted out of the Incredibly Shrinking Tribe. In Guatemala, Smart Brian left us far too early and last year, Bobby, the King of the "overshare," Mr. "I just dropped a deuce," was bid adieu.

EVICTED SURVIVOR FUN FACTS

Brad is a marketing director for the men's division of Lucky Brand jeans. He is a surfer and was a football and track star in high school, so yeah, I still really don't know why he didn't swim in that challenge a few weeks back. He lists "American Idol" as one of his favorite shows--me too, and I'll bet he's fun to watch it with.

Next up: WHO KNOWS!? I love it! I've gotten this off later then planned, and I don't like to make predictions when the show has aired, even when I haven't seen the episode, but I'm gonna do it anyway: Next out will be Jonathan or Sundra--Becky and Yul need Ozzy to make the merge because he might be targeted before Yul.

Peace Out! Christine :D